


Dust of Time

by Hairi_Esh_Mooncake



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Time Travel, Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Falling In Love, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Minor Character Death, Non-Binary Hange Zoë, Shingeki no Kyojin: Kuinaki Sentaku | Attack on Titan: No Regrets, Thug Levi, Time Travel, Underground Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-22
Updated: 2019-11-17
Packaged: 2020-01-23 21:14:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 75,988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18557995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hairi_Esh_Mooncake/pseuds/Hairi_Esh_Mooncake
Summary: Meeting thug!Levi and falling in love with him wasn't part of the plan, but then again, Hanji's experiments usually tended to have unexplainable side effects.No Regrets AU





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, hello! To most of you, I'm probably a new face, but I'd like you to give me a chance with this Underground themed fic of mine. It took me several months to get this into shape but I'm finally ready to share it with the public. 
> 
> To make it clear, this fic is mostly completed, there're still some editing going on at the latter chapters but overall it's a completed work, so you'll get the whole deal with regular updates within the upcoming several weeks. 
> 
> **Rating (M)** is for sexual themes and violence.
> 
>  **Age difference** \- didn't put an "Underage" warning because the characters are Canon age and it's unclear how underage they're considered in the canon. 
> 
> **Spoilers & the Timeline** \- I'm vaguelly using the plot events from the S2 and S3A of Anime, but I make my own spin on them and they're not the main factor of the story. 
> 
> ...
> 
> This fic, of course, wouldn't have been possible without the incredible support I have received:
> 
> -rasclie and Nova, you guys were with me when this story was just starting, only starting in its potential. At the time I didn't even fully believe this to grow into months and months of work, but you gave this fic a chance, supporting me to move forward with it and it was everything I needed while writing it.
> 
> -NikkiCross \- working with you let me see this fic for the first time as something interesting and worthwile from start to finish, and not just certain parts. You showed me how my own words could be mended and changed in order to flow more freely, you taught me how collaboration with a beta worked, and for everything you did for me and every effort you gave for this fic, I'm so incredibly grateful.
> 
> -ObdurateSinner \- uff, it feels like we went through a lot, you and I. I didn't know it was possible to find someone who could match my writing style so much, but I was lucky enough to find you. The things you added, the words you added are still here in the fic, and I'm so proud to be able to finally share them with everyone. Everything I lacked, I felt like I could make happen with your support. Thank you so much for your hard work. 
> 
>  
> 
> **Thank you for everyone involved in bringing this work to fruition. For those reading, I hope you enjoy the ride.**

 

 

There were moments of time in his life when Eren just wanted to tear into something dark and cruel like the world he lived in. He didn’t think it was wrong. Sometimes he just wanted to retaliate against the unfairness of the never-ending battle between the strong and the weak. As his eyes watched a young kid desperately fighting for his freedom in a city as dark and dirty as the stockyards for cattle, he could hardly contain the rage burning within.

He was a fair distance away, so his vision wasn't the sharpest, but even from his spot he could see a short, dark-haired kid struggling against a make-shift circle of armed thugs. Eren could count five men but he felt like more were lurking in the shadows between the buildings, and judging by the way they were crowding the kid, Eren didn't count on him lasting for long.

Eren was prepared to go in.

It didn’t matter how spaced-out he felt, he wouldn’t be leaving a child to fend for himself alone. Forcing his unsteady feet to move, he braced himself against the brick wall, ready to intervene. As he moved closer, his eyes seeing more clearly, he was finally able to take in more details about the boy. As soon as he did, his teal orbs widened. He was ready to rush in and defend a helpless kid from being beaten up, because that’s what he originally thought he was seeing.

Only the small boy, crowded by the thugs, wasn’t a boy at all.

He was short, dark-haired man with the eyes of someone painfully familiar and equally as deadly. Eren’s breath hitched as he came to a realization. It was Levi.  _Captain_  Levi, who, right now, didn’t look the part at all. His right hand held only a small pocket knife, but that didn’t make him look any less threatening. The ever present glare was aimed at his enemies, yet he wasn’t making a move. He was standing still, body tense and ready to strike at the earliest provocation, and when a balding guy on the right moved, Levi followed. With a speed too fast to register in Eren’s half-clouded mind, the raven lunged forward, making the man flail and lose the aim of his attack. Then, using the ensuing confusion, he sidestepped the man before plunging the blunt end of his knife into his opponents ribcage, brutally hard. Seeing his comrade fall, the blond, bearded man came rushing in, his weapon ready to strike. Levi, however, was not about to let that happen. His fingers grabbed hold of the falling man’s shirt, ripping the fabric as it got twisted between his digits, and then using the momentum, Levi spun around on his axis and brought his foot against the guy’s stomach, sending him flying into yet another thug.

Eren stood still, transfixed by the unbelievable sight. He was certain the short, grumpy raven who was fighting a dozen of thugs was Levi, the Captain of the Survey Corps, who represented humanity’s strength, dubbed as the Humanity’s Strongest, yet he looked nothing like his pristine clean, cravat-wearing Captain Eren was used to.

His pants weren’t as tight-fitted as was usual for the official military uniform; instead, he wore murky gray trousers and sleek, black boots that reached to his knees, holding the ends of the loose pants together. He still wore a shirt on his front, but on top laid a dark brown vest, hugging his lean, yet muscular body. He looked different not only by his outfit. While still faster than any of his opponents, his strikes were more force driven, less precise and less detached of the consequences they might bring.

When Eren saw a man approaching, closing in on Levi from his blindspot, the brunet rushed in without thinking, reckless and bold, lead by his instincts alone - to protect - even at the expense of his own health. He took the hit fully, blade tearing into his skin, leaving droplets of blood beneath their feet, and though he felt the sting of it, the adrenaline rushing through his brain dampened on it.

He staggered.

Unable to hold the weight of the man, who at a closer look seemed double Eren’s size, the brunet felt his feet slide backwards, almost slipping from the mixture of mud and blood underneath his feet. He could feel himself waver, the balding man in his vision grinning at him in victory, and he would have fallen if not for the sudden support on his back. A warm and solid wall, no, a back of another person.

For a second his heart skyrocketed, fearful of exposing his back to yet another attacker, but then his eyes met turbulent grays, narrow and threatening, yet hesitant enough to not have stricken him at the moment of mutual contact.

“Who the fuck are you?” he barked in a familiar low baritone, which provoked both fear and respect in Eren on daily basis. They didn’t have time for lengthened explanations, but he hoped his eyes held enough conviction as he choked out a rushed “I’m not an enemy” and using Levi’s back for momentum, charged back into the crowd of blood-craving thugs.

It seemed never-ending. No matter how many he put down, only more seemed to come back at him, each time with more force, wider swings of the knife, and faster, so much faster than Eren could hope to catch up with. It took him a moment to realize that it was not the second-level thugs that were becoming more adept with their weapons, but rather it was Eren whose breathing got heavier, eyes he could no longer hold fully open.

He was going to pass out.

As the black spots appeared in his vision, he was only confirmed of the fact. One more slice, another… At this point he wasn’t even sure who got whom. And then it was finally one too many, his head spinning as a guy’s fist collided with his temple, making him stumble and fall on his knees, choking as a foot came in contact with his middle.

His world spun, eyes too cloudy to properly see, but even through all that mist, he could see a blotch of black, attached to a lithe body, still moving, never stopping, and that thought alone was enough for him to relax his body and fall to the darkness.

Captain or not, Eren was certain he could leave the rest for the raven to take care of.

 

***

  
He dreamt of their faces. Sometimes he dreamt of their voices filled with pain. The worst were the dreams about the good times. In those, he would momentarily lose sense of reality and even start thinking that he was living there. Then he would wake up and it’d all come crashing down.

Eren wondered if the feeling of guilt would ever leave him, clutching the sheets with both his hands until he felt them rip from the stretch.

As he stumbled down the hallways, careful to avoid waking up Armin and the others, he spotted a dim spark of light coming from the dining room. He followed that light.

“Captain Levi!” he exclaimed, receiving a grimace and a short response, Levi addressing him.

Eren’s gaze traveled towards the table the older man was sitting at, a cup held between the tips of his fingers. He had silently wondered, one too many times, what kept Humanity’s Strongest Soldier awake late in the night. But, as always, he didn’t dare express his curiosity out loud. Feeling sheepish at his own behavior where he very likely disturbed the Captain’s quiet solitude, Eren rushed to excuse himself. “I didn’t know you were here; I’m sorry for disturbing you. I’ll leave you then…”

“Stop fussing and sit down, if that’s what you came here for,” Levi’s quiet yet clear voice told him. At once, his body moved to sit down in the empty seat one over from Levi.

“Sorry,” Eren muttered. He wondered if perhaps this was the Captain’s way of giving him the go-ahead for initiating a conversation. He doubted the older man would ever inquire about Eren’s deeper troubles, but maybe he would listen if Eren talked. After all, he didn’t usually shy away from short exchanges with Eren. “Captain Levi…”

“What?”

“Do you… ever think about the past? I- I keep dreaming about the squad,” he said carefully. After hearing no protest coming from Levi, he continued, “Sometimes it feels like I won’t be able to ever move on, always remembering their faces.” He could still feel the cold sweat on his back from the dreams that woke him up.

The silence was deafening, and for a moment, Eren felt stupid for bringing it up again. Didn’t he receive a pep talk just a few weeks ago? If he ever wanted for Captain to trust and respect him, whining about not being able to keep his emotions in check probably wasn’t the way to go. He opened his mouth to apologize, “I’m-”

“I do remember,” Levi interrupted. “But I don’t have regrets.”

“Eh?”

“There was a time when I needed to make a decision between dying right there and then or living. I chose to live.” His finger seemed to still around the edge of the cup as his gaze travelled somewhere far away. Eren felt his heart quicken at the rare opportunity to hear a story regarding Levi’s past. Eren wanted to ask for more details but wondered if it’d be too invasive of him. He settled on waiting for Levi to continue on his own. As Levi’s eyes found his, Eren knew it was as much as he would share. “I can’t tell you what to do,” he then told Eren. “But if nothing else, know that your existence is important to humanity.”

Warmth spread through Eren’s inner core at Levi’s words. He felt his lips stretch on their own accord.

“What?” Levi asked grumpily, eyeing the titan shifter warily. “Either spit it out or stop staring at me. It’s creepy.”

Eren couldn’t help a soft chuckle escape his mouth. He was so very glad for having ended up under Levi’s care. He made a vow then to make sure he didn’t disappoint the man. “Sorry, Captain. I just thought you’re actually kind.”

With narrowed eyes, Levi started to chide him when suddenly another person barged into the room.

“LEVI! Listen to this!”

Wide-eyed, with a grin showing most of their teeth and a disturbing blush covering their cheeks, the mad scientist looked even crazier than usual. One look at the Captain, and yep. The almost minuscular twitch in the Captain’s eyebrows told Eren that the man was already wishing to retreat from whatever new crazy idea Hanji had come up with. Eren couldn’t say he didn’t relate. While some findings of the mad scientist were informative, more times than not, they were in a world of their own, doomed to be misunderstood by the majority of the population.

“What do you want, four-eyes?” the man sighed.

“Hanji-san,” Eren greeted.

“Oh! Eren is also here.” Only now seemingly noticing Eren’s presence, the excitement in Hanji seemed to only increase. “This is wonderful! Now I can tell you both about what I have discovered.”

They slammed a stack of documents on the table, causing Levi’s cup to clang from the impact.

“I’ll pass,” Levi said. “You’re welcome to torture Eren alone.”

“Eh? Captain-”

“No. No, wait, Levi! I think you’ll find this interesting.”

Then adjusting their glasses, Hanji began retelling the story.

 

***

  
“Memory Titan,” Levi repeated curtly. “Do you realize how disturbing that sounds?”

“Yes. But also how fascinating!” Hanji squealed, ignoring Levi’s grimace. “I also did some research, and some sources show that the translation for this,” they wildly gestured at the archaic writing, “particular word could also be that of  _Mind travel_. It then further explains how, once caught by the gaze of the Memory Titan, your mind travels to a place where time is no longer the same."

At the duo's blank looks, Hanji waved their hands around while trying to explain further. "No, no, bear with me. This is archaic text, so some words are a bit unclear and it's harder to find their present equivalent, but that doesn't matter now. The point is, according to this book, Memory Titan can bring you to places - a process triggered by a physical contact between "like minded people" - whatever that means - on the night of the full moon... " they trailed off, purposely creating an ominous silence before delivering whatever the punch line was. "I'll even give you a hint when the next full moon is," Hanji said while steadily leaning in towards the raven, their eyes growing in size the more excitement took them over. "Hey, hey, ask me when the next full moon I-"

The sound of a chair being pushed against the floor interrupted them. “Burn it all,” Levi said with a leveled look, not even sparing Hanji's findings a glance. He was one foot away from the table, when, in a desperate attempt, the crazed scientist grabbed onto his sleeve.

"Bean and Sonny are already dead," they started in a grave voice. There were even tears prickling at the corners of wild eyes, adding to the dramatical effect. "While the injustice that was done to them can never be repaid enough, the legacy they left behind will be forever remembered," they sniffled and though Levi tried to tug himself free, the brunet wasn’t letting go.

Seeing no end in this, Levi resigned himself to waiting until the manical phase passed on its own and just continued to stay in his seat, his back rigid and a frown on his face. "It's too damn risky to indulge into one of your sick titan scavenging games," Levi growled, hoping, in vain, for the mad scientist to get a hint and back the fuck off. "We lose more people than we save by not killing it on sight," he said, eyes narrowing in thought. "Not to mention the resources it would cost. I doubt your shitty military pay will cover the expenses."

"Well, of course I'd ask Erwin for support," they said cheerily, ignoring the warning hiss that left the raven's mouth, then slapped their palm against their forehead, eyes glinting at a sudden realization. "Ah, I almost forgot. I could try asking the government directly."

"Good luck with that," Levi deadpanned.

They dismissed the raven with a wave, suddenly straightening up. "Even so," the brunet protested, their voice carrying in a serious tone. "Finding the Memory Titan could lead us to a new step in humanity's evolution. The understanding of science itself could be forever changed. At first I only poked inside their skin but what if I could open up their minds? What if…" they kept thinking out loud, going further and further into their daydream until the silence in the room brought them back to the present. Just like that, the broadened smile was back on their face and they were once again facing the occupants of the table. "Don't you think that's fascinating?"

The intense stare cast upon the raven was urging him to join in with the excitement. Levi couldn't manage that, nor did he attempt to. Far from showing any kind of interest in whatever crazy shit left the brunet scientist's mouth, Levi rather looked like he felt physically sick at the mere prospect of it existing. "That's disgusting," he duly noted. "And the shit that leaves your mouth is seriously disturbing. Are you sure you're not a titan yourself?" he asked as an afterthought.

A laugh burst out of their mouth. "Could be, could be. Imagine that! Ohhh, I could stay up at nights experimenting on myself..." As soon as the words left their mouth, another laugh, sharper than before, followed. It was breathy and uneven, making one wonder whether the mad scientist was having a nervous breakdown. After they calmed down, they exhaled and then tried again, "It will only be one trip, just enough to get a sample back to my lab. I'll even do it by my own hands - cut into its brain and all - you won't have to do anything, really, just let me-"

"No," Levi cut in, glaring at the four-eyes.

“But Leeevi, I need to learn the truth behind this. What if it’s all real?" they cried in desperation, about ready to kneel by Levi's feet if it meant the raven would approve of the mission. Obviously, he wouldn't. But the mad scientist was a powerful (and disturbing) entity when a new discovery was at stake. Before long, they were on their knees, uncaring about the hissed profanities spat at them by Levi, fingers grabbing for him harder the more he resisted. "What if there really is a titan inside the woods with an ability to manipulate people's minds? We can't let it go, Levi!”

“It better not be," Levi warned them sternly, his voice barely constrained. "Because if it is, humanity is done for. Imagine the chaos this knowledge would bring." They didn't seem too perturbed by the idea. In fact, as sickingly as it was to watch, the brunet was showing signs of actually doing everything in their power to make exactly that happen. Chaos was their forte. Levi found himself growling the words out at yet another protest coming out of their mouth. "You’re a soldier before a scientist, Hanji," he spoke with a force enough to shake the room. "Think about humanity before your own personal satisfaction.”

At this point it was unclear if it was even possible to shake them out of this crazy idea. Sometimes they were more brainless than the titans - a monster of their own kind.

"But, Levi-"

"No."

"Only one brain tissue sample-"

"I said no! Now let go of me, you shitty four-eyes!" Levi was trying to peel Hanji's hands away from his body, glaring at them while the bespectacled scientist clung to his body with snot dangerously close to Levi's shirt, when Eren suddenly spoke. Exhaled, more like.

“Um…”

At once two sets of eyes were focused on him instead of each other and Eren was rethinking ever opening his mouth. "I, uh..." he stammered, not really sure where he was going with it. When he found the pair of gray orbs narrow down at him, Eren could do nothing else but freeze.

“Eren, if you even dream of helping Hanji in this, I’ll inflict pain worse than your darkest nightmares," the raven warned and used the moment of distraction to kick Hanji off of him.

Gulping, the titan shifter nodded. “Yes, sir.”

 

***

  
Back in his sleeping quarters Eren could hardly make his restless mind calm down. Thoughts of the past, Captain Levi’s words, and Hanji’s sudden appearance kept him up. He knew better than to think Hanji would just back out from what seemed like the discovery of the year for them. He was also more than sure that Captain Levi was aware of the same thing. He frowned, thinking about what sort of action the man would take to appease Hanji.

Above all else, Levi’s mind fascinated Eren. The man had a peculiar way of thinking. Whatever was the cause, it surely allowed the man to achieve as much as he did, trusted by the commander Erwin Smith himself to make the decisions for other soldiers.

In Eren’s mind, the way he spoke about survival seemed to be the right approach. Eren was still young and naïve, so he mostly counted on his emotions to make decisions. Such things also made him act rashly and miscalculate his strengths. Captain Levi didn’t seem to lack any clarity of mind, and even if things turned out differently from initial expectations, he always seemed to be able to pick himself up and move forward - to see the bigger picture which Eren was yet to see. While he did desire to eradicate all titans from this world, it seemed a rather mechanical task. Once fulfilled, he had no idea what he wanted from the future.

Seeing the ocean… It was Armin’s idea mostly. Eren supposed it had sort of became his own dream along the way. Or maybe he just wished for things to return to normal. What was normal in this world anyway? It was naïve to hope for a past long since lost. He thought through Armin’s dreams, perhaps, he would reach his own peace. Peace… Freedom…

Sighing, Eren willed himself to relax his muscles and finally get some much needed rest before the next day’s training. Just then, he heard the unmistakable sound of footsteps nearing his bed. The hand on his mouth momentarily sent his heart in a wild panic. Eren struggled fruitlessly against the limb, attempting to produce even a sound that would pass as verbal communication. Confused, and quite a bit winded, he gazed up, eyes focusing on the familiar brown orbs. It was Hanji. With a crazed, determined look, and a hand against the brunet’s mouth, the mad scientist was assaulting Eren in the middle of the night.

His life was weird like that.

He was given no further explanations as they dragged the boy away from his sleeping quarters with strength that rivalled a titan. He was being carried only one shoulder, and supposed he could break free from the hold Hanji had on him, but as they passed by Levi’s quarters, he decided he didn’t want to get on the Captain’s bad side. Especially after the man seemed to have finally let Eren see a glimpse of his past.

When they reached the horse stalls, Hanji finally let him go. He watched helplessly as they led the horses out of the stalls, gave one of the reins to Eren, and then hoisted themselves up on the other one.

“Wait, Hanji-san. Captain Levi told us not to pursue-”

“Eren,” they interjected, “if that Titan truly exists, it could answer a lot of questions about humanity’s past. Don’t you ever wonder what the world was like before the titans?”

Eren felt a sudden skip in his heartbeat as he remembered Armin’s words - salty water, the lands of sand and ice... Was it really possible that this sudden discovery of Hanji’s held some of the answers to humanity’s most prominent questions?

“Still,” Eren reasoned, “maybe we should wait for Captain to-”

“Levi will come through,” they interrupted. “He knows best how important the truth is. He just didn’t want to get you involved.”

Eren blinked in surprise. “Eh, me? What does my involvement got to do with anything?”

“The more involved you are the easier is for you to slip somewhere and lose control. And if you do, Levi is going to be the one to take care of you.” Eren still didn’t get it, and it was probably evident in the young soldier’s features because it made Hanji sigh and scratch their head in frustration before hopping off the horse to come closer to Eren.

They surprised Eren by suddenly slamming their palms onto Eren’s shoulders. He wanted to squirm away from the intensity of the gaze Hanji was projecting at him. “Short stack might not show it much, but he really wishes for you to live, Eren.”

At that point, Eren could hardly tell what the increase in his heartbeat was caused by. He couldn't decide if it was the fear inflicted by the person before him, or the sheer excitement about actually having more of Captain’s approval than he thought.

He supposed it could be both.

Feeling momentarily at a loss for words, it took him some time to register their words. Teal orbs narrowed at the mad scientist suspiciously.

“Then… why are you getting me involved?”

They smiled.

“Because I need backup!” Hanji suddenly exclaimed, the previous serious mood all but forgotten. “What if we encounter a herd of titans on the way? I might be able to fight off a couple, but what if I encounter an abnormal? I’m counting on you to transform and make a run for it, if that happens. Let it be part of your training.”

“Huh…”

The lame explanation wasn’t giving Eren much confidence, but he supposed it was better than letting Hanji go fend for themself alone.

Wandering through the Titan territory in the dark was an experience in itself. While the titans usually slept in this period of time you could still feel their presence where they were lurking in the shadows. He felt goosebumps appear on his skin, when he heard a harsh exhale a few feet away. Hanji squealed and gripped tightly onto Eren’s sleeve afterwards bursting out in nervous laughing.

Eren had to wonder what he had gotten himself into. Forget getting on the Captain’s bad side, he was sure to be skinned alive.

After some time they finally emerged into a clearing; the trees were somewhat sparse, but overall it was not lacking in greenery. The whole area was illuminated by the moonlight - a bright blue with a hint of silver reflected from the darkened sky. It shared a stark contrast to the shadows of the woods, giving off a sense of power brimming in the air. Amidst it all stood a tree, massive in size with the branches reaching farther than the eyes could see. Despite its bark seeming aged, in places uneven, the tree gave off a strong, and almost intimidating, aura of being alive. Mesmerized by the sight, Eren failed to notice the moment Hanji appeared by the foot of it, hands reaching for the bark and the secrets it might hold.

He wished the part where they licked the surface had been only his imagination.

“Hanji-san!” Eren hissed a warning, which fell on the deaf ears.

To their surprise, despite Hanji’s rather extreme form of petting and analyzing, it provoked no reaction from the tree. It stood still and divine. “Ehh, why are you not working?! Don’t ignore me,” they whined, holding onto the bark of the tree with enough strength for their nails to scratch against the surface. “Please, tree!”

Eren could still feel his heart beating fast when his eyes seemed to draw themselves towards the tree itself. Taking a look, Eren could hardly imagine the tree once being a titan. If it were, it would have had to be massive in size. Maybe even close to the Colossal Titan.

As he took a step forward something in the bark shifted; a part of it seemed to stretch and split on one side then another. In the newly uncovered areas, Eren could see objects similar to nutshells. They twitched once, then slowly opened; two orbs staring at him. In his shock, Eren froze, unable to move away before the sharp pupils captured his gaze, seemingly entering his mind. Hanji’s desperate call was the last thing he heard before he felt himself plunge into the darkness.

 

***

  
Waking up proved to be difficult. Eren’s head was pounding, and he had trouble focusing his hearing or sight. Everything swam before his eyes, and he only realized he had tried standing when he once again felt his knees reach the ground.

To make it worse, the inside of his wrist started to burn. He tried twisting his hand away from the fire, but a short glimpse at his wrists showed him no such immediate danger. He had a second to frown in thought before the pain resumed, and he had to clutch his hand against his chest, willing the pain to subside. After what seemed like hours, Eren found himself cheek-down on damp, dirty ground, staring at a dimly lit alley. He couldn’t remember ever seeing it in his life.

Fucking fantastic.

Grunting, he proceeded to haul himself up.

“Hanji-san?” he tried calling, but just as he predicted, there was no response. If they were close by, Eren probably wouldn’t have woken up the way he did.

As his feet finally stabilized on the ground, Eren gripped onto a nearby wall for support and stumbled out of the dark alleyway. He found himself taken aback by the sight.

Dark, everything was so dark. For a moment he wondered if it was caused by his hazy vision but a quick glance upwards sent his heart skyrocking. While Eren was no stranger to the darkness of the night, he never actually saw one like this - pitch blackness without a single star in the vast expanse of the sky... No, not a sky, he couldn't even see the actual sky from out here. The only thing his eyes could see was...a ceiling.

He stifled a panicked sound from escaping through his trembling lips.

_Keep breathing._

As his eyes frantically scanned the area, he saw a few people slumped against the walls. They didn't seem to be moving. Just...staring blankly ahead. Left, just like that.  _Where were the people?_  He tried to make his voice work, to call out for help, for him and for those poor souls, but his vocal chords failed him, and his knees gave out soon after.

He realized it then. As he was staring at the dirt beneath his fingers, it finally came to him. All those gritty stories he used to hear since young, it was  _it_. He was no longer anywhere on the surface. No. He was far further down than that. Right below - in the Underground.

The question was - how?

The Underground was deep into the walls, and last time he checked he was still out there with Hanji just outside  _Wall Rose_.

Eren urged himself to think rationally -  _Wall Rose, Hanji, Memory Titan_ , those creepy eyes staring straight at what seemed his soul... He could hardly come to the grasps with his current situation and the more he tried to think, the harder it got - that ringing in his ears, that horrible pitching sound...it just wouldn't stop.

Clenching his teeth together, Eren pushed past the pain in order to search for some answers. He only needed to find an official and they would lead him back to the surface.

He was sure.

He held onto such hope until he nearly got stabbed for mistakenly being accused of stealing the military’s uniform.

“I’m telling you I need to get back on the surface! You can confirm it with Commander Erwin Smith himself. And if they hear how you treated me, you will be sorry for getting on Captain Levi’s bad side.”

The lame ass Military officers he had gotten into an argument with had already stripped him of his jacket, and if Eren could have found more strength in himself, he was sure he could easily teach the laughing pricks a lesson. But the situation wasn’t in his favor.

While Eren sat there glaring at the men, one seemed to take interest in something Eren had said. “I don’t know any commander by that name, but if you’re looking for the Underground thug Levi, then you can tell him we’re also looking for him when you see him.”

Thug? Captain Levi? What the hell was this man talking about? More confused than ever, Eren was too slow to react to a flying kick to his face.

The next time he woke up, he learned that the few coins he had had in his pocket were taken together with anything he could have used for a means of identification. The bright side, he supposed, was that the aching of his limbs seemed to have considerably subdued, and he could finally stand up without wobbling. He figured his titan healing ability had finally kicked in.

As he walked down the abandoned streets, Eren felt lost. Why did those officials mention “Levi the thug”? He vaguely knew of the life Captain Levi had led in the Underground before he joined the corps, but those times were long since gone. Now there wasn’t a person who didn’t know of the Humanity’s Strongest soldier. Yet those two didn’t.

Something nasty settled deep inside his stomach, making him anxious. He didn’t want to think of possibilities out of this realm.

As his eyes finally settled onto Captain Levi, who was not the Captain but an actual thug of the Underground, Eren finally realized that he had travelled to the past.

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who's this guy?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. I hope you enjoy ^^

When he woke up, he was in weird place. He could understand waking up in one of the rooms of the barracks, or in worse times back in the underground cell. Hell, it wouldn’t even be that far of a stretch to wake up in some dark alley. The ceiling he was currently staring at disproved all of those, however. It was foreign, the cold gray walls with the overhang chandelier, occupied by half-burned candles and the hard, leather sofa he was laying on were all unfamiliar sights to him.

He could feel his heart pick up the speed with his increasing worry. His first thought went to him having been kidnapped. Driven by anxiety of such thing happening, he experimentally stretched his limbs, checking for the invisible bounds, and had to exhale a huge breath as he found himself unrestrained. At least he knew he wasn’t taken by someone meaning him harm.

He blinked once, twice, then slowly tried to sit up, resting his weight on his right elbow. He groaned, his body feeling stiff and tense as if it had not been used for days. He hadn’t felt this sluggish ever since his first transformation, and even then his healing abilities had kicked in pretty fast. His wrist was peculiarly new looking, he noted. On his moderately toned skin he found four coal painted circles, making a square-like structure. He couldn’t find an explanation for the weird phenomenon besides the symbol having appeared when he had previously felt that intense burning sensation. Frowning, he nearly zoned out when a voice disturbed him.

“Oi, brat. If you’re up, then hurry up, and get the hell out of here.”

Startled, Eren looked up, his eyes finding Levi’s form sitting across a round wooden table, separating the leather sofa and him. Suddenly, memories from the day before rushed back to his mind. He remembered coming to an unfamiliar place, then meeting Levi - an accident, which had caused him to get involved in a thugs’ fight. The last thing he had seen before passing out was Levi, who was now glaring at him from the seat nearby with a knife pressed down on the table.

“Um...” At Levi’s sharpened glare, he shrank into himself a little bit more.

“What? Do you have some sort of business with me?” Levi inquired, not bothering to hide the edges of a snarl in his tone.

“No,” Eren stammered, “I mean, um… I’m a little bit confused here.” Confused was an understatement with all the questions whirling through his head. How did he get to this place? And what even was this place? Levi’s secret hideout? No, more importantly, how many years back did he go into the past? While the essence of Levi looked the same, the man did seem a lot younger physically… Such questions kept pulling at his mind, but Levi kept staring at him impassively.

“Where did you come from?” he asked, making Eren look up.

“Huh?” was his intelligent reply. Levi’s eyebrow twitched. “You don’t look like you’d survive a day in the Military Police.”

At Eren’s frown, Levi gave him a pointed look towards his uniform. While he was missing his jacket, the material and pants did resemble the Military uniform. It was easy to confuse him for being someone in the Military Police, he supposed. While Eren couldn’t exactly come up and tell him where he got the uniform from, he was rather glad he wasn’t part of the branch. It seemed to be hated, if Levi’s disdain at the uniform was anything to go by. “I’m not… from the Military,” he finally settled on.

There was a moment of silence, where Eren tried to win against the laws of nature by stopping his breathing in order to escape Levi’s piercing glare. Then the doors slammed open and in bounced a young girl with pigtails.

“Aniki, I brought some food!” Eren watched how Levi’s posture seemed to lose some of its rigidness as he regarded the girl, standing up and taking the bag from her. Then, to Eren’s surprise, he ruffled her hair and told her she did well. Eren could only watch the interaction from the background, waiting for Levi to finally decide to throw him out.

The girl seemed to notice him first. Bending to the side around Levi’s form, she caught his staring eyes and beamed at Eren in delight.

“Oh! You’re awake,” the young girl chirped, and skipped to his side happily, ignoring Levi’s exasperated warning to be wary of “filthy strangers.” Looking down, Eren had to agree that he looked rather unkempt, definitely dirty enough for Levi to not want Eren anywhere near him.

Suddenly a beaming face was staring at him with big eyes of wonder. “I’m Isabel. What’s your name?”

“...Eren,” he responded at length.

“Nice to meet you, Eren. This is my aniki, Levi," the girl pointed out proudly to the scowling raven. It was obvious how much she admired the man. Though Eren had to wonder how these two were related, they looked nothing alike. As his mind wandered, Isabel continued.

"He’s also the one who carried you here. It was suuch a weird sight, especially since you’re taller than him!”  
  
“Oi,” the aforementioned man growled.  
  
“Also…” Isabel suddenly quietened, the next moment Eren found his hands being held tightly into her grasp, pressed against the girl's forehead. “Thank you _so_ much for helping my aniki against those thugs.”  
  
Feeling slightly embarrassed, Eren fidgeted in his seat. “Um, yeah. No problem…” he said, then risked a glance at the man occupying the seat opposite his. He flinched at the dangerous look the man was throwing his way. He swallowed tightly, his palms sweating. He felt his heart rate increase by the second. The longer he was being stared at the harder it was to look away, no matter how much he wanted to. Then the raven's eyes narrowed onto something slightly higher than the level of Eren's eyes and the brunet jumped back at once, releasing himself from the hold of Isabel. The click of the tongue was the only indication that Eren understood his message, before the brunet was forced to avert his eyes. Clearly Captain Levi’s intimidating attitude was something innate rather than acquired.

“I think we should keep him, Levi-bro,” Isabel said cheerily.

“He’s not a pet, Isabel. And shits a hell of a lot more than one.” Levi pointed out as he gave Eren yet another disgusted once-over.

“Yeah, but he’s injured, and we already started taking care of him.”

“Unless he can fit into your birdcage, I don’t have a place to put him into.”

Seeing Levi interact, Eren felt relieved to see that despite being so far into the man’s past, Levi still seemed to be similar to the man he knew. If he was truly going to have to stay in the past for the time being, he supposed there wasn’t a safer place to be than by Captain’s side.

“Um,” he voiced, trying to take the attention of the arguing duo. Levi glanced in his direction. It was now or never. “I could clean,” he said, then hastily added, “I’m very good at cleaning.” 

Isabel cheered from the side. “See! See, Aniki! This was a fated meeting after all.”

Levi’s eyebrows twitched, seemingly considering the options. He then turned and walked towards the other end of the room, opening up a cupboard. Eren watched him from his spot on the couch, awaiting orders. “Let’s see what you’ve got. Then I'll decide.”

 

***

 

It had been a few days since Eren had, inexplicably, joined the lives of Isabel and the younger Levi. After the initial trial of Eren’s usefulness, Levi had to reluctantly agree that Eren’s cleaning skills were satisfactory. He still didn’t trust Eren much, and the titan-shifter could feel the hawk-like eyes watching his every move. But still, he felt proud of himself. The teen had managed to secure a roof over his head without losing it, and in this place, a roof was a much needed necessity.

The peace, as unsteady as it was, could not last forever. In a place as cutthroat as the Underground, there was always more to be done. Levi always seemed to be at the center of it all; never having enough time to just stand idly by.

There was a knock at the door. At once, Levi shot up from the chair, entirely alert. Eren was amazed by the speed he produced a knife to appear in his right hand.

He shot a quick glance at Isabel, who nodded to him and came to stand in the corner with her own pocket knife in hand.  Levi's eyes trailed onto Eren, and narrowed. The brunet swallowed and gripped the broomstick more intensely.

As Levi came to stand beside the doors, his knuckles reached out to tap against them. At once, four knocks, with different intervals in between, resonated in response. That seemed to be enough for Levi to drop his guarded stance, open the doors, and welcome the guests inside.

The place wasn’t big enough for Eren to disappear somewhere while Levi held business, so he had to settle on awkwardly brushing the floor with the broom.

They talked about things Eren mostly had no idea about, until one sentence caught his attention.

“There’s a rumor going around,” a man named Jan said, taking Levi’s attention.

“What rumor?”

He could feel he was being watched warily by the guests. While they seemed to have no problem with Isabel fussing over them, offering tea and cracking a joke, Eren’s presence seemed to unsettle the group. Noticing the tension, Levi was quick to reassure them.

“Don’t worry. If he even attempts to squeak, I’ll silence him.”

While it wasn’t the first threat he had heard from Levi, it still made Eren freeze at the words.

Nodding, Jan continued, “There is a rumor about a parcel containing a passage to the Surface.”

The occupants of the room abruptly fell quiet, taking in the weight of the presented news, only for the tension to be shattered by Isabel. She squealed, asking questions about where they could get such a thing, until Levi had to forcibly make her sit quietly by his side. Eren could see it was proving to be difficult for the girl to contain her excitement as he noted the exasperation on the future Captain's face.

Passage to the Surface… It seemed like everyone living in the Underground hoped to achieve it, and now with the rumor of the goal possibly being somewhere in the near vicinity, the Underground market was going nuts. Everyone seemed to be interested in it. Even Levi, though the man was more skeptical than hopeful.

"How reliable is your source?” he inquired with a critical look.

“Can’t tell,” Jan confessed. “I think it’s best if you check with the man himself. I’ll give you the name.” 

Levi nodded and accepted a folded piece of paper. Inside he found the man’s information.

 _Name_ : Gardel.

 _Occupation_ : merchant of the Wall Rose.

Pocketing it carefully, Levi thanked the man and stood up to get the money from his bag. He gave each a sum of money and bid them farewell. Eren wondered why one got more than the others, albeit in secret.

Waiting for the group to leave, Eren then gathered the courage to ask Levi about it.

“It’s for his leg,” Levi said. “A compensation of sorts, I suppose. I promised someone I would take care of him.

Eren wondered just how many people surrounded Levi in this time. While he only appeared to be living with Isabel, Eren supposed his connections didn’t end there. Speaking of the girl, there was something he was curious about.

“How did you two meet?” Eren blurted out.

Isabel’s face lit up at the prospect of storytelling time, and even Levi seemed to relax a bit more at hearing the topic change.

“I saved a wounded bird, and in return Levi-bro let me stay here,” she exclaimed proudly.

Glancing at Levi, Eren wondered if that was all there was to the story.

“A bird?” he inquired.

“Oh! Tuck-u-ro is a quiet thing so you must have not yet met him.” She quickly climbed the ladder of the bed and reached out for the faraway corner by the ceiling. Cradling something in her palms she slid down, showing Eren a cute little bird. While it didn’t seem injured, the way its wings twitched seemed a bit unnatural, and he quickly learned that it was still healing but should be able to fly in a couple of weeks’ time. She made Eren promise to be there to witness Tuck-u-ro’s departure.

He chuckled at her fondly, his eyes accidently catching Levi’s thoughtful gaze. He had to wonder what the Levi of this time thought of Eren and whether it was naïve to hope for anything more than reluctant tolerance.

As the days went by, Eren started to get used to Levi’s lifestyle. He would mostly hear stories from Isabel. Judging by those alone, Eren got the idea of them being something like noble thieves, rebelling against the current system. And, though Levi tried to shoot such thoughts away, telling him that they only ever did things necessary for survival, Eren knew the man better than that. Or, at least, he assumed he did. Each day he learned something new, both crushing and expanding Eren’s previously self-made conceptions about Humanity’s Strongest Soldier.

“Hey, Aniki,” Isabel asked one evening after Levi got back from a job and busied himself with cleaning his equipment. “Eren says he’s fifteen. Do you think I might be older than him?”

Levi stopped what he was doing for a moment, taking a quick surveying glance at Eren. Seemingly finding what he was looking for, the raven haired man then resumed his work.  “Who knows.”

The question seemed odd to Eren. “You don’t know your birthday?”

“Ah, I don’t really remember the first few years of my life that well,” Isabel said sheepishly. It was the first time Eren saw the girl unsure about something. He wondered if he shouldn’t have asked. “I see. Then what about Ca-Levi…” He stumbled on his words, but she didn’t seem to mind.

“Oh, Levi-bro is twenty-four.”

Eren’s eyes widened at that. 

“Oi, stop giving away my personal information so freely,” Levi complained, shooting Eren accusatory looks. If he wasn’t so intrigued by the bit of information, Eren would have probably fidgeted under his stare. Instead, he blurted out, “So young.”

“Huh? I’m still nine years your senior.”

Realizing how he must have sounded, Eren quickly backpedaled.

“Ah, yeah, you’re right.”

As it was, though, he could hardly be blamed when their usual age difference reached as far as fifteen years. In comparison, nine years seemed a much closer distance. It somehow lessened the imaginary gap Eren always had seen between the two.

He wondered what it truly meant.

 

***

 

That morning he woke up to a dark room. It was always like that in the Underground - he would go to sleep to the dark and then wake up to another dark. There was no telling the exact time of day unless you specifically kept track of it or went to the nearest opening in the ceiling outside. With a yawn, Eren stretched and blindly padded to the shelf where they kept the matches for the candles. Unlike Levi, who moved around the dark like a fish in water, Eren learned to light the candles by the wall first as it helped give him a sense of direction, before moving on to the rest of them. As he set down the matches, the room being fully illuminated by the dim flames, Eren took in the silence that surrounded him. It was almost eerie; when Levi took Isabel for jobs with him, those days were the hardest to bear. While he wasn't shackled behind bars in the basement, he felt like he might as well have been.  
  
It was depressingly boring.  
  
He went about his daily routine - changing the sheets, scrubbing the sink - once again trying to erase a nasty spot on top of the faucet, something Levi kept telling him to work on despite it clearly being a moot effort. While he grumbled about it, he still scrubbed against it each day. He didn't know why. Some deep need to obey the Captain's orders was ingrained in his body and a week wasn't enough to get rid of it. After completing the task, he pressed his forearm against his slightly heated forehead, and had to frown at the lack of sweat on his skin. It wasn't enough. His body, while completely healed, felt stiff and unused in ways that were unfamiliar to him. The cleaning duties could only get him so far.

After a week, he was itching to do more; to train or even some light hand to hand, anything. But he knew his choices were limited. He could neither exercise his titan transformations, nor did he have a sparring partner. Unless... No. He shook his head at the ridiculous thought. If he even attempted to ask Levi about it, he would likely end up on his ass faster than he could entertain a thought of throwing a punch. He sighed as he racked his brain for a way to busy his body with some exercise.

After finding nothing better to do, Eren stripped his shirt and proceeded with pushups.

At least it was exercise.

Pushups turned to situps, situps turned to squats, and squats turned to lunges. Eventually, Eren had a small routine going where he creatively utilized his body weight to work out.

It was freeing, feeling his muscles finally burn with the exercises. He had to question himself why he hadn’t thought of this sooner. He got so immersed in it that he failed to notice Levi coming back.

“What’re you doing?” he asked, sounding slightly disturbed.

Jumping to his feet, Eren turned to face Levi who was watching his upper naked form with an embarrassing sort of intensity. He tried to subtly reach out for his shirt, but got chided instead.

“Putting a shirt on all that sweat. That’s disgusting.”

“Oh, um. Yeah. You’re right,” he agreed without thought, then wondered what he should do with himself.

His body decided to it was time to start fidgeting.

Eren wasn’t sure if he should excuse himself for a shower first or let Levi stop staring at him. But as soon as his feet moved, Levi’s were also moving, stopping a few steps away from Eren. “It’s fucking freezing in here, yet you’re sweating like a pig. With all that muscle, you shouldn’t be sweating so much from a little exercise.”

Eren could feel himself blush a little as Levi’s eyes swept over his form. Then he mentally slapped himself because it would only make him look like more of a weirdo in Levi’s eyes than he already was, and that really wasn’t what Eren wanted. He just couldn’t understand why it was sometimes so hard to be on the same page as Levi and at other times so easy.

As the man took yet another step closer, the short gap between the window sill made the air in the room mix and Eren managed to take a whiff of Levi’s scent. As soon he did so, he was so mortified that he zoned out until his eyes refocused on a rather annoyed Levi.

“Huh? Oh, I’ve always had a higher body temperature,” he replied absentmindedly. Come to think of it, this was probably the first time Eren had a chance to stand so close to Levi without immediate danger to their lives. The man was quite a bit shorter than him and he had to mentally slap himself once again for thinking it was sort of cute.

“Oh?” Levi’s voice startled him, then to Eren’s surprise, the raven reached out towards the exposed forearm to press the pads of his fingertips against the skin there. “Interesting.” The touch was gone as quickly as it appeared but Eren could still feel it burning like a  brand into his skin. He itched to scratch against it.

“Eren, you’re sleeping in my bed. Your payment for the rent.” Levi deadpanned.

At first he thought he heard the man wrong. Then his head swiftly snapped towards Levi where he appeared to be in the middle of taking Eren’s share of sheets and dumping it onto his own bed. Eren nearly choked on his own saliva as he watched the man neatly arrange the sheets.

He could hardly guess what possessed the man to suggest this. The raven could hardly tolerate him as it was, keeping Eren at arms length, always careful. And Eren… he still couldn't go past the man without flinching when being called out.  
  
There was no way this arrangement could ever work. It was doomed to end with Eren stabbed for snoring or otherwise triggering the man.

His whole body felt stiff, buzzing with nerves, as he waited for the other male to join him. When the bed slightly dipped, Eren involuntarily held his breath, waiting for something to happen, something that would make the man change his mind and let Eren go back to the safety of the couch.

He didn’t.

Instead, balancing on one knee, he spoke, “If you try to spoon, I’ll personally carve your eyes out. Is that clear?” Levi warned before putting out the candle by the bed and placing the pocket knife under his pillow, deliberately slow.

Eren gulped. “Yes, sir!”

“Good. Now scoot away.” As Eren moved further towards the wall his eyes kept watching Levi getting ready for bed. In the dark Eren could faintly see the man’s silhouette. He could make out the movement of hands, dipping down to grab onto the edges of the shirt before pulling it over his head, exposing his lean yet muscular body to the brunet’s eyes.

Eren swiftly shifted his eyes, confused about the thumping in his chest. He was scared. He was afraid of the strength Levi possesed, that must be it.

The bed suddenly heavily dipped, making Eren hyper aware of another person’s weight joining the mattress. Involuntarily his eyes turned back to look at the raven, heart making a jump when he noticed he was already being stared at. Gray orbs watching the teals.

It seemed to put a frown on the raven’s face, as if it was a challenge Eren wasn’t supposed to be part of. The longer the brunet failed to end the contact, the more annoyed Levi got. Finally, unable to hold it in, the raven spoke, “What is it?” he asked, clearly frustrated.

Suddenly Eren felt way too self-conscious. _What was he even doing?_ Within seconds he was scooting further away towards the wall in hopes to make himself appear smaller and consequently less noticeable. His gaze too, yes, he must remember to stop staring at the half-naked man. He swallowed and vigorously shook his head. “Nothing. Absolutely nothing.”

Eren wondered when Levi would decide he was too weird for Levi to share a bed with.  

As the man slipped underneath the covers Eren supposed today wasn’t the day.

The glare was still a common occurrence, though. “Face away,” he said sharply.

Eren couldn’t have scrambled fast enough.

“Right, of course.”

He turned his back towards Levi and willed his body to freeze, to stop giving away signals of how nervous he truly felt in the present situation. As he felt the body beside him settle on the other side, followed by steady breathing, he let himself believe the older man didn’t notice the thrumming of the blood under his skin. Being super aware of the back touching his, he only managed to lose consciousness in the early hours of the morning.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To all the wonderful people reading, commenting on this fic of mine - thank you so very much! Your support means the world to me.

 

The next morning Levi’s mood was worse than it was the previous day. The few instances where Eren had the misfortune to ask something of the man he got such a glare in response that it could hardly be interpreted any other way than the man planning his slow and painful demise.

He didn’t know what he did wrong but he was too afraid to ask.

The silent giggles coming from Isabel only confused him further.

“Isabel, we’re going out,” Levi said while taking the Omni-directional mobility gear from the shelves and passing another set to an excited girl. Eren stared at the gear longingly. It had been a while since he felt the rush of flying through the woods. “Eren.” He startled as Levi called him. “This place better be sparkling clean by the time we’re back.”

“Ah, yes, sir!” he exclaimed with vigor, and then felt his cheeks heat up at the weirded-out look Levi was giving him. Right. He wasn’t Eren’s commanding officer here. Instead of behaving like a subordinate, he better be thinking of ways to get on the friendly side of Levi. “Be safe,” he added as the two walked through the doors, leaving Eren with a broom and a bucket. Well, at least this was a task he knew by heart.

 

***

 

The whole way to the designated place Isabel was whistling while skipping ahead. It frustrated Levi that she wasn’t taking it seriously, but he knew if he inquired, she would comment on something he had no intentions of discussing, ever.

Unfortunately Isabel had a knack of bringing up awkward conversations all on her own.

“I don’t know why we bothered stealing the heating pads when we could all just get an Eren-shaped personal furnace,” she sing-songed.

“Isabel, concentrate on the task,” Levi grumpily replied.

“Yes, Aniki,” the girl conceded with a mock salute.  

To think he not only managed to sleep through the whole night, but also to wake up spooning the damn brat… Levi didn’t want to admit it, but the kid did possess some weird fucking kind of warm heat which was pleasant to sleep next to. But that didn’t mean that he should let his guard down so easily. He didn’t like it. Feeling vulnerable in this sort of place only meant one thing – receiving an early death. He had to hurry and find a way to get rid of the kid, before he managed to worm his way deeper into Levi’s life.

As soon as he saw the building in the near vicinity, he felt some relief. He didn’t need to focus on unimportant stuff while on the job. The information lead to the best known brothel in the Underground. It was famous enough to bring together not only the men from the dump but also some dirty scumbags from the Surface. It was a perfect place for endeavors which were meant to be kept secret from the society. With the income from the Surface the place continued to prosper enough to actually become a somewhat decent place. For a brothel, anyway. Despite the activities inside, it was one of cleaner places in the Underground.

They hid in the corner of the next building, Levi watching the traffic by the building’s entrance. He felt Isabel’s face coming closer to take a peek on her own, and had to quickly push her aside as a man in a suit stopped by the entrance. He was average in both height and build, with a few wrinkles on his face. Levi watched the man slip a coin inside the guardsman’s outer jacket pocket, patting him on the shoulder and going in through the doors.

“Yosh, now we can come in. Right, Aniki?” Isabel asked with her eyes burning bright. She always got overly excited on the missions. Levi narrowed his eyes as he thought about what sort of place this was.

“You’re not going,” he said, watching the girl’s face fall. “Guard the entrance, if I don’t come back in an hour, create a distraction.”

Gaining an affirmative from Isabel, Levi stepped outside the alley, purposely going towards the entrance. His eyes met the guardsman’s, but Levi didn’t stop, brushing past the man until his path was blocked by a hand.

“Oi, where do you think you’re going, kid?”

Levi’s eyes blazed with dark intent. “Huh!?”

“This is for adults only. Go back where you came from, midget.” The words barely left the man’s mouth before Levi kicked his legs out of under him and the man fell.

“I suggest you to be less concerned about my size but rather think on how easily I brought you to your knees,” Levi said, then put his hand on the man’s shoulder, leaning down to whisper to the man’s ear. “Perhaps this isn't really the place for you either.”

Just before he went in, Levi spun the coin between his fingers and then flicked it behind his back, letting it roll on the ground beside the guardsman.

The place was semi-crowded. It had a few long, wooden tables in the middle area and some smaller ones by the bar. There were some entertainers out with the “clients,” pouring them their drinks, while the sleazy men caressed their naked thighs. Levi averted his eyes, continuing to search for the man of interest. He soon found him in a more secluded area; it was on a higher level than the scene below, allowing the guests to oversee everything happening without really being involved. Though before Levi reached the man, the dirtbag managed to feel up at least two of the waitresses who offered him liquor.

Levi sat down to his left just as the man was putting his lips on the glass.

He raised an eyebrow while looking over Levi. “Can I help you?”

“That depends,” Levi began. “on whether you have information on the parcel going around in the market.”

The man hummed, then took a sip of his drink. “What kind of parcel?”

Levi turned to watch the man’s reaction as he said, “The one containing passage to the Surface.”

For a millisecond the man’s mouth hesitated, then he licked his lips clean and put the glass on the table. He seemed interested. But was it in the existence of such a parcel or in a deal the information could provide, Levi wasn’t sure yet.

The man drummed his fingers against the table. He then laughed. “So that’s why you followed me.”

Levi stiffened in his seat, but his face remained outwardly calm.

“You understand such precious information requires quite…a sum, if I must say.”

“If your information is valuable, we can then discuss the payment.”

“And what, no little gift beforehand?” the man joked. His eyes, though, held something Levi found disturbing. The raven haired-man stayed still as Gardel scooted closer, making Levi sick from the smell of booze oozing from his breath, and whispered while watching Levi’s eyes, “How about you give me that little birdie of yours and then we discuss the details?”

The leer on his face was disgusting, but the next moment the chair the man was sitting at got kicked out of the way and Gardel found his face being slammed against the table, hard enough to feel his teeth clash together. Before he could complain Levi grabbed a fistful of brown hair and pulled at them with enough force to feel the sting at their roots. “Don’t be mistaken,” Levi began in a seemingly uninterested voice. “Your only worth is the information you could provide.”

The man coughed and spat some blood from where he bit the inside of his mouth. Glaring, he lifted his eyes up only to shiver. “I’d choose carefully, if I were you.”

The dull gray eyes staring at him were those of a man who held no fear. Gardel knew that very well, how dangerous a man like that could be, so he kept still.

The commotion didn’t leave other customers completely unaffected, though, only a few dared to get closer to Levi. The three guys who possessed guns. Two on the left, one on the lower right. Levi didn’t need to show his acknowledging of them to be aware of their every move. Knowing they were probably Gardel’s people, though, made him freeze his fingers in the man’s scalp.

His eyes briskly shifted to the left when he felt a movement.

Yanking Gardel’s hair backwards, he let the man fall down, while his other hand tossed the nearest liquor bottle in the direction of the fired shot. Before the other side could shoot, Levi lifted his body around the table, rolling against the floor with a knife out and ready for a close combat.

He breathed in once, and then the battle ceased as soon as the bells rang out inside the foyer, announcing the arrival of the Chief of the Brothel. Though spitting blood, Gardel and his followers sheathed their weapons and stood up in respect, leaving Levi watch his surroundings in a wary sort of tension.

The crowd of people parted as the woman with silky auburn hair and rich brown lips came to stand before Levi. She watched him without fear, and while Levi could respect that, it didn’t mean he cared enough to sheathe his own weapon for her. He ignored the pointed look at his right hand.

“You’re Levi, aren’t you?” she asked, putting Levi even more on guard.

“Who’s asking?”

Something in her eyes sparked at his admission. She took a step closer to Levi, and then she extended her hand. “I’m Adalie. I was a friend of your mother’s,” she said, making Levi’s eyes widen slightly. “If you follow me, perhaps I can give some answers that you seek.”

 

***

 

The room he was lead to was deep inside the building; a part with restricted access, only available for Adalie and a few of her guardsmen. As Levi passed two on his way inside, the men didn’t stop him, but he could feel the alert tension in them. They wouldn’t hesitate to act if they sensed any dangerous motives from Levi.

The doors closed soundly behind their backs.  
  
“Please, make yourself comfortable,” the woman said, as she shed her long flowery scarf, revealing naked rosy shoulders and a strap of a dress which continued till her ankles. At this point Levi did sheathe his knife, but sitting down in an unfamiliar territory wasn’t his thing.  
  
“I’m good,” he said and surprisingly gained a soft chuckle from the woman.  
  
His eyes gave the room a quick scan as he came in. It was neater than he initially thought it would be. Ever since he was a kid he imagined it to be an extension of the entertainment downstairs, just for the special guests - with couches covered in expensive leather and silky pillows. He imagined chains and lashes - a place fitting for the aggressor. He later realized it for being for what it was - hyperbolized thoughts formulated by a scared young kid's mind. He never got to step inside the main building to find out what was true or not, though. He was kept in the abandoned part of the building for most of his early years but as soon as his mother's health started to deteriorate, they were quickly thrown into the basement - a dark and cold place, convenient to be left forgotten for days of a time. Sometimes even for a whole week. Back in those days his stomach grumbled more days than it had a glimpse of food.

The reality of being born in the brothel.  
  
Seeing the room now was almost anti-climactic. It was so boringly ordinary. There was a modest wooden desk in the faraway end, opposite the entrance, a bookshelf with several books, although the pages were mostly worn out, and stacks of journals, probably holding the customers' information. There was also a wooden rack, holding a few bright colored articles of clothing, but his eyes left the sight as soon as he was being called. He was once again offered a seat - a dark wooden chair, covered in rich emerald lining but he only cast her a steady look as a response and continued to stand with hands crossed against his chest.  
  
Seemingly resigning herself, Adelie sat down on the corner of the table, thrusting out her one hip for better stability. Levi addressed her first.  
  
“You said you have answers. Is the rumor about the parcel containing the passage to the Surface true?”  
  
She smiled slightly. “I also said I’m a friend of your mother’s. Aren’t you at least a bit curious?”  
  
“Not really,” Levi said evenly. “You’re a friend of a dead woman.”  
  
She chuckled with a sad smile. “How cold.”  
  
Levi narrowed his eyes and waited for her to speak up.  
  
She sighed, adjusting her position against the table. “The parcel you’re seeking is now worth ten times in the market. And the pricing is rising as we speak.”  
  
“That’s not what I’m asking.”

“Because that’s the information I don’t have,” she said and Levi was beginning to see he wasted his time here. He made his intentions clear by turning around and going for the exit.  
  
At the threshold he found his eyes being drawn back to the shelf on the left. It was an old silver fob watch with engravings on it, laying among the stack of journals stuffed together.  
  
"I still have her records, you know," Adelie said, her voice soft and deep - meaning to entice him without actually leaving her spot by the table. "I could give them to you," she offered, causing Levi to frown in thought.  
  
"Why would I want that dirty piece of paper?"  
  
"I don't know," she said with a shrug. "Sometimes when we don't have much left of the person in this world we tend to cling to the smallest things. Be it a memento or a _dirty piece of paper_ speaking of a time when they still existed."  
  
Levi stayed silent for a moment, thinking. Through some invisible force, his eyes lingered on the shelf. As he took in each separate journal, one different from the other, his mind wondered which would have belonged to his mother. He allowed himself a second to ponder over that fact, the next his eyes were shifting away. "I don't need such a thing," he resolutely said and moved towards the knob, for the second time.  
  
Before he could step outside, Adelie's voice reached his back.  
  
“If you want to know whether there really is a passage to the Surface inside, you should ask yourself if letting others find out before you worth the effort or not.”  
  
Levi eyed her over his shoulder one more time before turning the knob and stepping out of the room. He quickly slipped past the notice of the thugs he had been fighting before and found himself in the alley where Isabel was whistling something while leaning against the wall. He called out for her and at once her face split into a wide grin. She closed the distance between them, asking how the meeting went.

Levi stared at her for a moment and the only solution he could come up with was that no matter how eager and motivated she was, it was beyond her to help him further on this mission.

He needed to find someone else worthy of his time.

 

***

"G'night, Eren."

Isabel waved at him, one hand covering her yawning jaw, and climbed up the stairs to her bed.  
  
While the girl had been back for hours, the raven was yet to come home. It was a bit… unsettling, as it was unusual for him to disappear for a prolonged period of time without word, but it wasn't something Eren wanted to bring attention to just yet. He decided to stay up a bit longer and wait.  
  
It was a few more hours after his scrubbing of the sink (his daily, useless, _frustrating_ task), when Eren decided he had enough and would be turning in himself. The sink could be damned. And Levi. It was not like the man couldn't take care of himself even if something did happen.  
  
Eren wasn't worried.

Gathering his equipment, he went for the shelf and took out a carbon box with only a single wing attached on its left. The second one was visibly missing, ripped apart (maybe even before the box found its way in the future-Captain's hideout). Eren eyed the contents inside with mild amusement. There were little sections inside meaning to separate the fresh rags from washed and shitstained ones, several dusters and little rakes used for the dusters' tufts. Everything was so perfectly organized that he could now understand that Levi was a neat freak by nature and the Underground was just not a suitable place for him to shine.

Thoughts about the raven only made him sigh. He pushed the box inside the cupboard, closing the doors afterwards, when suddenly everything went black. He had a second-long panic where he wondered how realistic it was for him to lose his eyesight without any outside interference, when he realized he could vaguely identify the shapes of the furniture around him and smell the burnt out paraffin. The candle, right.  
  
He made to blindly reach out in the shelves above for a possible replacement when he heard something picking against the lock and froze. He waited a bated moment for the doors to open and when they did, Eren felt his shoulders sag at the sight of the scowling face appearing in the threshold. He felt his mouth stretching in a small smile as he greeted the man, softly, mindful of the sleeping girl. "Welcome back, Levi, sir."  
  
The raven cursed, seemingly startled by the brunet's voice. His hand, he noted, lowered from where it had already instinctively grabbed for the knife. "Fuck, what're you doing here?" he asked harshly, shutting the doors after himself.  
  
Eren frowned at the question, though, he had to wonder if Levi could even see that. No matter how superior his night vision was.  
  
"I… stay here," he started, standing up himself. "Each day, inside, because you don't trust me enough to let me outside. Where else would I be?" he asked with a bite, then felt himself blush at the raven's reprimand.  
  
Levi hissed slightly, then growled. “Don't sound so bitter, you got a roof under your head, do you fucking not? What I meant was what are you doing idling around like a creep in the dark?"  
  
"I was just putting away the cleaning supplies," Eren replied meekly, his eyes lowered, though as the raven came to stand directly by him, he was forced to look him in the eye. Damn it.  
  
"In the dark. When you can't see shit."  
  
It was true. His night blindness certainly made him extra clumsy but he had a reasonably trained muscle memory so he could get by with touch. When circumstances required that.

  
Eren shifted from foot to foot, feeling uncomfortable at being put under a judgemental stare he could sense even in pitch darkness.  
  
"Yeah, the, uh, candle ran out just before I could put it all away and I didn't want to burn a new one. Seemed like a waste."  
  
Silence surrounded them before a humm left the man's mouth. "Good thing you're aware," Levi said and walked further into the apartment, his shoulder brushing Eren's arm as he went.  
  
He stopped by the sink and crouched down, and Eren could hear doors being opened with a loud creak, followed by a click of the tongue (Eren was supposed to smear the hinges, but hadn't. In his defence, the oil ran out and they didn't collect a new one yet) there was a bit of a shuffle, the raven moving the objects around - searching - and then with a low curse, the doors fell shut. Eren could vaguely see the raven carrying something in his fist; a relatively long and solid object that made a high, echoing sound once its surface met the edge of the wooden table. A liquor bottle, Eren realized. As the man gave no indication to stop by Eren (-and what, offer him a glass? That must have been the farthest thing from the future-Captain's mind) and went straight for the doors, Eren found himself stopping him.  

"You're going out? Now?"  
  
He stopped, hand on the knob, though his back remained turned on Eren.  
  
"On the stairs. I'm literally going to be a door away."  
  
"Oh...okay."  
  
"Does that satisfy your curiosity?" he abruptly asked and Eren found himself blinking owlishly at the man.  
  
"Huh? I..." Eren trailed off as he searched helplessly for a response.  
  
"I'm not your responsibility, brat," he heard the man say. The familiarity of the words gave him an unsettling feeling in his stomach. He frowned, staying quiet as the man continued, "And I don't answer to you, so if I decide to go out, alone, in the middle of the night, that's my choice to make. Are we clear?"  
  
"Yes...sir," the brunet agreed.  
  
"God, you're a pain," Levi muttered under his breath just as he opened the doors.  
  
And suddenly it was very important to not let the raven go, alone. Be it Isabel's little hint about Levi looking disturbed after their shared mission or Eren's own badly masked worry, the brunet found himself with a hand against the door sill, asking.  
  
"Can I join..." he started, his voice lowering as the dull gray orbs settled on him, and almost losing his nerve. "You. Can I join you- on the stairs?"  
  
He waited, one second passing, two, before the man waved at him with the back of his hand, turning his back to him.  
  
"Do what you want," he said, then added over his shoulder. "And bring out a candle."  
  
Eren refrained from loudly vocalizing his appreciation for being given a chance.  
  
After he disposed of an old, burnt out candle by the entrance and replaced it with a fresh one, he found his eyes looking up at the ceiling. It was pitch black. It wasn't that weird of a sight considering the time of day but the knowledge of it being a constant sight was slightly disturbing. No sun day in and out. He wondered how a world like that even worked. His thoughts got disturbed by a sound of glass meeting stone and he quickly remembered his companion. Shaking his head out of unnecessary thoughts, for now, he settled on the stairs by the raven, a few centimeters apart.  
  
He didn't say anything for a long while. Eren kind of suspected that the raven had a lot on his mind, and if he had doubts before, watching the man sip from the bottle of wine, repeatedly, was an indication in itself. He looked tired; sunken eyes, paler than usual skin - a sight disturbingly familiar, yet not associated with the raven.  
  
"You can cry, you know?" he blurted out, then realizing what he had just said, hurriedly added, "I-f you want..."  
  
He half expected to be ridiculed. Clearly he couldn't have been more mistaken - the man wasn't grieving some invisible thing, he was just exhausted from the several days of lack of sleep and Eren was over his head.  
  
Instead, Levi just scoffed. "As if I would," he said then took another quick swing of the bottle, his eyes resting on its nape with his hand lowered. He twirled the bottle around, watching it with unseeing eyes. "Not to a brat like you..." he then whispered softly, words Eren wasn't even sure he was meant to have heard.  
  
Eren stayed put, allowing the man his privacy without it being invaded. Though the longer he sat there, the further his thoughts went and he found himself, once again, thinking about the red haired girl's face when she came back home alone, wondering what changed between going in and out of the building.  
  
A building filled with men, she had mentioned.  
  
"Isabel would cry," he quietly said.  
  
"What?"  
  
"If something happened to you, Isabel would cry," he amended. He chose his next words carefully. "Don't put yourself in unnecessary danger, okay?" he asked with a silent plea.  
  
"You're one ballsy guy, huh?" Levi duly noted, eyes trained on the steps below and probably missing the way Eren jumped at his words. Unlikely. The man was overseeing everything.  
  
Even without being his direct supervisor, Levi didn't seem less intimidating. Eren wondered how that worked. Maybe it was something about the way the raven sounded - low and commanding, a voice demanding attention. Or maybe it was the sharp look of those narrow, gray orbs that seemed to judge his very being on every occasion. Whatever the case, it made Eren stumble on his next words, apologizing.  
  
"I-I'm sorry, I just-"  
  
"Drop it."  
  
"But I-"  
  
"Seriously just shut your mouth, okay? I don't want to speak anymore tonight," he said, the end of that sentence losing its fire. It made Eren concede faster.  
  
"...okay."  
  
Something was clearly bothering the raven but Eren was too much of a risk to share his troubles with, was his first theory. Another, a more disturbing theory, was that he didn't speak to anyone, ever. Friend or foe. At least not about anything that truly mattered. It was a sad thought, one that made Eren feel a sort of pain in his chest.  
  
As his eyes settled on the raven, he froze, feeling shaken himself by the sight ahead. Levi was shaking. Not by much, only the twitching of the shoulders, but it was an unfamiliar sight enough to scare Eren into stillness. At first he had an atrocious thought that the raven must be crying, but after confirming that, no, his eyes were dry, he could no longer explain the reason. While his eyes weren't shedding any tears, his jaw together with his lean fingers were clenched tightly. Perhaps the pressure of that alone made his body shake. Eren didn't know, and he doubted the man would appreciate his probing further. Perhaps the best course of action would have been just to stand up and leave the man to his thoughts, undisturbed. But for some reason something was stopping Eren and he remained seated.

He just looked so...sad, and lonely.

Maybe Eren was projecting his own thoughts - his longing for his own time and friends - but in case he wasn't, he didn't want to leave the raven alone in this.  
  
He shifted slightly sideways. Then some more. When his arm finally bumped against a solid, heat-emitting limb, he stopped, waiting with his heart in his throat.  
  
"What're you doing?" A low voice asked. Eren was too afraid to speak, so he remained silent, eyes staring straight ahead. He heard and _felt_ the raven grunt in exasperation. "Oi, didn't you hear me? I asked you what the _fuck_ do you think you're doing?"  
  
"I thought you didn't want to speak more." Eren replied quietly, his eyes widening at the words that left his mouth. As he felt Levi shuffle, he quickly rearranged his face to a neutral one. He felt sweat gathering around his temple as he waited to be called out on his bullshit. When he finally dared to turn to look at the man, he found Levi frowning, his eyes regarding Eren with suspicion. Clearly he wasn't appreciating the humour.  
  
"Careful," he warned. "You push too much and you might actually get burned."

His words were beginning to sound slightly slurred, though the man did a good job in forcing to keep them articulate. It was almost adorable.  
  
Eren felt his lips stretching upwards. "Well good thing I have a high tolerance for heat and pain then," he replied cheekily and saw the older man roll his eyes at him. He turned away with a click of the tongue, letting Eren slump a bit further into the raven.

Hours passed. Or maybe just a few moments, Eren could no longer tell.

It was strangely comforting to have a shoulder to lean onto. For the both of them. Levi might argue on this point, saying Eren was overestimating his influence on the raven, and, perhaps, he truly was. But another part of him, a selfish part of him, desperately tried to hold on to the idea that maybe, just maybe, the raven needed a human contact just as much as Eren and was just more reserved to ask for it.  
  
It was so human. At the end of the day, both of them were just that - human. And that notion alone made Eren be bold enough to stand up and try to pry the bottle away from the nape-gripping fingers.  
  
"I think you had enough for today," the brunet offered as an explanation. He wasn't successful. The second Levi was left empty handed, pale hands quickly dove after it, effectively snatching the bottle back and making it difficult for Eren to get anywhere near it afterwards.  
  
It was only then, when Eren finally noticed how inebriated Levi truly was.  
  
It was almost funny. Eren didn't want to insult the future-captain by laughing out loud but he couldn't hold his lips from stretching for too long. Not with the way the raven was trying to glare Eren into submission with a blush on his cheeks and failing, miserably.  
  
"Will you give me the bottle?" Eren asked while reaching out for the glass object in question.  
  
"No," the raven said with a bit of a slur, his eyes blinking rapidly as if trying to clear the fog in his head. Eren pressed his lips together, considering.  
  
"Are you going to drink it?"  
  
Levi opened his mouth to retort, probably to tell Eren off, but suddenly stilled, his brows furrowing in thought. "No... Can't let Isabel see me like this."  
  
It was very sweet, actually, how highly the man respected the red-haired girl. It made Eren want to protect their bond, in any way he could. Much to Eren's disappointment, though, it wasn't looking like the man was planning to get back inside anytime soon. At least not without some serious probing. So that left Eren, once again, trying to forcibly separate Levi from the bottle, and receiving a kick in the knee for his efforts. The impact, while shallow, was enough to make Eren hiss and stumble backwards, nearly falling the staircase altogether.  
  
It put a much needed kick of adrenaline in his system to voice his frustration out loud.  
  
"Then what're you going to do, huh? Sit here until you sober up?" he asked the man in a higher voice. The volume seemed to bother the raven immensely, his face switching into a grimace. Good. Maybe if Eren annoyed the raven enough, the man would finally give up and go to bed. As his bedmate, the brunet felt responsibility in this matter.  
  
The raven suddenly stood up, putting his weight to one side as he swayed. "Yes!" he retorted with a glare. "That's exactly what I'm fucking planing to do." He unbalanced then, his front lunging forward in a slow falling one moment and slumping into Eren's broad chest the next.  
  
Even through his clothes, Eren could feel the irritation coming from the shorter man in waves, at being saved by the brunet.  
  
So much for gratitude.  
  
"Okay," Eren simply said, while pushing Levi backwards into a seating position. Perhaps too casually as it seemed to put the raven on edge even more than his previous pestering.  
  
"Okay? I didn't ask for your permission, brat."  
  
"You're becoming irritable again," Eren muttered in observation. "And, yes, I know. You wouldn't need it from me. You made it perfectly clear where I stand." He didn't really intend to sound so bitter but the past-hurts of the times when Levi held Eren in suspicion weren't that far away yet. At this point, it was still debatable how much the man truly trusted him, if at all.  
  
"You have no fucking clue where you stand," the raven whispered quietly, stilling the brunet into surprise. Was it really necessary to insult Eren's intelligence? He knew the older man thought of him as a stupid brat, beneath common sense, and he shouldn't be taking insults seriously from an intoxicated man, but it still pissed him off.  
  
"What's that supposed to mean?" he asked lowly, their eyes connecting for a second. It felt like the man was holding something back. Perhaps even a few _somethings_ . But just as Eren was about to prompt the man into sharing any of it, the eye contact was already lost. Instead, the raven resumed his irritated state, telling him off.  
  
"It means that you need to shut up or go away."  
  
Eren's shoulders slumped, mourning the loss of a moment which ended way too soon. Perhaps he only imagined it. Shaking himself out of it, Eren quickly told the man that _he would stay_ .  
  
For some reason he liked spending time with Levi, even when the man was an irritating, curse-spitting jackass. He heard a click of the tongue coming from the raven as Eren made to sit by Levi's side again. He left only a bare minimum of space between their shoulders, and as it was quickly closed by the grumpy man himself, Eren let himself believe that the raven didn't hate his company as much either.

 


	4. Chapter 4

 

A few days later Levi suddenly announced that Eren would be coming with him. Knowing there wouldn’t be many more of these opportunities in the future provided he refused now, Eren followed the man without much questioning.

It was the first time Eren (properly) stepped outside since his arrival at Levi’s, so he took a chance to really look at the world he had ended up in. The pace of Levi’s stride was precise and brisk. He soon learned that it was not a place to sightsee in.

While the buildings’ walls were old and grimy, it was the interspaces between them which reeked from the puddles on the ground left behind by what he knew couldn’t be animals. The worst were the ones which still occupied the humans, though Eren had to wonder if they could still be called such. The man sitting in the corner of Eren’s vision had ashen skin; he was bony, sickeningly so, arms and legs which were visible from the otherwise rag-covered body. His mouth was slack and saliva-free, but what disturbed Eren the most were his eyes. They eerily reminded him of the eyes of those meeting their end by Titans. There was no spark, no hope, not even a slight attempt to preserve his life and as Eren looked around, watching the people avert their gazes as they walked by, Eren could hardly contain his rapidly rising anger.

He felt a hand on his shoulder and nearly jumped out of his skin.

“Levi, sir!”

The man stared at him for a moment, seemingly analysing him, before his eyes moved towards the man Eren had been staring at.

As Levi started to speak, his hand didn’t leave Eren’s shoulder once. Eren could feel the weight of it in the words he spoke.

“An abandoned world. A garbage dump. Some even call it a hellhole. You may think people here are cruel for leaving those dying be, but you mostly learn about the truth the hard way. As long as you’re trapped here, your own survival is never guaranteed. Caring about the half-corpses would only get you to your own grave sooner.”

“I know that you can’t save everyone,” Eren began, growing more frustrated with himself. “But if there’s a person needing help right in front of me, I can’t just-”

“How many do you see?”

The sudden question threw him off. “Huh?”

“How many helpless people do you see right now, Eren?”

He held their eye contact for longer than was necessary. Maybe it was because of the way Levi had said it but he knew what he would see once he looked around. He knew and yet, he had to see it for himself to fully understand it. As his eyes swept along the area he felt the sting in them. He didn’t know if he lost count because of the suddenly cloudy vision of his or because there were just too many to count.

“I…” he choked up, then bit his lip harshly till it bled, refusing to shed tears. He knew the world was cruel. It was just yet another abandoned place he wasn’t aware of. It was yet another lesson for his naïve heart to learn from.

“The list in endless,” Levi started again, while politely not commenting on Eren’s momentary breakdown. “It’s endless today, it’s gonna be endless tomorrow and day after. This is the fate of those living in the Underground. You may have lived under a safety blanket on the Surface, but here and now you need to be smart in order to survive. You get that?”

Did he? He probably did. He was just so tired of abandoning people while his duties were supposedly to keep humanity safe, to actually bring them hope. Yet, here…

“Eren.”

He felt the fingers press more firmly into his shoulder. He then understood. This was the world Levi grew up in. This was the world which shaped Levi’s personality and beliefs long before he had to endure everything the fight with Titans brought on. It was a vastly different world from the one Eren had lived in. Yet, they were the same. Humans or Titans, survival, momentary happiness. They were the same on both sides.

Clenching his teeth together Eren finally nodded.

He saw Levi nod and then felt a brief nudge to Eren’s back as the man’s hand left Eren’s shoulder. “Now, walk.”

They walked the rest of the distance in silence. He couldn’t tell if it was a comfortable one, but it felt like it was a needed one. As they finally emerged into more of a clearing Eren was glad to escape his plaguing thoughts in the form of physical activities. He could even feel excitement start in his bones as he watched omni-directional mobility gear appear in Levi’s hands. Levi took ahold of the belt and loosened a couple of clasps before putting it aside. He then took another set and began putting it on.

“Wait,  you’re going to train with me?”

At Eren’s abrupt question, Levi raised an eyebrow at him. “That’s obvious. There’s no way I’m letting a novice brat like you fly on your own.”

While Levi couldn’t know that Eren had more than enough experience with the gear to be allowed to use it on his own, Eren naïvely hoped the man would somehow hold more trust in him. It was a futile dream. Even his Captain, while indulging Eren on small talks or assisting him in trouble, never failed to stay wary of Eren.

After all, he was the man who held Eren’s life in his hands.

He shivered at the thought and consequently at that moment Levi was passing him the gear, witnessing Eren’s reaction. “What, if you’re scared then there’s no point in me training you,” Levi said and Eren could already feel the irritation in his voice.

Energetically shaking his head, Eren tried to reassure the man that he really wanted to do it. “I can do it,” he said with what he hoped was enough conviction.

He felt the cold metal against his fingers, waiting for Levi to relent his hold on the equipment. After a moment longer of their mutual staring, he felt it give.

He knew he shouldn’t ever hope for it, but as he continued to spend the time here, the lines were slowly starting to blur and it was harder and harder to see Levi as his commanding officer and not just, well, Levi. A roomate. A partner. A friend. He could only hope to one day become worthy of such title in Levi’s eyes.

While Levi showed him how to properly put on the gear, Eren tried to remember what the basic questions were when he first had contact with it. He couldn’t really remember, it being what seemed such a long time ago. And as Levi’s scrutinizing gaze refused to leave his form, Eren was sure he messed up… by not messing up.

“You’re a quick learner,” Levi noted, stopping Eren’s breathing for a moment.

He could feel his palms starting to sweat and he wondered if there was a plausible way in which he could try to explain to Levi how he actually had foreknowledge about the gear. As Levi turned around and pressed the trigger to propel himself on the rooftop, Eren knew he missed his chance.

By some kind of sheer luck, Eren actually did manage to mess up in a couple of places, where his palms were simply too sweaty to get a proper grip on the trigger or his legs felt too wobbly to stand firmly on the wall. Levi sighed like he was expecting it, and as it seemed to take the suspicion out of the man’s eyes Eren slowly started to relax and actually made a jump, swinging around the wall like his muscles remembered doing.

He made a few more leaps before joining Levi on the ground. Thankfully the man finally decided to let Eren practice on his own and get some rest. He knew Levi had been taking on a lot of solo jobs besides those he let Isabel join in, and on some days his exhaustion showed. Though he still refused to acknowledge the sweat on his temples which Eren pointed out. Instead, he chided Eren for being such a “freaking mother hen,” making the boy blush.

All in all, Eren thought he did rather well. Maybe a bit better than he should have, but he guessed he could get away with having a natural aptitude for these things.

“What are you avoiding?” Levi suddenly asked.

“Huh?”

“You’re making an awfully big loop before changing directions. In a narrow alley like this, you should cut the space in half,” as the man commented on his rather weird technique Eren felt himself get frustrated for almost giving himself away.

“You have to always be wary of your surroundings and adjust accordingly.”

“Yes, I understand.”

A frustrated breath left Levi’s mouth and it took Eren by surprise.

“Will you drop the formal speech? I ain’t your commanding officer or some shit, it’s creeping me out,” the man said, making Eren’s cheeks burn more intensely.

“Ah, sorry. O-of course,” he stammered. “What should I call you then?”

There was a moment of stillness where Levi gathered the unused equipment from the ground and put it in a backpack before thrusting it into Eren’s arms. “Levi,” he said, standing a few inches away from Eren. “Just call me Levi.”

Swallowing, Eren tried it out. “Okay… Levi.”  
  
He could faintly hear Levi's muttered "don't wear it out", but at that point the brunet was past caring. Being given permission to address Levi as his equal was more than he could have ever hoped for, and the fact that it was initiated by the raven himself filled him with excitement.  
  
A giddy sort of smile appeared on Eren's face, as his lips moved around the syllables of a once forbidden word. He did it unconsciously, repeatedly, without realizing that he was being stared at until his name was called out. He jumped. "Oi, brat. I didn't say you could sing sonnets with that," he said gruffly, making Eren's cheeks blush in embarrassment. "Cut that shit out."  
  
"Yes, Si-" Eren cut himself off at Levi's pointed glare. "Levi. Yes, Levi. I understand."  
  
The raven's face quickly soured, turning murderous as Eren kept replying to Levi while adding his name to each and every sentence spoken. By the time Eren was laughing out in mirth Levi was swearing at him and threatening to drop him on his head the next time Eren was in air. As the brunet playfully jumped back, evading Levi's oncoming kick in the shin, he found himself glancing up, an idea forming in his head. He smiled at the still scowling raven and after briskly putting on the backpack, placed his fingers against the handsets of the gear.  
  
"I'll race you home," he suddenly announced, startling Levi into stillness.  
  
“Huh? Are you a kid?” the man asked, gaining an amused smirk in return, but before he could retract his question, Eren proudly answered.

“I am. But you’re also not that old yourself.”

He only got a short glimpse of Levi’s surprised face before he took off, finally letting himself soar through the air.

It wasn’t long before he felt Levi’s presence by his side, and the sheer knowledge that Levi was matching his speed instead of flying off, as Eren was sure the man was more than capable of, made him feel warm inside. He was happy. In a world where death was an everyday occurrence, in a world where humanity seemed to have lost hope, just by being able to fly by Levi’s side – he was happy.

It was the first day he got a glimpse of what freedom was truly like.

 

***

 

The following day Levi was the first to rise. He managed to slip out of the bed without disturbing the sleeping boy, but as soon as he saw the brunet shifting in the sheets his feet stopped and he let himself stare at the tanned hands seeking for the vanished warmth and sighing as he finally reached the raven’s pillow.

Levi shouldn’t allow this. He should reprimand the boy for his self-indulgence but a part of him rejoiced in the small connection they shared. It was harmless. He could deal with it.

As he was setting up the breakfast table, Isabel came strolling in with a big yawn escaping her mouth. She kept rubbing against her eyes, ignoring Levi’s biting remarks to wash herself properly first, and just plopped on the seat, blinking at her share of food.

“Aniki,” she began, voice full of suspicion. “I think I’m hallucinating a sandwich on the table.”

Levi put his cup on the table and sat down opposite Isabel. “You’re not.”

“Eh!? But how? There is actual meat on bread!”

“A client owed me,” Levi said dismissively, then at Isabel’s inquiring eyes, added. “That and you’re gonna need your energy today. I’m taking you with us. We got a bigger fish to catch today.”

She squealed in excitement. “Finally! I can’t wait for us to become the Bandits of Justice Trio.” The grin she had on was almost infectious, but Levi managed to hold back.

“Idiot.”

They ate in silence. At least Levi did. Isabel still found it difficult to have proper table manners. Levi pretended he didn’t notice the bread crumbs flying out of her mouth as she ate. “Sho, how is slheeping wid Eren?”

“Eat, then talk,” Levi said then threw a slightly damp napkin straight into the girl’s face, watching it unceremoniously plop down on the table. The girl grimaced, swiping against the excessive water droplets on her skin, but seemed to get the point to behave herself, at least for now. This time she finished chewing before attempting to speak again.

“Sorry, Aniki.”

Levi hummed then took a sip from the cup.

They both fell into a thoughtful silence, silently munching onto the bread, which would have been fine if not for the obvious fidgeting of the girl. The cup was slowly put down. “What is it?” he asked, watching the girl biting her lip as if mulling over the words in her head.

“I won’t get mad,” he said, feeling the girl’s eyes shot up to meet his. “Promise,” he added for her benefit.

“I think…”she started, slowly, still with too much caution. It was unlike her. It could only mean it was something he didn’t like brought up about. Something as bothersome as _feelings_ . “He’s good for you, Aniki.” She finally settled on that and when Levi said nothing, clarified. _As if he didn’t already know what she was going for._ “Eren is good for you.”

A part of him wanted to shut the topic out. Any thoughts regarding the brunet still felt too confusing to dwell upon, he felt like he was going too deep too fast and that was a thought he didn’t feel he was yet ready to face, but after watching the girl so obviously fidgeting, he felt like he owed her at least some part of honesty, if not for himself.

He sighed. “Maybe.”

He thought Isabel shouldn’t have asked if his answer was going to surprise her so much, but thankfully before he needed to elaborate more, the subject of the topic strolled in with his belly showing where he was absentmindedly scratching it.

“Morning, Eren!” Isabel chirped in, receiving a vague “M’ning” from Eren.

As Eren’s eyes finally settled on Levi, he startled, finding the man staring at him. “Oh, uh, morning. Um, Levi.”

Levi didn’t comment on the kid’s failure in eloquent speech and just gestured for him to take a seat. Eren did. He was fidgeting through the first minutes of Levi cutting the bread slices and passing it to Eren, but as he thanked the man and got a soft "You're welcome." in return, he slowly relaxed. He relaxed enough to blatantly call out on Levi picking against the raisins in his bread and scooping them out.  
  
The man glared at him but there was a hint of pink in his cheeks as he called them "Disgusting shit."  
  
Eren had to bite his lip to not call the man adorable or some other equally as creepy name. Instead, he pushed his plate towards the raven's and offered to take them.  
  
The raven raised his eyebrow in suspicion. "Do you usually eat half-spat out food from other people's plates?"  
  
"They haven't been in your mouth yet," Eren argued. "Besides, I don't mind sharing, if it's with you."  
  
The silence that followed was a tell-sign enough for Eren to backtrack in his head and realize what he just said. His cheeks burned as he tried to stammer his way out of the disaster his mouth had put him into.  
  
"I didn't mean... I mean-" he was cut off by a sharp laugh coming from Isabel and though he tried speaking more, Levi told him to "Shut up, Eren."  
  
Ashamed, he cast his head down and was surprised to see his plate with an extra set of raisins in it. He glanced up at the raven with a question on his lips when his eyes settled on the pale cheeks stained with a familiar red. He found himself smiling at the scowling  raven's attempts at hiding his embarrassment behind harsh words.  
  
"I don't eat that shit, so we might as well not waste food," was his excuse, at which Eren politely didn't comment on.

 

***

 

The job seemed simple enough. There were three guys; a lanky looking brunet, a plump guy with a beard and a regular sized blonde with an ear piercing resembling a snake. While neither the brunet or the beard guy seemed armed, the piercing guy possessed at least two pocket knives that Levi could spot from their short observations; one on the inside pocket of his jacket, another at the hilt of his right boot. The goal was to make a distraction enough to disarm them, take the parcels of interest and make a run for it. Of course, Levi announced that he’d be the one to confront the men first, while both him and Isabel were strictly instructed to avoid getting into contact with the targets directly. One could never be too sure about the exact number of weapons on a person. Not in the Underground at least.

Eren trusted Levi’s judgement. It didn’t mean that he was happy about being dismissed like a liability in a mission so easily, though. Truthfully the sudden frustration that built inside him at the thought of not staying by Levi’s side in a dangerous situation surprised him. He was, after all, used to having to follow Levi’s orders. He was Captain Levi’s soldier, it was natural for him to obey the orders of his superior. The problem lied in the fact that in this world, Levi wasn’t his commanding officer, and he could feel himself grow more and more greedy for equality each day. At first he simply dismissed it to his untamed Titan instincts, but that excuse only got him so far.

He craved to stand beside Levi.

The sudden shiver that passed down his body was both perplexing and thrilling.

He startled when he heard Levi curse, “Shit, we were spotted. Eren-“

He barely managed to warn the brunet before a body collided with his side, making them both land on the ground with a hard thud. Eren gasped as the guy’s elbow punched him in the rib, momentary stunning him. As he felt a fist nearing his face, he let his instincts take over and rolled out of the way, twisting and kneeing the guy in the stomach.

He could hear two blades clashing in the near vicinity and realized that Levi must be engaged in a fight with the piercing guy. Well, if anyone could handle knives, it would be Levi. Eren guessed he should have been glad to only get the lanky guy for an opponent, but on the closer look he seemed to be more lean than frail, and his punch recovery speed was nearly as good as Eren’s. Nearly.

Speaking of… weren’t there three of them? He was sure there was one more guy…

“Eren! Aniki! I got it!”

As Isabel’s voice reached their ears, Eren turned, watching the girl waving towards them from the rooftop with a parcel attached to her hip. He almost wanted to wave back when Levi’s harsh voice startled him.

“That idiot! Isabel, behind you!” he barked, getting distracted himself which in turn left him exposed to his own opponent. The cut was shallow as Levi backed off, but it did put a smirk on the piercing guy’s face. 

Eren stopped watching Levi as soon as he realized that Isabel was the one in real trouble there. The plump bearded guy somehow managed to slip from behind them and followed the girl to the rooftop. The small pocket knife in Isabel’s hand was the only protection she had from a man who seemed big enough to squash her to her death by pressure alone.

Caught by anger and worry Eren nearly forgot about the lanky guy until a knife went flying into the guy’s neck, making him collapse by Eren’s feet. Levi stood with his back to Eren, blood trailing from the cut in his forearm and dripping onto his fingers. Somewhere in the distance, Eren could hear more footsteps coming and he knew they would soon be outnumbered.

“Eren, go after Isabel,” Levi said and Eren heard the message crystal clear _Protect Isabel in my stead_. Swallowing, Eren nodded an affirmative. “Got it.”

He went straight for the fire escape. While it was risky if the guy was armed, he had to count on being able to hide the possible injuries from Levi’s eyes. Being reckless and bold was his only choice right now.

As soon as he swung himself on the rooftop, his eyes quickly spotted the slumped down form on the ground. His heart skipped a beat. Her eyes were closed, and a small trail of blood ran down her temple, but a quick look towards her chest and he could see it expanding.

He sighed in relief.

That didn’t quench his fury, though. This man injured Isabel; an innocent, beautiful soul he had sworn he would protect. He shed her blood, and now Eren was going to pay him back tenfold. He roughly grabbed hold of the man's shoulder and turned him around, just enough for his fist to make it to his face. He hissed as his knuckles slammed against the guy's nose, but he didn't regret it. As he heard the unmistakable sound of bone breaking and the resonating sound of yelling, Eren knew it was worth the damage he himself had sustained. He watched the blood gushing down the guy's nose with sick satisfaction, his beard stained with red, making a disgusting sight that Eren was sure Levi wouldn't approve of.  
  
He always got messy in fights.

At the thought of Levi, Eren realized he had to speed up the process of finishing the guy off so that Levi could retreat himself. Pulling his fist back, Eren went to swing in again when the man’s hand quickly disappeared inside his jacket’s inner pocket and suddenly he was staring at the barrel of the gun.

Eren froze in place, while the man laughed in his face.

“Not so fierce now, are we?” he mocked and feeling confident in having Eren where he wanted him, and straightened up as he took a step forward. Then another. With each step Eren’s mind continued to spin. What was he supposed to do? While hiding a knife injury wouldn’t be much of an issue, how was he to explain a gunshot to Levi? Even worse, the sound alone would cause a lot of unwanted attention.

He cursed himself. At this moment both Eren and Isabel were posing as a distraction to Levi. A distraction which could cause more than just a small injury when facing a dozen opponents at once.

His fists started to tremble and the foolish man took it as Eren’s nerves. He started to cackle in delight as Eren closed his eyes tightly shut.

The last thought he had before lunging at the man was hoping the wound would be clear and he wouldn’t have to spend time fishing for the bullet.

The gun fired.

At first nobody moved. The stillness that came after the piercing sound seemed more prevalent than a second before. Then the sound of the same disturbing laughing reached his ears and Eren realized his stomach was burning. While he never got shot before, he found himself smirking. This kind of pain was nothing compared to things he had to endure in his Titan shifting training alone. Using the guy’s distraction, Eren grabbed for the guy’s wrist and aimed the gun at the guy’s thigh. Another shot rang out, then the loud cries.

Staggering back, Eren dropped the gun to the side, feeling up his own stomach. As he tried to heal himself, he felt something poking him from the inside and it caused him to stop the whole process. He quickly realized that he had no luck with getting a clean shot and that the bullet was still somewhere inside his body.

Great.

The most disturbing part was when he had to probe his wound with his fingers. He tried to prevent the sounds from escaping his mouth but the feeling was anything but pleasant. He had no idea what he was doing. And while he wouldn’t die if he somehow, accidently, managed to take out more than a bullet out of himself, he was sure that Levi wouldn’t appreciate the sight of his internal organs out in display like that. He really wished to avoid that.

Hissing at having pulled onto something tender inside, Eren felt his eyes sting in frustration. He hadn’t realized how much he treasured his newly found life here, with Levi and Isabel, living under the same roof, going to missions together. He truly started to enjoy their time together. And now he could feel the fragility of it. He knew better than anyone what Levi’s, Captain Levi’s opinion on Eren’s Titan was; a disgusting monster. If he saw Eren miraculously heal now, surely there would be nothing to prevent that truth from coming out. And he didn’t want that. He truly did not want that to happen. He wanted more time. More time with them. More time with Levi. He was yet to make Levi laugh. And he had to choke on a breath because he had no idea why making Levi laugh was such an import feat to Eren that he would have to think about it now, with his digits still knuckle deep inside his digestive system.

He was starting to feel his body and mind give up, accepting the inevitability of it all, especially when the voice of the man he wanted and dreaded to hear the most called his name from below.

He later called it a miracle. Or maybe a second chance, but in the very last possible moment he felt himself grab onto something solid, way more solid than anything a human body consisted of, and he pulled.

He stared at the bullet in his bloody hand frozen. He did it.

“Eren! Isabel!” Levi’s voice startled him back to action and he quickly pushed himself to his feet, letting the bullet roll on the ground.

He was just about to apologize for being too reckless and thoughtless but Levi’s horror filled face stopped him. The usually narrow dull gray eyes were wide open, staring at Eren in… fright? Shock? He couldn’t really grasp the emotion clearly.

At first he thought that the poor man somehow managed to crawl behind him and was once again posing a gun at Eren’s head but a quick look behind his shoulder and he could see that the man was out cold, losing quite a bit of blood from that leg. That didn’t explain Levi’s speechlessness, though.

“Eren… what…” the lack of clarity in his speech was worrying and Eren really couldn’t understand the issue there until his eyes followed Levi’s and he glanced down at the drenched front of his shirt. There was possibly no spot left which didn’t suggest Eren just rolled in a pool of blood. He instinctively grabbed hold onto the shirt, checking to see if the wound was gone. And it was but…the damage was done.

Swallowing nervously Eren stammered the first thought he had in mind, “I-I shot him,” he said and at first Levi didn’t seem to understand, until Eren pointed at the bearded guy passed out cold who _thankfully_ had a big pool of blood by the lower side of his body.

Eren shifted on his feet nervously. “I, um, we wrestled then he kind of passed out…” he said meekly and hoped the lame excuse he had just invented was enough for an adrenaline rushing mind. He waited a beat, two before Levi’s whole frame seemed to slump slightly to the side. His one hand, which was not laying limply by his side (because the other one was), went to brush against his face in exhaustion. He seemed more tired than Eren had ever seen the man be and that was saying something.

“…okay,” he said after a moment and it seemed quiet, with a hint of something Eren failed to identify.

The road back home was a silent one. Unlike the other day where they both enjoyed the quiet and peace their flying together brought upon, the silence was tense this time around. After the initial shock faded and Levi recovered his composure, the man was pissed. He didn’t say anything; he didn’t yell, he didn’t complain, but Eren would know that silent fury anywhere.  
  
He knew he messed up in protecting Isabel. As the girl's unconscious body was hoisted on his back, he could feel the weight of his responsibility and what one wrong move could have costed them all. As if hearing his thoughts he felt smaller than his own fingers gripping onto the back of his shirt, unrecognisable words being muttered against his neck. He wanted to cry. His mind still reeled from the shock and though he felt the tremors in his legs, he forced himself to move through it. He sniffled and his eyes involuntary met the back of the raven walking a bit ahead of him. His back was stiff and though he tried to hide it, something was wrong with his left arm. It was twitching under the strain Levi was keeping it at for the sake of hiding his injury.  
  
He wanted to help.  
  
"Levi-" he tried asking, his voice scratchy from the suppressed emotions.  
  
"Don't," the man only said, voice cold and to the point.  
  
"But-"  
  
"I said _don't_ , Eren," he repeated with more force, his words cutting him sharp, and Eren no longer had it in him to argue further. His eyes went downwards as he bit on his trembling lower lip. He knew he messed up. Levi wanted someone to have his back on the mission, instead he got an overconfident kid who could hardly protect himself, much less anybody else. He disappointed Levi. And now he was shutting Eren out. All that effort in getting the man to open up to him seemed to be slipping from Eren's fingers and he didn't know how he was going to stop it from happening.  
  
Perhaps he couldn't.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh oh. Trouble in paradise?


	5. Chapter 5

 

Eren watched in a tense silence as the raven moved around the room; roughly collecting Eren's  sheets from their shared bed and then dumping them back on the sofa. He wanted to say so much, but his throat felt clogged. Levi hadn't said a word. Eren hadn't tried. Only his ears were ringing loud enough to fill the otherwise dead silence.

When the raven's back was finally out of his vision, Eren felt himself exhale a heavy breath. His body sagged and he found himself sitting on the sofa with hands gripping his hair in frustration.    
  
It was hard for him to fall asleep. It shouldn't have been possible but the first night he was forced to go back to sleeping alone his body immediately felt the change. He stayed up most of the night, tossing and turning, rumpling the sheets as his hands kept reaching out for something that was no longer there.  
  
He wasn't dependent on Levi but a weird part of him was missing his presence more than he would have liked to admit. While Levi usually left first before Eren woke up, that was not always the case. Sometimes, after a particularly taxing mission, Levi would sleep in, and Eren would wake up to the raven pressed tightly to his side. The first seconds of the sight always made his heart jump to his throat, afraid to be caught staring or worse, blamed for their current position, but as the seconds would pass, his heart would slowly settle down, and he would realize the raven wasn't waking up, giving Eren a few precious moments to simply watch a sleeping raven.  
  
The arrangement had been weird since the start but it also made one thing particularly clear to Eren. Levi trusted him. The extent of that was unknown, but he obviously trusted the brunet enough to allow himself to rest in his presence.  
  
Eren was missing that knowledge the most.  
  
The morning after was tense. He wasn't dismissed from the breakfast table but it didn't feel like he was welcome either. They were having steamed potatoes together with raisin-filled bread - a delicacy Eren would usually wolf out within seconds. Now Eren felt like he couldn't stomach a thing. He kept sneaking glances at the raven who kept pushing around his own food in the plate. He already spotted five raisins scooped out of the bread slices but the man was yet to do anything about it.  
  
At least Isabel wasn't having a problem with eating for the three of them. She was slowly but steadily recovering and that obviously came with the increase of appetite. Though, she really should slow down if she didn't want to choke on that large piece of potato she had just swallowed.  
  
Air left her open mouth first, then the cough was stronger and by the third her hand was already punching her fist against her chest, cheeks red and eyes glassy. Eren was out of his seat at once, rubbing her back while the girl was passed down a glass of water from her right side.  
  
She muttered a suppressed "T-hank yo-u..." through her coughing fit and was quickly chided for speaking by a frowning raven. As Eren saw the girl take a big breath in, he felt himself relax more and his eyes travelled across the table only to meet the turbulent gray orbs staring at him. His heart stopped. His lips parted, mouthing against a soundless word. He wanted to call out to him, horribly. For some reason, though, he found himself stuck, unsure and afraid of what he should say. The next moment Isabel was shifting in her seat, recovered from her fit, and Levi's eyes leaving his. The man was back to impassively staring at his plate. By the time Eren had sat down in his own seat, the raven had already produced a small gray napkin from his breast pocket and collected all the raisins inside of it.  
  
Isabel was finishing her second cup of water then, and after brushing her wet mouth against her sleeve, inquired about the raisins the man was currently holding in his palm.  
  
"Eh, Aniki? Where're you going with that?" she asked as Levi briskly stood up from the table, chair loudly sliding against the floor, and went for the doors with the napkin in his right hand.  
  
"Feeding it to the dogs," he deadpanned.  
  
Eren saw Isabel frown but he didn't comment on that as he was busy trying to catch up to a steadily retreating raven. "Hey, Levi. I think we really should talk abou-"  
  
The loud slam of the doors effectively cut the rest of that sentence, leaving Eren standing by the doors in silence. After a few painful moments he felt a hand settle against his back.  
  
"He wasn't really feeding them to the dogs," Isabel suddenly said.  
  
"Huh?" he asked in confusion. His ears were still ringing from the sound the wooden doors had made.  
  
"Dogs get really sick after eating raisins," the girl began explaining. "And Aniki isn't heartless enough to poison animals," she clarified and Eren just felt his heart sink.  
  
"Great," he said lifelessly. "Then that just means he'd rather throw away food than bare the thought of sharing it with me," Eren bit out the statement, and immediately regretted his tone, feeling the girl shift around uncomfortably on her feet.  
  
"Eren...I'm sure Aniki'll come around."  
  
"Yeah," Eren agreed.  
  
He didn't believe it for a second.  
   
The following days had been a torture to Eren. No matter how much he tried to initiate a conversation with the raven, he would just get shot down. Eren made sure to take extra care of the housework in order to not set off the older man further, but even that seemed to have lost its appeal to Levi. It was like the man lost any and all interest in Eren. To him, he seemed like a blank space, a shadow walking inside the walls of his home.  
  
He would mutter a short good morning greeting, but it would be said without a direct recipient so Eren had to wonder if he even meant a single one to him, or was it just a way of greeting the morning itself.  
  
He also hadn't invited Eren on any of the jobs, since that day.

Isabel’s head injury proved to be nothing but a scratch so after a couple of days they were already preparing for another job. Eren was appointed yet another cleaning task, wordlessly, as he watched the duo take the gears from the shelf, one set for each.  
  
"How's your head, Isabel?" the man asked as he proceeded to secure the metal against his hips.  
  
"Great!" the girl chirped in enthusiastically while checking herself out in the mirror. "Can't wait to get out of here. It's been so boring having to stay inside for days."  
  
Eren bit down a remark, pointedly not acknowledging the girl's statement.  
  
"How about you, Aniki?" the girl then asked.  
  
He muttered a quick "Fine." before he bent his shoulder to secure the strap. His face scrunched over, and while it was only for a millisecond, Eren saw the man wince as soon as the leather pressed against his arm.  
  
_Fine my ass_ , Eren thought in silent fury. Clearly the man wasn't taking care of his health as well as he wanted others to believe. He wanted to step in but hesitated doing that in Isabel's presence. As if hearing his thoughts, the girl then ran up to him and smiled. "Hey, Eren. Tuck-u-ro's wing is almost healed so we'll have to set him free soon. You'll come, right?" she asked, and when Eren hesitated, brought her hands on his arm. "You promised."  
  
Eren reluctantly nodded. He didn't know how awkward that outing would get but he couldn't go back on his word now. And he was sure Levi wasn't so petty as to take that away from Isabel. The man adored her, after all.  
  
As he watched the duo leave without the raven sparing him a glance, Eren could only hope he wasn't wrong.

 

***

 

The stacks of documents laid out on the table were with names of the people Levi had already crossed out for having any relevant information regarding the parcel. The one they took home with them turned out to be fake, much to Levi’s frustration considering what trouble they went through to get it.

He could still feel the sting in his arm from where he got cut.

He’d been distracted when the shot rang out. Frozen, for a moment. Something he was taught time and time again to never do – never freeze in the middle of a battle. The best way of getting away alive was through movement, yet the moment his ears picked up on the sound, his whole body locked.

He thought that was it. For both Isabel and Eren.

At that moment he really thought that going to the Surface wasn’t worth it, if it meant their lives had to be lost. And as he crossed yet another name on the list, he couldn’t help a part of him feel relieved. It was mostly his ego which was preventing him from dropping the search completely.

He had Isabel with him by the table. The girl was puffing and huffing in disappointment while watching Levi cross the names out. She somehow felt responsible for the job going awry, which was ridiculous.

“Hey, Levi-bro. Can I go meet the client?”

“No,” he said, without hesitation.

“Then,” the red head questioned, “will you be going with Eren?”

“No,” was the only short answer she was given.

Defeated, Isabel sighed deeply.

“Such a shame, when you both work so well together…”

Levi chose to ignore her comment and remained silent. He wasn’t ready for Eren-related questions yet. Feeling a stinging in his arm again, he looked down and grimaced at the sight of dried blood forming a nasty looking red spot on his otherwise clean shirt. As he flexed his fingers he felt a tug travelling from the wound all the way down to his palm. Enough to numb his fingertips. Cursing he moved around to cover the area from view with his other arm while he watched Isabel fuss around the documents. Levi had to get her out of here before she caught on and made it a bigger deal than it was.

With hands crossed against one another Levi addressed the girl, "Go to the market, Isabel. The bread is finished."  
  
That made the girl stop furiously writing and look up at him. She blinked once, twice, then her face twisted unhappily. The girl slammed her palms against the table and pressed herself closer. "Eh? Why me? At the very least let's go together."  
  
Levi clicked his tongue at the initial failure and let his shoulders sag. "Then I suppose you're going to get these names all checked before midnight, alone, while I go to the market by myself." As he watched the girl sheepishly brush the back of her head, he continued, "Don't be a brat. We already have one too many in this place. Go buy a week's portion while I finish these up." He gestured towards the table with a sigh and watched the girl stand up and get the small amount of money from a burgundy pouch sitting in the shelf. She was still grumbling when her hand settled onto the knob.  
  
"Buy something for tonight," Levi said before she could leave. "A candy if you want or some other shit."  
  
The floor creaked.  
  
Levi had a split second warning before a heavy body launched itself at his back, arms encircling his frame. The raven stiffened, barely stopping his instinct to throw the person over his shoulder. His hand, he found, was already holding a thin wrist in a tight grip. As if burned, Levi quickly let go of it, and before he could ask the girl to do the same, she was already retreating.

"You're my favourite, Aniki," she said in a soft whisper. Levi felt himself sigh, unable to hate the girl's spontaneous acts, no matter how extravagant they might be. "Idiot," he muttered just as he heard the doors fall shut.

He waited until he was sure the girl had left, and only then did the future Captain allow himself to stand up. Swaying slightly on his feet, dark spots appeared behind his eyes. Shaking his head to focus, Levi proceeded to go wash up.  
  
That was his plan, at least, until Eren caught sight of him, suddenly appearing out of nowhere. _Wasn't he out?_ Levi pondered over that fact for a second before remembering he forbid the brat from leaving the place. He cursed his poor life choices, which now were coming to bite him in the ass. Eren was standing close to him and pointedly staring at his arm, the one which Levi was holding in support with the other one. He tried to bypass the kid but the brunet was faster.

“What happened? Is it your wound?” Eren asked in concern, his eyes moving rapidly to access the damage Levi had sustained.

“I’m fine,” Levi said and tried to once again dismiss the kid. What he didn’t expect was a hand to be slammed against the wall he was trying to pass by. His eyes narrowed darkly at the brunet.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Levi asked, a slight growl in his voice.

“You’re hurt. Let me help,” the brunet said without missing a beat. His green eyes shone brightly with determination.

It unsettled Levi.

“Move.”

“No,” Eren said, pushing even further. “Not until you let me help.”

A frustrated sigh left Levi’s mouth. “Stop acting like a brat.”

Rolling his eyes, the younger man responded, “Oh, because you avoiding me for days was so mature.”

“Eren.”

“What, Levi?,” Eren countered and they seemed to stop into a stalemate. Both only looking at each other, chests rising higher than usual from the mutually elevated breathing.

"Why… “ Eren ground out, before stopping himself, a hand running through his hair. “Why can’t you just let others help you?” he asked, voice breaking at the last word. It made something constrict within the older male, though he didn’t outwardly show that. He remained stoic, watching the boy with testing eyes.

Eren looked…  frustrated. With brows furrowed and posture tense, the teen looked like he had a thousand things to say but no sense to speak. With no intention of dragging any words out of the brunet's mouth, Levi remained silent, observing Eren with a scowl as he waited impatiently for the brunet to continue.

“Just let me take care of your wound and I’ll be out of your way,” Eren said quietly, with little strength in his voice. “Please,” he added as an afterthought. If he still had his eyes on the raven, he would have seen Levi flinch at the word, but his eyes remained downcast and Levi found himself biting back words harsher than he intended to, all to hide how swayed he truly was.

“Fine,” he spat out, fingers curling against the fabric of his shirt.

He watched the boy’s face fall with feigned disinterest. Clearly the brunet was expecting something else. _Just what exactly? What could he possibly want from Levi?_ He couldn’t dwell on it for long, as Eren took a purposeful step towards him, close enough to feel the radiating body heat from the younger male. Levi glared at him as he saw a hand advancing on him. It stopped mid-air, leaving the brunet to stare at the raven for a second too long, and then just as suddenly he averted his gaze, urging the man to take a seat on the couch and wait until the teen brought the medical necessities from the wooden box underneath the bed.

He tried to hide the wince when the skin caught onto the wet bandages. It hardly mattered, though, when Eren hissed loudly at the horrid sight his wound must have presented him.  
  
The next passing minutes were tense and uncomfortable as the brunet's fingers gently ran across the sensitive skin, cleaning the smeared blood before applying healing balm where it was needed.  
  
He knew Eren was seething, even if the brunet didn't outwardly come out with it. Just to spite him, Levi kept silent, as if daring him to say something, be it crying or complaining. With him, it could be either one. To his relief, Eren did neither. Instead he took a more cunning approach, muttering something under his breath, low and indecipherable. Something along the lines "unbelievable" and "stubborn jackass", before moving on to grab a fresh set of bandages.  
  
It almost made it worse.  
  
It made Levi want to both tear his heart open, taking a chance to be vulnerable once more, and also to shut his heart off for good, so that no forest-eyed brat could ever hope to come close.  
  
His thoughts were abruptly put to a halt, when he felt the younger boy’s fingers freeze, having finished with Levi’s bandages. For a while he just sat there, unnaturally still for the usually hot-tempered brunet, staring at the freshly treated limb as if it personally caused him pain.

Perhaps it did. Perhaps Levi was the cause of it all. But talking about it would mean him admitting being in the wrong. Admitting how much he actually _cared_. And Levi didn’t want any of that shit. Frankly, the wound was burning him enough to sour his already depleted mood completely.  
  
"Done," Eren belatedly announced, uselessly trying to fill the eerie void in the room, when they both knew neither was about to broach the subject.

Levi supposed he could ask for the teen to leave and be done with it; order him to clean or some shit. After all, he still had to change his shirt and Eren was doing nothing except for fidgeting on his feet and avoiding looking at Levi’s arm or naked chest for more time than was completely necessary.

He was failing.

It was awkward and confusing, yet Levi didn’t find it in himself to make the brat go.

“D-do you need help putting on a shirt?” Eren asked, and the nervousness in his voice was painfully visible.

“No.”

“Oh…okay.”

He wished he already sent the brat away.

 

***

 

“Eren,” Levi stressed the word out like it supposed to mean something. Which it did, usually, on most days. Actually, with Levi, it probably did somehow every day of his life.

Eren, in turn, seemed to get himself lost in the gray orbs. He never really noticed, but as the irises caught onto the light, they seemed to hold more color in them than just the plain gray he had assumed he knew so well. It frustrated him because here he was, supposed to be the one mad at Levi for acting like that towards him. The guy had ignored him for days and then, when he was on the verge of collapsing, he still managed to reject Eren’s help. It was if dying from infection would actually be more appealing than letting Eren exist anywhere in the vicinity. He didn’t even know it could sting so badly to be refused in helping treat someone’s wounds.

So, needless to say, he had plenty of reasons to stay angry at Levi, and instead he was admiring the guy’s freaking eyes.

Eren could barely even begin to understand what the hell was wrong with him. He was behaving like a lunatic, being so affected by everything Levi did. It didn’t help that he also sat naked from the waist up, with the smell of sweat clinging to his muscled body which Eren was slowly getting lost in. And why the hell did he even care about the way Levi smelled? It wasn’t even a good smell, and yet it had soon started to become too much, and he felt himself wishing to retreat.

As he stood up, a hand came around his wrist, stopping him.

He stared at the foreign sight in a frozen moment.

“What…?”

“I’m… sorry,” Levi said quietly; softly. His fingers burned an imprint into Eren’s skin where it was touching him.

“Wh-what?” Eren repeated, because he was hearing things. Surely. There was no way Levi apologized to him just now. But he still felt the burning sensation against his wrist, so he had to wonder what was true and what was illusion.

“I shouldn’t have behaved the way I did,” Levi began talking again, and this time Eren caught the man’s mouth as it moved with the words. So it was Levi speaking. It was unbelievable. What was more unbelievable was the fact that Levi seemed to be genuinely interested in patching things up with Eren.

He continued, “I did it because…” He paused, a frown appearing on his forehead. Eren felt his fingers in Levi’s grip twitch. “I was worried,” he finally settled on that, leaving Eren to process that.

“Huh,” was Eren’s intelligent reply. Nobody was really surprised by that.

“Honestly, when I first heard the shot I already thought you were both dead.”

Eren startled at that.

As Levi put a hand down his face, his hold on Eren also slackened, and then it was gone completely. Eren almost grabbed it back, but restrained himself. He waited for Levi to gather his thoughts.

“When I saw you on the rooftop, drenched in all that blood, I suddenly thought you being already dead would have been better,” he said, causing Eren to frown. “For a moment I thought I’d actually have to _watch_ you die.” At his admission Eren formed a soft _oh_ with his mouth.

Seeing Eren’s expression seemed to irritate Levi. He pulled Eren towards him and flickered him on the nose.

“I don’t actually want you dead, you stupid brat.” It almost sounded affectionate, if not for the still present frown. It made Eren think the impossible - perhaps, by some unimaginable course of events, Levi actually began to care for the brunet. Albeit in his own, mostly repressed way, but not any less truthful. Suddenly Hanji’s words started to make a lot more sense. Levi _cared_ , he just didn’t show it much, or _wasn’t willing_ before, but now was actively trying.

Eren felt his mouth stretch into a smile.

“Stop grinning, it’s creepy,” Levi said and slumped on the couch, letting his eyes fall shut.

Eren couldn’t help it, he was just so happy to finally sort things out. As he watched the rise and fall of the man’s chest, he momentary zoned out, then remembered Levi was still laying shirtless and quickly went for the cupboard to retrieve a clean shirt.

He thought Levi was asleep as he came to stand beside the couch. As if sensing his presence, the gray orbs opened up and Eren’s breath caught. “After I wake up, let’s go outside,” Levi said in quiet voice.

Finally allowing himself to grin without restrain, Eren decided one more push couldn’t hurt. “If we go, you’re treating me to a drink.”

Levi laughed. His eyes were scrunched and mouth wide open, showing teeth. Eren couldn’t get enough of the sight. “Not a chance, brat. Grow up first.” Levi reached out to pat Eren on the head, then turned around on his side on the couch, letting his shoulders slump.

“I’m actually taller than you,” the boy muttered, then bit his lip in case the man heard him.

He didn’t.

Eren stayed for a while just watching Levi’s sleeping form.

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sweets are bad for your teeth, but we still crave them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can tell my summaries went from non-existent to better-stop-talking ones lol Anyhow, thank you so very much for all your support, guys! Sending love!

 

They found themselves in the midst of a festival. As Eren turned to Levi for answers the man seemed to refuse looking directly at him. Eren wondered if presuming that Levi brought him out here to show the event was a bit narcissistic, but he couldn’t really think of another purpose of this outing.

Seeing the place in a joyful mood was a wholly new experience. The otherwise dull streets were filled with people and chatter. The street musicians still occupied the corners between the buildings, but this time they had an audience which truly seemed to enjoy the performance. It felt like the whole place was on a pause, a break in time where everyone let themselves, for just a day, stop and enjoy a moment in life.

His heart beat unsteadily as Eren cautiously watched for some poor soul slumped and abandoned, even in a time like this, but to his surprise, he couldn’t see one. True, some people were very sickly looking, but something in their eyes were different than before. There was a hint of spark which was previously gone. Maybe it was because everyone seemed to be sharing both food and joy with each other that, at least for this moment, those less than fortunate didn’t have to feel so alone. It was a bittersweet scene.

As his eyes scanned the area, he found a few food stalls, followed by clothing and accessories. Levi must have felt his urge to go check things out because he told Eren he would go check the food stall on his own. At Eren’s teasing question about the drink he promised, he only got shoved aside. Eren laughed at Levi’s reaction, feeling his insides swell with something warm and solid.

He found himself at the stall selling bracelets. He didn’t know what prompted him to go there, perhaps he thought he would bring a souvenir to Isabel, but as his eyes continued to scan the merchandise he realized he was truly and utterly lost. He had no idea what girls would like. Every dazzling accessory somehow looked the same to him.

“Need any help?” a voice suddenly asked. Glancing up Eren saw an elderly woman watching him with understanding; understanding he had no idea what he was looking at. He sighed, giving up the pretense. “I want to buy a gift,” he said.

“Who’s it for?”

“A friend, I guess.” He shrugged, his fingers going towards the handmade string bracelets. They were pinned from two strips, thin enough to not catch too much attention.

“Are you close?” the woman suddenly asked and Eren realized he forgot he wasn’t actually alone.

“Oh, um. I don’t know. I guess we’re starting to be? I mean, I want us to be, but up until recently they seemed pretty distant and I couldn’t really understand what was going on in their head, but it appears they were only worried for my safety... which is cute! N-not _cute_ cute,” he stammered as he felt his cheeks burn.

“But like, it’s nice, I mean, um. He’s nice. Sort of. When he wants to be, at least. And I actually saw him laugh today for the first time and it was… Levi’s not very much into laughing, you know? So it was a very rare occasion, I don’t even know if I will ever see it again, but I’d want to. I think. And I want him to let me in more, help him when he’s in danger or hurt. He’s very strong on his own but I think it’d be better if he let me help. And I… I mean, he… Levi’s beautiful and strong a-and… everything I ever wanted.”

By the time he finished he could feel the silence in his bones. Then came the sudden realization. In the midst of an unknown street Eren just admitted to a complete stranger that he was in love with Levi.

The blood rushed to his head first before going down to his toes.

What the hell was he supposed to do?

He could feel panic start to seep into him. He was starting to sweat, and it was becoming sticky and gross in his palms so it was a surprise to see a pair of warm hands encircling his own. He glanced up at the elderly woman he just poured his heart out without really meaning to. She had warm eyes and at the very least he knew he wasn’t being judged, but it didn’t help him not feel utter shame. “They seem to mean very much to you,” she said while Eren’s cheeks continued to burn. “So, here’s a gift from me.”

He felt it then. The presence of a fabric in his palms. It was light and soft. The red string. No, a pair of red strings. He knew there was no way he could pretend his internal revelation was a fluke when all he could think about after seeing the strings were how much he wished he could give it to Levi. Or how much he wished it could be accepted.

Sadness settled into his stomach as he thought about the reality of it all. There was no universe in which he could imagine Levi ever accepting such a thing from him. Yet, as the woman continued to stare at him with warm understanding eyes he couldn’t bear to refuse such a rare gift. He thanked her with a bittersweet feeling in his chest, knowing he’d hold on to the strings forever.

He left the stall and only took a couple of steps before having to stop. Levi stood a couple of feet away with a small bag containing a few loaves of breads under his arm while the other held onto a candy stick. He was watching the sweet suspiciously, his eyebrows furrowed and eyes narrowed, and all Eren could think about was how damn adorable he looked.

He was screwed. He knew it. There was no way he was either crafty or mature enough to be able to hide his feelings from Levi, and then he would surely be pushed away in revulsion and lose the man for good.

Eren was starting to feel emotional, but refused to let the tears to be shed. It was in that moment when Levi caught his eyes and Eren could trick himself into believing there was an additional glint in those gray orbs at the sight of Eren.

Eren was being awkward, refusing to close the distance so Levi took it upon himself to reach the brunet while eyeing him warily. Before he could ask, though, Eren’s eyes caught sight of the men, coming out of the dark alley and stumbling nearby the drink stall. At first he didn’t understand what caught his attention towards them, but then he realized the familiarity in them.

He grabbed onto Levi’s wrist before making a coherent thought. “It’s them,” he breathed out while Levi stayed patiently still.

“Them who?” Levi asked, raising a skeptical eyebrow.

Catching the raven’s eyes, Eren told him that he was sure those were the men that he first stumbled into before he met Levi. They were the ones who were looking for the infamous thug of the Underground. He knew Levi could handle them, but after watching his companion take a quick look around the surrounding area, he knew Levi wanted to avoid making a disturbance on such a night as much as Eren did. Those guys were simply not worth it.

The brunet felt Levi’s hand twist in his grip, and at first he thought he wanted to get rid of Eren’s offending limb. But then he felt fingers brush past his and before Eren’s  mind could catch up, he was running with Levi, hand in hand.

With the voices nearing behind their backs, Eren's optimism about avoiding an all-out fight was slowly beginning to diminish. Violence, after all, was sometimes the only way of preserving your life in this world. It made him angry. It didn't seem fair that they couldn't be allowed even a day free of the burdens of the world. The more he thought about it, the darker his thoughts went. It wasn't until he felt himself being yanked to the side, when he remembered that he wasn't alone, and that Levi didn't seem as keen to wallow in self-pity as the younger man apparently was. He threw Eren a sharp look, giving him only a moment to refocus, before bringing them into a maze of narrow alleys, effectively losing their pursuers along the way.  
  
Exhausted and a little bit thrilled by the chase, they finally slumped behind a wall of boxes, sitting in a cart nearby. With their breaths still too loud in their ears and their senses yet to come back from the overload, the feel of fingers brushing accidentally against one another felt almost electrical.

Levi was the first one to regain his breathing back to normal. He glanced at the panting youth, noticing the slight blush in the cheeks and the undeniable spark in those forest green eyes. As those same orbs shifted towards him, finally becoming aware of being stared at, Levi didn’t break the contact. The corner of his mouth quirked as Eren started to fidget nervously the longer the contact lasted.

It was in that moment when, while miscalculating his strength, Eren banged his elbow in one of the boxes, making the very top one wobble. Without thinking Levi reached out to grab onto the sleeve, pulling Eren out of the way, letting the box heavily crash on the floor.

“Sorry,” Eren said while flinching, then froze. Hands against the wall, he now held Levi trapped between himself and the wall. His eyes widened, but for whatever reason he stayed put, simply staring. His gaze travelled downwards, his own mouth making an unconscious motion of biting against his lower lip as impure thoughts protruded his mind. Shaking his head, he was about ready to pull back, when Levi’s voice stopped him.

“What, you look like you want to kiss me,” the man said in a cool voice, seemingly unaware what it did to Eren’s poor heart. He felt his cheeks heat up from embarrassment. He tried to stumble his way out of the situation with words, but only managed to make it worse by nearly insinuating that Levi wasn’t kissable enough.

Having being caught in a trap, he had to admit that he did indeed want to kiss Levi.

Eyes clenched shut he waited patiently to be rejected and pushed aside. What he didn’t expect was for Levi to exhale and softly tell him, “Go ahead.”

“Eh?” Blinking owlishly, Eren couldn’t believe he heard the man right.

“I’m telling you to…” Levi started, then pulled Eren closer, breathing the last words against his lips. “Kiss me.” Eren shivered as the last words left hot air against his lips.

The moment their lips touched, he felt something clench up in his stomach. His breath hitched, body going stiff at the foreign sensation before the feel of body heat of the shorter man filled him with longing and desire, making him lose train of thought.

Eren was a novice at intimacy and he was sure it showed, but he was also an instinctual being and as he brought his palms to cup the shorter man’s cheeks, fingers grazing against the skin below the short ends of the raven hair, the subtle shiver was felt by them both. His whole body quickly started to feel hot for having any effect on the man.

He was kissing a man he never thought he would have a chance with. Hell, he never really thought he liked men to begin with. He was content with being useful to humanity and being approved by Captain Levi.

Maybe that’s where it started. He admired the man from afar while always wishing to stand on equal footing with him. And here, in this time of period, he did. In a world where Levi was nothing more than just Levi, he could touch him. He could kiss him. And if his wildly beating heart won’t be stopping anytime soon, he would be able to love Levi.

A Levi he could love.

The rest of the festival moved like a blur to Eren. Everything seemed too bright, too light, his own weight seemed to be unable to hold him grounded as he walked the streets with Levi by his side, occasionally brushing the back of their hands together, teasingly. He would gain an exasperated sigh from the man, until having had enough, Levi grabbed hold of Eren’s hand to pull him to walk properly by his side.

Eren lived for those moments.

Every touch felt like fire and at the same time a balm to his heart.

They were just about to leave for home, when someone came running from behind them. “Aniki! Eren!” Soon enough a ball of force collided with their backs, taking their breaths away.

“Isabel,” Levi acknowledged, glancing towards her. She grinned at them, feeling proud of herself for having caught them. Eren knew that Levi was more than capable of evading her, but instead purposely indulged the girl. And when she took a bun from her pocket, splitting it into two to share with them, only Eren’s share was taken. Levi ruffled her hair and told her to eat it herself.

Pouting, she obliged, and then proceeded to drag both Eren and Levi by the hands towards the surface point.

The men were silent as they observed the red-haired girl quietly talking with the small bird in the metal cage. She excitedly told it about the lights in the festival, the music, the way everyone seemed to be so much happier to be part of something and how it would feel the same once Tuck-u-ro joined its peers in the sky.  
  
After a few weeks of recovery, the bird was finally healed. It was time to set it free.  
  
The duo half-expected to see her cry. Maybe to even throw a fit, refusing to give up her close friend. But Isabel didn't crumble. Not then. She slapped her cheeks, twice, and with only determination shining in her eyes, opened the metal cage to hold her friend in her arms, one last time.  

“Farewell, Tuck-u-ro!”

Yelling towards the steadily retreating back of the bird, Isabel continued waving, watching it go, and only after seeing the bird pass the barrier of the ceiling did she allow her eyes to dampen.  
  
With Eren and Levi sitting on the ground, the trio followed the bird’s silhouette as it continued to go further away, until it completely disappeared from sight.

The Wings of Freedom.

While watching the sky from this side of the world together with Levi and Isabel, he could feel the pull towards it, the urge to fly, which he had experienced ever since watching Levi’s back since childhood. Now, seeing himself sitting alongside Levi he wondered how the world would change for them. If he stayed by these two’s side, would they somehow manage to prevent the fall of Shiganshina, the three of them, or were they as insignificant and helpless against the fall of humanity no matter the side they stay on? The outcome might be unpredictable but one thing he was certain; he was glad to be able to witness it by Levi’s side.

As his fingers slowly inched towards Levi’s on the ground, he smiled, feeling Levi taking the initiative to intertwine their digits together.

He was sure. He made the right choice.

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

 

It was that one moment when things suddenly shifted.

Even while walking through the streets with Levi and Isabel, Eren could sense a nagging feeling in his gut, telling him that things wouldn’t last for much longer the way they were. It simply couldn’t. Maybe it was a self-fulfilling prophecy, but he had to admit that not once had he believed that this world would leave him be. He wouldn't be happy and content with his loved ones by his side, undisturbed.

It was like slowly falling; the sensation of lean fingers slipping from his, brushing past before severing the contact altogether. It felt wrong, empty and cold, making Eren think that the only way for him to fix his suddenly wildly beating heart was by trying to catch up to the falling fingers.  It was irrational, but for some reason he felt that he had to keep holding on. Maybe then, just maybe, something that had been building since the very beginning could be avoided.

He made a mistake of shifting his eyes forward.

There, by the bottom of the stairs, stood an older man, with a head full of gray, bordering on silver, hair. He wore a suit that spoke of his high status, and in his left hand he held a fob watch.  

He was not someone Eren was used to seeing amongst Levi’s clients. And that, perhaps, was how Eren knew the man wouldn’t be leaving until he got what he came for.

“What’s the deal, old man?”

Isabel spoke first, unknowingly saving Eren from having to confront his sudden panic. “You want something?”

“I’ve come to request a job,” the man said. “I promise you a reward.”

“Go home,” Levi said stiltedly, surprising both Isabel and Eren at the abrupt way the raven dismissed him without even being heard. Eren eyed the man with a wary sort of tension as he passed by, following Levi’s lead. It wasn’t long before the man spoke up again.

“I’ve already paid the deposit though,” he said with a calm confidence.

It was Isabel again, who stepped in, “Huh? It’s my first time seeing you,” she said while looking the man up and down, then shifting her eyes to Levi. “Hey, Aniki. Do you know this old man?”

“No.”

“Liar!” Isabel exclaimed while pointing at the gray haired man. “What, did you think we wouldn’t know?”

The man smiled, just a small curl of the lips, yet it rang alarm bells in the trio’s heads. “I can assure you, there’s no falsehood in my claim,” the man said. He then took a slight step to the side, aiming his body sideways to divert the trio’s attention to the commotion on the other side of the alley. “I’m sure you must know about him.”

Eren felt Levi flinch as he recognized the man being carried into a carriage with the help of two men.

“Jan!”

Levi’s arm shot out to stop Isabel from rushing to the man’s side, wrinkling the material where he kept his hold on her. The elderly man continued, unperturbed, “His leg is already at its limit. He needs to get treatment at a hospital on the surface…isn’t that right, Levi-kun?”

The way the man addressed Levi quickly put Eren on edge and he found himself taking a step forward, shielding Isabel between himself and Levi.

“What’re you trying to do here?” he asked, watching the man haughtily showing his back to them without worry, as if the trio presented no threat to him.

“I already told you, didn’t I? It’s a deposit for the job,” the man said and finally turned his head over his shoulder, connecting his eyes to Levi’s as he spoke, “You’ll listen to the details now, right?”

Narrowing his eyes at the man, Levi agreed.

“Fine, then.”

 

***

 

“Hurry up and leave already,” the man standing guard on the bottom of the stairs said. Eren could vaguely feel himself being pushed down the last couple of steps before the entrance to the Stairway Tolls was resolutely shut.

If Eren had been paying attention, he would have probably said something to the way one of the men standing guard put his rough palms against Isabel’s back; pushing her and thus making her waver on her feet. Maybe he would have seen the glare which Levi sent in the man’s direction, and been silently proud of the flinch he gained in response.

As such, though, he hadn’t. Ever since the meeting on the surface his mind kept replying the words heard - the true price of freedom Levi so desperately tried to achieve.

He found himself asking - hopeful, desperately wanting to believe his presence didn’t actually influence the minds of others in such bizarre ways - his tone clipped, “We’re not taking on the job, right?”

He felt slightly resentful at the way Levi’s gray orbs kept staring at him. Unwavering, and cold. It was almost as if the prospect of killing a man, a man as important as _him,_ wasn’t enough to bother the future captain. Feeling frustration build up inside him, Eren closed the gap separating them, grabbing hold onto Levi’s right sleeve. “Right?” he asked again, his voice betraying his rising anxiety.

He felt Levi’s fingers close around his fisted knuckles, prying the digits free from the steel-like hold and at the same time broadcasting a clear message: _let go_. Eren had an urge then. Out of spite, he thought about tearing a piece of the clothing out and dumping it on the dirty puddle below his feet. It was childish. Because of his anger, he wished to retaliate in some way, but the only person standing before him was Levi - a person whose mission now was to kill Erwin Smith.

“We’ll carry on as always,” Levi said while calmly looking at the progressively seething Eren. “If they approach us, as that guy said, then we’ll start the job.”

Chancing a glance to the side, he saw a moment of hesitation in Isabel, before she nodded and came to stand by Levi. “Roger, Levi-bro.”

He could hardly believe the things they were saying. His mind kept buzzing with thoughts of how this turn of the events was somehow his fault for directly getting involved in the lives of the duo. He could see no reason why, in any part of the past, Levi would consider murdering the man who was both his mentor and the leader of the fight to humanity’s freedom. “You can’t be serious,” he protested, following after a steadily retreating Levi. They took a turn around a building before Eren’s rising voice forced Levi to stop and face the boy. “There is no way we can kill Erwin Smith from the Survey Corps.”

“Why not?” Levi asked. Raising an eyebrow, he added, “An acquaintance of yours?”

“ _No,_ ” Eren spat the word out with more force than he intended, then gritted out, “He’s one of the main forces in the fight against the Titans.”

“He is not our main concern,” Levi stated. “Jan is.”

“We can come up with a plan to save Jan later, but humanity _needs_ Erwin Smith.” He hoped there was a non-implicating way in which he could show the importance of the commander from his time. Instead, he settled on vague persuasion, “He is the only one who not only wishes, but is actually able to make a difference in humanity’s retaliation.”

“You talk like I’m supposed to give a shit what happens to the rest of humanity up there,” Levi said, his eyes taking a darker turn. “All it did to me was throw me in a forgotten dump to rot and die like some filthy pig. I don’t owe anything to those people. If their defenses are so weak that they can’t handle losing a single person, then their fates are already sealed, with or without my interference.”

Eren huffed in frustration. “That’s bullshit and you know it. You wouldn’t be trying so hard to get the passage to the surface if you didn’t think it was worth saving.”

As the last words rang out in an otherwise empty alley, Levi kept silent, and for a moment Eren thought he actually got through to him. Then the man opened his mouth and it was like he hadn’t even tried. “Maybe so. Erwin Smith isn’t one of them, though.”

“Levi, come on-“

“Choose.”

“Eh?”

Eren startled when he felt Levi press up against Eren’s side, lowering his voice enough to not be overheard by the anxiously fidgeting Isabel who stood witnessing their argument in silence. As he heard the words spoken into his ear, he wished he had been spared them himself. “Make a choice,” Levi repeated. “Either Erwin Smith or Jan… you can’t save both. One of them is going to die.”

His body went rigid at the words, and his face probably showed just how gutted he felt to be pressed into such a corner. He made a mistake of connecting his eyes to Levi’s, whose gray orbs seemed to have resumed their usual dull shade, waiting for Eren’s response, searching, until finally losing their final spark and giving up. “If you can’t take responsibility, don’t bother following us to the surface,” he said and stepped back from Eren, going to join Isabel and urging her to go.

He wondered if it was the first time he saw Levi truly disappointed in him. Well, he wasn’t alone in it.

 

***

 

Eren couldn’t stop feeling like he royally messed up.

While trying to juggle between what was right for his world back in the future and right for the one in the present, he put a strain in Levi’s trust in him, something he worked so hard to gain in the past few weeks. He hated being back to square one, where Levi never really expected anything from him, where he was too young, or too undisciplined to make appropriate choices.

His mind was abuzz. Each day he woke up he wondered if never finding someone to confide in about his time travel was the right approach. Early in the days he had decided to hide and avoid the situation rather than taking it head on, simply because he feared being rejected by the last people he felt closest to. He didn’t want to see the fear and disgust in their eyes when they would learn about him being a monster. But he wasn’t naïve enough to believe he actually could handle everything on his own. And each day the foreknowledge was weighing heavily on his shoulders.

He knew Erwin Smith was an essential asset for the humanity but nobody else knew that yet. To everyone else he was just a soldier with a promising future, a possibility, an idea yet to be born – surely nothing nearly enough to sacrifice Jan’s life for.

He sighed. While he didn’t personally feel attachment to the frail man he barely saw that one time discussing the details of the passage to the surface, he knew Levi did. Or at least felt the responsibility for. And thus Eren dismissing his life like that must have been a blow.

He didn’t know what the right way was.

Even as his feet led him to the entrance of their shared place, Eren still didn’t know.

Maybe there never was one right answer. But if he knew one thing, it was that no matter how much he struggled and tried to deny it, he was, and always will be, a monster inside, someone being ruled by instincts and emotions foremost. So as he pushed the doors open, he decided that making up with Levi was his priority, above the problems of the world. At least for now.

The place was silent, with only a dim light illuminating the slumped figure on the table. There were stacks of documents laying by his head, where Levi had it propped on his forearms. He looked soft and firm all at once.

Taking silent steps inside, Eren picked the blanket from the couch and approached Levi, draping it over his shoulders, before settling to sit on the nearest chair. There was a crease in Levi’s forehead which Eren itched to smoothe with his fingers, instead he reached out for the black silky locks; brushing it once, twice, then finding his wrist encircled in a close-to-painful grip.

Levi still seemed half-asleep with the way his hair gone wild in a few places from being pressed on, and the way his eyes still held that morning glare for being woken up prematurely.  As his eyes seemed to focus on Eren, he let go of the trapped limb, making a point of straightening up while not directly looking at Eren. “Fuck, how did you even get in?”

“I…used the key,” Eren said slowly and shuddered at Levi’s repeated curse.

“And you’re telling me I haven’t heard you come in?”

“You were sleeping…” Levi’s bitter laugh sent chills down his back.

“Yeah, corpses can lay comfortably forever,” he said bitterly, then muttered silently, “Shit.” Eren could see he was bothered by being caught off guard. It seemed unnatural, something which clashed with the very imagine that was Levi. Yet as the man continued to frown and curse, Eren knew it couldn’t have possibly been a fluke.

“Is it…” Eren tried, probing it carefully, like one would with a tender wound, “Is it my fault?” He felt himself flinch as Levi grunted the answer,

“Why bother asking if you already know?”

“I-I’m sorry,” he began apologizing profusely while forcing himself to stand up, the chair scraping the floor with a loud, cutting sound. “I didn’t mean to mess everything up for you,” he said and hoped he managed to convey his sincerity to the man. “I can go, if you don’t want to see me-“

He was abruptly cut off by Levi, whose eyes were turned on Eren’s wild ones, trying to escape. And as he was asked the very same question, Eren felt shame pool in the pit of his stomach.

“I, uh, no, I just-“

Levi sighed, heavily. “Sit down, Eren. If you came here to talk, then talk. Stop running like a toddler who shit his pants.”

It was awkward. Mortifying even. But Eren’s need to patch things up with Levi was still higher on the list than his own self preservation, so he clenched his eyes shut and sat down like he was told to.

Levi didn’t start the talk first, of course he didn’t, the man clearly told him to talk himself. But that didn’t mean that Eren had any idea where to even start. His hands kept fidgeting in his lap.

“I wasn’t sure if you’d want to talk…” he lowly said, wondering if there was a dumber thing he could have managed to start with. Then the man looked up to stare at Eren with his eyes slightly widened and Eren could only wish for the floor to swallow him down.

He jumped then, when he felt the warmth of a palm settle on his sweaty fingers. “You don’t have to be afraid of me shutting you out,” Levi said, making Eren ache and ache. “I won’t do it again.”

Here he was, the one messing up their trust and Levi still managed to be the one to know what to tell Eren to make him feel better. “Okay.” He nodded and felt the warmth leave his skin.

“You weren’t wrong,” Levi started with a sigh. “In wanting to preserve humanity,” he clarified at Eren’s questioning look. “What pissed me off was your inability to make hard choices. You’re not a kid anymore. You might be young but I wouldn’t have started anything with you, if I thought you were unable to make difficult choices independently. You can. You just don’t.”

That was…probably true. And as much as Eren could hate himself for it, he was yet to find a way to be brave enough to make that one correct choice.

“I’m afraid of making the wrong one…”

“Everyone is. It’s part of being an adult. You make shitty choices with even more shitty consequences and then deal with it for the rest of your life.”

Eren couldn’t say anything.

“What do you want from me, Eren?” he asked, Levi’s voice carrying a melancholy which was unusual to him. Up until that moment, Eren seemed to not be aware that the whole situation not only weighted heavily on Eren, but also on Levi, emotionally. He wasn’t just angry at Eren or distracted by said anger. He was also…sad.

“Eh? I….nothing. I mean…” he stumbled upon words, but then stopped himself. “No. I want…” In truth, there was a lot he wanted. He wished so desperately he could say all the things he wanted. _I want to stay by your side, no matter where you go, no matter the danger you face, I want to be there with you. I trust you, but I don’t want to be treated like a liability by you, patiently waiting while you do everything on your own._ Instead, he settled on a single thing. “I want _you_.”

He felt like his throat was burning, and he hated how weak he must have looked, but also couldn’t help loving the care that Levi showed him; the way he tugged Eren towards himself to soothe him. Eren clung to him with everything he had, desperately, trying to whisper muffled _sorries_ into his neck, and Levi continued to pat his back through all that, reassuring him that it was _okay_. Which it wasn’t. So far from it being okay. But Eren selfishly took it and folded it deep inside to warm his scared young heart. And just as he saw Levi resigning himself to not hearing anything else spoken by Eren, he could be proud of himself for managing to tell Levi that he would be staying with him, regardless.

 

_***_

 

As they flew above the Underground city, each day Isabel looking more and more like a bird that refused to be contained, it inflamed Eren's own desire to be set free. The girl's wild spirit let him believe, hope for a world like that, where the three of them could live without constraints, without fear and constant smell of death and destruction. In a world where they could be anything they wanted.

_“Hey, Levi,” he once suggested. “When we finish our business with the surface, let’s get a house by the sea. With salty water and everything.”_

_“What are you talking about?”_

_“Let’s live freely, the three of us.”_

Eren remembered those moments. The promises. The dreams. As they flew towards yet another uncertain future, he let himself gather strength from the hope they all shared. That one day, they would all be free.

Their latest job was to pose as a distraction for the men on the ground to snatch the parcel away from the merchants. Then they’d escape the military police with the ODM gear.

It seemed simply enough, until the chasers changed from their usual ones.

Eren was the first one to spot the floating dark green coats, the insignia which he knew by heart now, hiding just underneath all that clothing. “The pursuers!”

Isabel looked behind her back and smirked. “Military police again? Haven’t learned their lesson, huh?” Eren wanted to correct her that it wasn’t the military police this time, but then the girl beamed in excitement at Levi. “Hey, Levi-bro. What I just said was a cool line, right?”

“Are you an idiot?” Was his short reply, which made the girl pout in a way that would usually make Eren affectionately flicker her nose, if they weren’t currently being chased by a group of highly trained soldiers. It was difficult. Being on this side of the battle, he had to suppress his primal instincts to go towards the green capped soldiers, in a search of familiar faces he logically knew wouldn’t yet be there.

“They’re not the Military Police,” he finally said, catching Levi’s thoughtful frown.

Levi propelled himself forward first. Using the hooks, he attached one to the wall, then using its created momentum, let himself be pulled by the other hook lower on the wall. He was going at a fast speed and Eren and Isabel had little to no way of catching up to him.

Luckily, this time, it wasn’t their primary goal.

He silently communicated with Isabel to proceed on the right, while Eren would take the left, this way splitting the forces in three groups. While he wasn’t sure how long Isabel was capable of letting the soldiers tail her, he knew Levi would play with them for a while and he himself was missing the freedom of flying so much that it was almost fun. Almost.

He had three pursuers, originally. As he made a sharp turn to the left, making a loop around the building, he somehow managed to lose two of them. He knew better than to think not knowing your enemy’s location to be a blessing. They were lurking somewhere about, waiting.

Firstly, he had to get rid of the remaining one. Looking around, he spotted a small wooden box, and aimed the hook towards it. He pulled it upwards, luckily finding it empty and light, and then aimed it behind himself, it successfully colliding with his pursuer.

While the box did no lasting damage, it made the guy chasing him cover his eyes, buying Eren more time to disappear between the buildings. He made another loop, feeling his body fly towards the clearing when he felt movement from his side. His heart managed to skip a single beat before the body of a man twice his size was propelling into his side, the force of it alone sending them both into the pile of bags of grain sitting below.

The dust from the impact obstructed his view but he knew he was being attacked and his mind kept sending him hints that the short glimpse of the face he saw belonged to someone he knew painfully well. Their weapons clashed together, Eren having enough thought to bring out his knife, but the speed was off. He shouldn’t have been allowed to take out his knife in time. Yet, he did. The only explanation he could think of was that he was being played.

After the view ahead cleared, he froze. He hadn’t quite expected to meet the man so soon, but here he was. The one and only Erwin Smith himself. That moment of hesitation was all it took for Erwin to get a hold of his hand and twist it, the angle painful enough to make Eren cry out and consequently drop his weapon.

He didn’t try to struggle much, for he knew he had been had, but his natural instincts still rewarded him with a kick in the stomach. It left him dry heaving on the ground, with eyes watering from the sheer force. In his cloudy peripheral vision he saw the man kneel beside him, before he spoke, “Eren, was it? You’re not from around here. Not like the other two. Do they know about you, I wonder?”

Eren coughed before answering, “I…don’t know what you mean.”

“I know about Levi and the young girl Isabel. There was also a third member named Farlan. You, on the other hand, never came up. Not until recently. Yet you seem to be very informative of the way things on top go. So what’s your identity, really?”

Eren frowned at that bit of information. Farlan? Eren had to wonder what was the the connection between the guy and Levi. Despite all those stories, the name never seemed to come up. However, now was not the time to dwell on it. “Someone who will become a soldier for you,” he said instead.

“Oh? So you want to join the Survey Corps.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Why?”

He looked up, confused. “Huh?”

“Why would you decide to go to the Underground only to join the Corps in the end? Was it to approach Levi?”

“What are you-“

“Tell me, Eren. Does Levi know your little secret?”

“Are you threatening me right now?”

“It’s a promise. If I find you pose any threat to humanity, I’ll take care of you.” And to make his point, he took out his titan killing blade from the sheath and rose it up, stopping a breath away from the side of his throat. Eren was made very sure to stay still, and he could feel blood pounding in his head as he felt the tip of the long blade casually dip to the south side of his neck, wandering dangerously close to his nape.

“Don’t move,” the low voice said.

He hadn’t quite expected the sudden relief at hearing Levi’s voice, but as his eyes shifted to the side, he saw the shorter man standing behind Erwin with a knife at his throat. The situation would have seemed more dire, if the future commander didn’t appear so unconcerned. He even chuckled in amusement. “Hey, which do you think would be faster? Your knife, or my blade?” he debated, causing Levi to narrow his already thin eyes further. He adjusted the knife in his grip, letting the blade cut shallowly into his skin.  

“I _will_ slice your throat,” he promised and Eren was sure, in that moment, he actually _meant_ it.

Erwin only hummed in thought. The man was insane. “Perhaps. But my hand is steady enough to take Eren with me,” he casually said and that was perhaps a valid chip he had. It certainly put Levi even more on edge. Eren could see the swirls inside his brain trying to think of a plan to take out Erwin without risking injuring Eren in the process, before the blond man spoke again, this time his voice sounding serious, “Stop it. Take a look around you.”

Eren couldn’t see, but Levi had soldiers on his back who were ready to attack at Erwin’s command, and they also had Isabel captured. They were trapped, and Levi saw that. Reluctantly he backed away from Erwin, and with his eyes never leaving the man’s hand, he let himself be manhandled and brought to his knees. The knife was gone from his fingers, but so was the blade from Eren’s throat. He let himself feel a moment of relief.

Erwin had a pleased smile on his face as he indicated for a fellow soldier to bring both Eren and Isabel to join Levi, on the ground on their knees. The whole time Levi was shooting him a murderous glare but the man seemed to be immune. In turn, Levi kept silent through the whole interrogating process about their use of ODM gear.

“You’re their leader, right?” Erwin said, taking a few steps forward. As Levi continued to stay tight lipped, a man Eren previously dismissed but now could clearly identify as Mike Zacharias, walked up behind Levi and after grabbing a fistful of black hair, slammed his face straight into a puddle.

Eren nearly broke out of his chains from the sudden burst of rage.

“I’ll ask once more,” Erwin said while haughtily looking at Levi from above. Eren didn’t want to risk attracting attention in case they all needed to make a run for it, but he could hardly contain his natural instincts urging him to get Mike’s hands off Levi.

This was insanity. The things he was seeing surely couldn’t have been the history set in stone. He was sure it must have somehow been his fault, for getting involved so tightly. Still, that didn’t make it alright by any means. It was his turn to turn the glare on Erwin as he continued speaking, “Where did you learn to use ODM gear?”

“We learned it by ourselves!” Isabel exclaimed, while struggling against her own restrains. “You bastards, get away from Levi-bro! Don’t be cocky just because you’re soldiers!”

The hand holding onto Levi’s hair, suddenly pulled his head up, showing the muddied water running down his cheeks. Eren knew how much he must have hated the situation he was in, and tried to not stare as much out of respect. He tensed up when the man responsible for Levi’s humiliation knelt beside the shorter man.

“I’m Erwin Smith. And you are?”

“…Levi.”

“Levi. Why don’t we make a deal?”

“A deal?”

“I will let your crimes go unpunished,” Erwin announced. “In return, lend me your strength. Join the Survey Corps.”

“Eh?” Eren felt himself startle, his eyes momentary catching Erwin’s. There was a spark of amusement in there, telling Eren that perhaps the man was aiming to get them to join the ranks from the very beginning. Eren didn’t need to preposition himself at all. He silently looked forward to the possibility to start afresh with Levi by his side.

“And if I refuse?”

“The Military Police will take you.”

Clearly Levi wasn’t as keen on agreeing as Eren was. Which was surprising, considering his future background. It was baffling to Eren, how these two ever became friends. Or comrades even. As the man continued to list the horrible ways they would be treated in the hands of the Military Police, the logistics of that just went further away.

“Fine,” Levi said after a long while. He spat the small amount of water, which he managed to intake, and with a glare that would have made the titans run for the hills, addressed Erwin in a cold voice, “I will join the Survey Corps.”

A part of Eren wondered if this really was the true story of the future Captain Levi.

 


	8. Chapter 8

 

Their integration to the Survey Corps was anything but smooth. First, they were separated on the same day they got assigned a room. The man in charge of them, Flagon, referred Isabel to the women’s quarters and immediately took a disliking to Levi, who held no ounce of respect for him. He didn’t fear to push into his supervisor’s personal space either, and only through Eren’s efforts on damage control did they manage to get through it unscathed.

Not for nothing, Eren was very good at following the required protocol around the barracks, and as much as Flagon tried to find fault in him, he couldn’t. Eren knew the way to speak, walk and there was no situation where he didn’t show the appropriate respect. Much to Levi’s disdain. The man wanted Eren to tell them to go drown themselves in the toilet on the first day.

Eren wasn’t sure if he should find it funny or insane, what a big gap laid in Eren’s Levi and the Captain he knew.

It was one of the early days, when the trio was yet to fully settle in the barracks, when Eren stumbled upon a sight.

Levi was standing by the mirror with his fingers furiously tugging against the knot in his tie. It looked like he was having a one-on-one battle with the material and the infamous frown was ever present on his face. Eren found himself chuckling silently in fondness, quickly covering his mouth as he realized the sound alerted Levi of his presence; a pair of gray orbs were now staring at him through a reflection in a mirror.

Giving a short, awkward wave, Eren stepped inside and walked to stand by Levi. He felt his heart give a sharp thud as he took in the light brown uniform hugging Levi’s lean, yet muscular frame. He was all set, just as Eren remembered him looking back in the present day, except for the neckline, which laid half exposed, with the sleek material of the tie hanging loosely around his neck.

“I can’t stand the tie,” Levi announced, making Eren blink in surprise. He had a point, though. There were only a few times when Eren had seen the man wearing something so formal, and each time he looked about ready to burn the material at the earliest possible opportunity.

“Why don’t you try going without it?” Eren suggested, watching Levi give up on making a compromise with the offending material and finally sliding it off his neck. He stared at his palm in silence, then sighed and extended his hand towards Eren. “Burn it,” he said.

Eren breathed out a nervous laugh. “You sure?”

“I’m not wearing it,” Levi said stubbornly, his eyes glaring daggers at his open neckline.

Eren bit his lip as he watched back and forth between the material in his palm and Levi’s reflection, wondering about the best way to propose the idea of Levi using a scarf instead.

“You can talk to me, you know. If anything is bothering you…”

“What’re you talking about?”

“You just seem…bothered. More on edge, than usual.”

For a moment Levi’s eyes connect with his, staring without words spoken, then something in his shoulders seemed to give and the man leaned against the frame of the mirror, with hands and legs crossed. “There’s already enough of an uproar about Underground dogs joining the ranks of Military,” he started while watching Eren nod and simultaneously move towards the table. He continued, frowning. “They think by dressing us all the same like some kind of ant army they will actually appease those fat asses sitting on top. Then we get assigned loose-pants as our supervisor, who actually dares to comment on my cleanliness, when he’s the one shitting all over himself. I swear, if constipation doesn’t kill him first, I will personally see to it.”

Eren went for the bag, which he absentmindedly left on the table, and pulled out the soft white fabric of clothing. “What’s that?” Levi’s voice made Eren jump slightly, as he hadn’t anticipated for the man to join him by the table.

“Oh, this, um…” At Levi’s prompting, he passed the material to the waiting hand, watching how the gray orbs took it in with interest. It was like there was a sudden glint in his eyes, a sudden idea, which was born out of nowhere. Levi briskly stood up and came to stand, once again, by the mirror, just this time his fingers worked on tying his trademark cravat in place.

Eren had to smile at the pleased look that appeared on the future Captain’s face.

It was a bittersweet smile, though. As he watched Levi being reborn as a soldier, part of Eren ached. He looked so much like the Captain, yet he wasn’t. It was like suddenly he was thrown back to the present where he was always just looking at Levi’s back from afar – like a subordinate should.

He tried to throw such thoughts away. After all, Levi hadn’t been his commanding officer for weeks now. The way Levi looked at him vastly differed from the way of a Captain. And though, a part of him worried whether the _real_ Captain would feel betrayed for Eren using him like that, another part just prayed for him to never to learn. His present was now his past. And his past was…his present. The one, who snuck up on him while Eren was lost in his thoughts and didn’t realize he was being stared at. The man who Eren could slide his hands on and smile with a warmth which was reciprocated. As he felt a soft pair of lips brush his chilled ones, he trembled, his heart squeezing him from the intensity of the affection he felt for the man.

He blinked open his eyes. There was mirth playing on Levi’s face at his confusion, before the man leaned in again, and his lips lingered, whispering a soft, “Thank you.”

As the doors closed behind his retreating back, Eren felt his knees give out, and he slid down to the ground while trying to calm his wildly beating heart. He was so, so over the moon for Levi. And he could only hope he managed to find a way to stay with Levi, on this side of the timeline, forever.

 

***

 

One of those days, while the trio hung around, eating their share of lunch, Isabel asked, “Hey, Aniki. Do you think we’ll see Farlan by any chance?” She greedily munched on the bun in hand, and Levi had to tell her several times to eat slower, telling her, repeatedly, that if she choked to death she would be unable to fly anymore.

It seemed to work for a while.

“I doubt it,” Levi said in a thoughtful silence. “He’s probably living somewhere in the inner walls.”

Farlan again. Eren was starting getting more and more curious about the mysterious man everyone seemed to be missing. “Who is Farlan?”

Isabel perked up at that. “Oh, he’s the guy who lived with Levi before you came. Actually, they were already close buddies before I was allowed to join. He then met this girl from the surface and got married.”

Eren had to wonder if somewhere further down they would be allowed to visit this Farlan friend of the duo. Certainly if it pleased Isabel it’d be worth it, no matter how unsettled he might feel about Levi’s past with a guy he had no idea about. As Levi asked him what was wrong, he feigned innocence.

Shortly after, they finally started their formal training.

The first time Levi took upon a horse was not how Eren secretly envisioned it.

He imagined Levi being a natural at all things. He had quickly mastered other skills - physical training and leadership, for example - so horse-riding seemed like it would be another tick on Levi’s list of innate abilities.

The reality couldn’t be further from Eren’s assumption. He watched Levi attempting to glare the animal into submission, which was a fruitless effort.

“Wh-what’re you doing?” Eren asked softly, not to be overheard by the lurking captains who seemed to be waiting for an opportunity to humiliate Levi. After he outrageously rejected their fighting technique and made a point that his own style was better suited for the future titan kills, Levi became hated by the higher ranks even more while simultaneously admired by fellow soldiers.

“It’s not letting me get up,” Levi said grumpily. “Do I stab it?”

“Wha-?” For a moment Eren thought he was joking, but as the shiny metal glistened by Levi’s side, Eren realized that Levi was dead serious. Only because Eren was quick enough to take the reins from him was a disaster miraculously prevented. “No! No, you do not stab the horse,” Eren said while looking at Levi’s indignant huff in astonishment. “Fu-furthermore, the horse is not an it. He has a name and gender. This one’s name is Spark.”

“Hmm.” Levi was still standing with a frown on his face as his eyes looked over the animal, but at least his weapon had been sheathed. He seemed stiff and uncomfortable in the presence of the horse and while Eren was sure it was impossible for Levi to feel fear of Spark, his tension wasn’t natural.

As he felt the horse settle down, he took Levi’s hand into his, and brought it at the horse’s head, brushing the furred skin in steady gentle strokes. “What’re you doing?” Levi asked.

“You should bond with your horse before going out there. This way you both will be able to trust each other to move as one when running from danger. If he gets scared and throws you off in the middle of battle, it won’t help either of you.”

“He will be lucky. Those shitty titans don’t eat anything but humans,” Levi shot back nonchalantly, missing the way Eren’s face twisted into a painful grimace.

“E-even so. Just try it, okay?”

The moment was disturbed by a loud exhilarated yell coming from a few yards ahead. They looked up to see Isabel’s supervisor trying and failing to catch the hyperactive girl. She was a natural with animals. She flew on a horse like it was her second nature and there was no stopping her.

Eren chuckled warmly at the display, feeling silently proud of the girl. He turned to Levi, expecting to share the mood with him, but instead found the man tenser than before. He muttered something, which Eren didn’t hear at first.

“Sorry, what?”

“Teach me how to ride the horse, Eren,” Levi said firmly and turned to look at Eren with determination shining in his eyes.

“Oh, uh. Sure, okay.”

For the next couple of hours, Eren gave pointers to the way one should behave around the horse, things to avoid (like walking around the back of the horse), or things to lure them with (mostly sugar), but overall he just relished in the feeling of Levi truly immersing himself in the training, trusting Eren’s judgement to do right by him.

There was one awkward moment when Levi inquired about where Eren learned the stuff from and Eren could only vaguely say that he had some training back at home. He felt guilty about lying so much about so many things to Levi, and he truly wished he could stop it. But it was naïve to think so. He was in too deep now to confess the truth. As he stepped inside the ranks of the Military once again, he realized that the amount of lies and half-truths would only increase from here on.

“You must have been a quick learner,” Levi commented, making Eren laugh at the absurdity of it.

“No, not at all. Quite the opposite, actually. When I was learning, my, uh, teacher, he said the horse was better off riding me than the other way around.” He felt his cheeks burn at the admission, having a wild moment where he thought Levi would be able to figure him out. When the man simply hummed, he managed to relax some.

“Hm, what a crude way of saying it.”

“Ha ha. Well, I was really bad at it, so…”

He steadied Levi on the horse with his hands, holding on despite Levi’s irritation at being flexible enough to manage to do it on his own. Eren ignored his indignation, telling him that the horse could feel his weight, which was less than a regular soldier’s and it could provoke the animal to not take Levi seriously.

“Are you telling me I’m short?”

“N-no. Well, I mean for the horse, you are.”

“So you’re telling me the horse thinks I’m short.”

“Oh, come on, Levi. You know you’re on the shorter side and while you got the muscle, the horse needs to feel a certain amount of weight or he could just throw you off.”

“I’m perfectly capable of staying put on a shitty horse without being thrown off, Eren.”

“Fine, whatever. Have at it.”

And then Eren let him go.

It barely took a few seconds for the horse to suddenly stand up on its rear legs and then with a neigh, to start galloping forward.

It was so sudden. One moment he was still standing by Levi's horse, lightly holding onto the reins, the next the leather left his palms with a hiss, taking Levi with it.   
  
"Levi!" his voice sprung out, worried for the raven's safety. Not even two minutes ago the older man had trouble keeping his balance in the saddle, there was no way it was safe for him to go off alone like that. Eren couldn't help the self-loathing thoughts from seeping into the surface of his mind as his eyes frantically searched through the woods for a glimpse of the raven.  
  
He should have been more careful. Levi specifically asked Eren to supervise his training. He was asked one single favor and he already managed to fail it.   
  
Goddamnit.   
  
For a second a horrifying thought crossed Eren's mind - what if he was already too late? What if the horse took fright and shook Levi off, leaving the shorter man with a concussion laying there... Hopeless... Alone...  
  
With a fast-beating heart, Eren dove into the clearing further down into the forest, desperately hoping to make it in time.   
  
_Let Levi be okay._   
  
He allowed himself to repeat that mantra a few more times before he suddenly took hold of the reins, pulling them short.   
  
He blinked.  
  
Just to be sure, the brunet rubbed his eyes before letting his mind comprehend the situation he was seeing - there by the bottom of a group of taller trees stood Levi with his horse securely tied around the bark. To Eren's utter surprise the animal was neither trying to escape nor fight the man off. Instead the horse was almost purring at the ministrations of the raven's fingers on its exposed neck.  
  
As the brunet slowly came to a realisation that the raven was in no immediate danger, he sighed in relief, carefully redirecting the shorter man's attention to him.

"Um, Levi..?" he asked, mindful of his tone to not to spook the animal. His voice didn't seem to startle the raven. Figures. He probably knew he was coming from a mile away.   
  
"Oh, Eren. You're here," he said offhandedly like Eren wasn't just running in a mindless search for the raven, worrying about his safety.   
  
" _Oh, Eren_ ?" the brunet parroted in a hiss, "What the hell, Levi? You just took off like that- I was worried the horse shook you off and left you laying in a ditch somewhere!"   
  
It pissed Eren off. Sure, the man was in no visible danger, but he could at least try putting himself in Eren's shoes. Much to his disappointment, Levi continued in the same casual tone as before.   
  
“Well, you were right,” he said, confusing Eren, and simultaneously taking the brunet's mind off of the reason why he should still be mad at the raven. Perhaps, that was what he intended.   
  
“It threw me off," Levi clarified, grimacing at Eren's sudden exclamation.   
  
“What!?”   
  
Immediately Eren's eyes landed on the plotch of dirt on Levi’s forearms and legs and he knew it to be true.   
  
“He did throw me off," Levi continued, "but then I jumped back on. After four such tries, he finally gave up,” he said and threw Eren a self-satisfied smirk.   
  
He should have known. No matter the times he was in, Levi was a force to be reckoned with. As Eren felt his lips slowly stretching into a smile,  he realized he wasn't sorry for being proud of his man.

Training with the duo was fun.

While Isabel had a natural aptitude for animals, it took her a while to master the ways of using the vertical maneuver gear for titan killing. Eren and Levi were by her side all the way through. They struggled, they laughed – they learned and relearned it all together. It felt like they were on a training camp, with only them having fun among the other frustrated soldiers.

It was fun until the reality knocked in, and announced their very first expedition outside the walls.

 

***

 

The night was restless.

Eren couldn’t settle his mind for longer than a few minutes before his thoughts would lead him to the reality of having to face titans, once again. He knew he couldn’t possibly be as reckless as he was used to back in the future world, so his strength was limited. Yet he knew that out of the three of them, he had the most intel on the behavior of the titans and it put him as an important asset to their team. Even though the other two weren’t aware of it.

There was also something he tried not to think about ever since they joined the ranks of the Survey Corps. On the day of their capture, as they were being lead to follow towards the Stairway Tolls, Mike Zacharias came to him. He stood by his side as close as he was on the day of his trial and sniffed.

And then Eren realized the horror of it. The man didn’t even need to say the words for his bones to shudder in fright.

_You smell._

Eren closed his eyes as the memory hit him full force. He had no idea what Erwin Smith truly thought of him but he knew the suspicion was there. And rightfully so. He was almost sure it was impossible for them to comprehend the possibility of the titan shifters this early in the timeline, but Erwin was no fool. And the sooner they would separate themselves from the man, the better.

He laid like that, on the bottom of the bunk bed, Levi staying on the higher part, for a while longer, simply watching ahead. He stared, then blinked as he saw a hand fall off the edge of the bed, the fingers it was attached to, slowly wiggling in a silent invitation.

Eren reached out, brushing his fingers against the offered ones. “Levi?”

“Why’re you awake?” the low, muffled by the dark, voice asked him, as fingers gripped his own firmly, reassuringly.

“Nothing. Just thinking.”

“What about?”

“I-it’s nothing. It’s not really important.”

“Just spit it out,” Levi sighed in slight irritation, then prompted him once more, “Eren.”

“Are you… glad we’re on the Surface? It was your dream, right?”

“Dream, huh?” Levi sighed. He was silent for a moment before softly saying, “It wasn’t my dream.”

“I thought you said…”

“It was Farlan’s dream,” Levi clarified. “I never really believed in dreams, hope, that sort of thing. It just opens you up to disappointment.” He’d had enough of that in his life. He didn’t need to set himself up for more. “So, I just follow someone else’s dreams. That way if they fail, it’s not my disappointment, but theirs.”

This wasn’t what Eren expected to hear from Levi, but he had to remind himself that the Levi he knew now and the Captain in his lifetime were two completely different people.

“At the very least,” Levi continued, “it’s a dream that would save Isabel from the fate of dying in the Underground. That makes it worth it.”

“Is it worth Erwin Smith’s life?”

“That again?”

Eren fell silent. He didn’t wish to argue more on the subject, but the thought of having to face the titans without the commander Erwin Smith alive scared him a little, quite a bit, actually. The man was a constant in Eren’s life, just like Levi was. He was ready to resign himself to the future of unknown, when Levi interrupted his thoughts.

“Just so you know, if I can help it, I don’t plan to kill him.”

“Huh?”

Levi sighed. “The plan was never to complete the job but to successfully get to the Surface. Now that we’re here, we can use whatever means necessary to escape the Survey Corps and rescue Jan.”

“Oh.” His heart skipped a beat. “That’s…good, I’m glad.” He felt a small smile stretch around his lips as relief slowly seeped into his core. He didn’t need to worry, after all. It was good. He was happy. And so, so relieved.

“You seem awfully concerned about Erwin Smith, despite the way he treated you,” Levi said and suddenly his voice was a lot closer than before. With another blink, Levi slid down from the edge of his bed and crawled towards Eren. If Eren would have tried to deny his body didn’t heat up at the sight of Levi crawling up his body, it’d be a lie. As such, he could only pretend the yelp that escaped his mouth as Levi settled himself into Eren’s lap had been a fail of a cough.

“The way he put his sword on your throat…” Levi continued to speak while his fingers traced the line on his neck where Erwin had his blade pressed. Eren knew there was no mark left. There couldn’t be. But Levi moved and spoke like there still was. Maybe in a way, one still existed in his mind.  

“He wasn’t really trying to kill me,” he said, soft, quiet, afraid to spook Levi of whatever he had going in his mind. “He was just trying to make a point.” He let his hands slide up Levi’s arms, encircling around his wrist in silent support.

“Hm.”

Levi hummed as if unhearing, then his eyes seemed to connect to Eren’s and stay there, boring into Eren’s green orbs. Levi seemed like he wanted to consume Eren with a look alone. And what an easy feat it would be. He lunged, forward, closer, until Eren felt himself being laid flatly on his back with Levi’s breath against his face.

His hands shifted from Levi’s wrist to the man’s waist, urging him on to close the remaining gap. He did. It was heat, and lips, and tongue. It was messier than any of their previous make out sessions but despite that, Eren felt empowered, like he _could_ and he _would_ be able to feel Levi as close as he wanted.

He relished in the way Levi’s muscles constricted against his curious hands placed on the other man’s strong thighs. The way Levi’s breathing seemed to lose its natural rhythm aa he gulped for air in between the kisses was intoxicating. He did that to Levi. He was doing that to Levi. He was making Levi come undone, unraveling the ever-composed man at the seams. He loved it, and could only hope he would be able to continue doing that in the future.

They didn’t go far that time. It wavered close to the edge, when Levi started to push himself against Eren’s lap, causing him to moan helplessly at the friction he felt, but then Levi started slowing down, stilling his own hips until the contact was broken altogether.

Eren wanted to whine in protest, but he also felt like he could hardly move a finger. His whole body was buzzing with the endorphins, his lips felt swollen and wet and his throat only went dry after seeing the equally debauched look on Levi, who still sat in his lap.

Eren wanted to curse, loudly.

Then Levi leaned in with a soft, “Be good,” and left Eren with an arousal he wasn’t prepared to get, climbing on the top of the bunker himself.

Eren both loved and detested the man in that moment.

It was infuriating.

 

_***_

 

The tension between Erwin and Levi never left. And just after a few days it was no secret in the barracks that on the slightest provocation there could be blood drawn between the two. Levi tried not to show his bloodlust as much, but the man was treading a thin line. It was like he was out to get him, provoking him on every turn.

It was just after their physical training session in the woods, when Levi spotted Erwin walking out of the carriage. He meant to pass the man indifferently, but as he felt a hand land on his shoulders, he couldn’t resist slapping it away.

“How feisty.” The blond man chuckled, mirth in his features. The man was behaving like they were close, infuriating Levi immensely. And that was perhaps why Erwin continued to poke his buttons.

“He’s quite skilled, isn’t he?” Erwin said, both knowing who he was referring to. “Not in a natural way like you, no. But he seems to know exactly what he’s doing, doesn’t he?”

Levi threw him a glare. “What’re you implying? Would you prefer he had no skills at all and became titan meat?”

“Of course not,” he said, then pushed his frame closer to Levi, whispering into his ear, the words that made Levi shake from within, “A fight with titans can be intense. Unpredictable even. Don’t you think, Levi?”

 

***

 

“Huh? That’s crazy!” Eren spoke in a raised voice, it resonating against the walls of the hallway the trio found themselves in. He lowered his voice some, hissing as he said, “There’s no way we’re going through with it.”

Earlier on, they had decided that they’d try and steal the document from Erwin and deliver it to Lobov. Or rather, they would use it to bargain for Jan’s life. It was a gamble – they wouldn’t exactly be meeting the two conditions of the assignment, but Levi was certain the document had to be important considering the means Lobov was going through to acquire it. However, the upcoming expedition had put a time constraint on obtaining the document, and thus they had failed. Erwin would soon be leaving with the document, so the only way to get it was to join the expedition outside the walls. It wasn’t ideal, but it was necessary. What was unnecessary, however, was that Levi announced he would be going alone.

Suffice to say, Eren was pissed.

“I’m not asking,” Levi said, leaving no room for argument. Well, tough luck, Eren thought. He wasn’t Levi’s subordinate anymore and he made sure Levi understood that. He would fight back, as equals.

“I’m done following your orders,” Eren said angrily.

Levi glared at him, willing him to submit, but Eren refused. He met Levi’s glare, his anger fueling the confidence it took to not back down. Captain or not, Levi’s glare was frightening, but Eren couldn’t give up. There was no way he was letting Levi go out on his own, and since Levi had mentioned it, Eren refused to let up.

But when Levi had told Isabel they would be nothing but a burden – no doubt in the hopes of having Eren let up on the argument – Eren saw red. He never thought he’d feel like punching the man, but right now, his fist in Levi’s face was starting to feel like a very good idea.

“I’m not ordering you,” Levi said. “I’m just saying I don’t think you’re ready to go out of the walls. Either of you.”

Eren wanted to laugh at the irony! He was the only one of the three of them to have seen titans, hell, he’d even been eaten by one, yet Levi had the audacity to say he wasn’t ready? Of course, Levi knew nothing of that, which only drove home the point that Levi didn’t trust Eren’s abilities. As infuriating as that was, it hurt. After all, Eren was the one who had taught Levi one of the fundamental skills of surviving in titan territory.

“And you think _you’re_ ready?” Eren challenged. “You’ve never even seen a titan before!” Levi’s eyes narrowed at Eren’s words and he quickly added, “None of us have! We’ve gotten the same training. We’re on the same level of readiness, Levi.”

“We are not on the same level.”

Those cold words were like a slap in the face. Eren’s hands itched at his side, acutely aware of the way Isabel seemed to have curled in on herself at the raven’s words.

“I’m going alone. End of story.” With that, Levi stalked off, leaving Eren and Isabel alone.

While Eren could understand that Levi was probably just trying to protect them, he couldn’t understand why Levi wasn’t seeing reason. The three of them together would be more efficient than just one, and they would be safer if there were more eyes.

Desperate, Eren turned to Isabel, hoping that if she teamed up with him, they could convince Levi to take them with.

“You agree with me, right? It’ll be better if we all go, don’t you think, Isabel?”

The girl’s eyes were downcast as she sat hunched over on the cold rocky floor. “I want to go together with Aniki but…I also don’t want to be a burden.”

Eren’s heart went out for the girl. “He didn’t mean that.”

“But-“

“He’s an idiot,” he said and wow he didn’t want to think about how naturally the word slipped his mouth. “He’s just saying those things so he can keep us out of harm's way. But we’re trained to take down titans, right?”

“I guess…”

“And we’re a team.” Eren smiled a little as Isabel looked at him. “We work better together, and we just have to make him remember that. Imagine how epic we will be taking down titans together.”

That sparked the fire of defiance in Isabel. She jumped up, pumping her fists. “Yes! Aniki, Eren and me, the best titan slayers in history!”

Eren grinned, Isabel’s sudden spike of enthusiasm contagious. “Exactly! Now let’s go tell that to that big dummy Levi.”

Chuckling, the two of them made off to find Levi.

They found Levi sitting on the rooftop, surrounded by darkness. As they approached him, Eren wondered if Levi liked the darkness because he was a lone wolf, or because that was all he knew from the Underground. Perhaps Levi simply found comfort in familiarity.

“It’s the same,” Levi quietly said as Isabel and Eren came to stand on either side of him. “When you can’t see the moon or stars, the sky up here is just the same as the sky down there.”

Eren tilted his head towards the sky and frowned. “There’s no way it’s the same,” he said, and if he was paying attention he’d have seen Levi look up at him in surprise. “Down there, the ceiling is the limit, up here, it’s the walls. But out there, outside those walls, the world is endless.”

“Look!” Isabel exclaimed while pointing out towards the sky. “The moon is so bright.”

Both Eren and Isabel sat down, Levi’s gaze following Isabel’s finger and Eren’s lingering on Levi. Excitedly, Isabel said, “Right? It’s different, right?”

“You might be strong, but you’re also reckless when you’re alone, Levi,” Eren said softly, as if trying to keep his words from Isabel. “We’re stronger together.” Eren hesitated a moment, hyper aware of Isabel’s smirk as she lowered her hand but continued gazing skywards.

Throwing caution to the wind, Eren brought his hand against Levi’s. “Let us help you.”

“Right right! What Eren says is right. Let us join you, Aniki. Believe in us.”

Those words affected Levi greatly. _Believe in us._ The man’s eyes widened and his resolve wavered, for the first time realizing the implication of his words earlier. Isabel and Levi gravitated towards each other, eyes meeting as Isabel grinned knowingly at the unspoken apology in Levi’s eyes.

Unbeknownst to the duo, those words resonated heavily with Eren, cutting him straight to his core. The same words were spoken to him what seemed like such a long time ago. Those three simple words plagued his mind, bringing grotesque recurring nightmares that he felt he could never escape.

_Believe in us._

He did, and the outcome was a horrible tragedy.

A part of him feared this would be the same.

He felt he had no right to ask that of Levi. He knew, or his mind tried to convince him, that things were different now. By being here with Levi now, Eren felt it was possible that he would be able to influence things for the better, but just how much would ultimately remain the same? Would the tragedies be unavoidable, or would other tragedies take their place?

As he watched Levi smile and ruffle Isabel’s hair, he couldn’t escape the nagging feeling in his gut that those words stirred up.

_Believe in us._

Levi agreed that he would. Eren could only hope it was the right decision.

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is not fully beta-read because I decided at the very last moment that I dislike a part of it, and rewrote it. Still, I don't think it's glaringly obvious, so it should be fine, maybe.
> 
> In any case, I wanted to thank you, all of you, for you support in following this journey. But also, thank you so much to those sharing their thoughts with me. It sometimes really is the best part of the day. 
> 
> Know that I appreciate you, and as far as this chapter goes, I hope you enjoy...heh.

 

Isabel Magnolia might have been an eager student of many arts, but she was a master of nearly none, discounting for her undeniable love for animals and nature in general. While both Eren and Levi quickly climbed through the exercises used in training, swiftly learning to complete more and more difficult tasks, Isabel was still dusting the basic ones. She didn't think she was bad at it, though. She, after all, knew how to operate the maneuvering gear. It was just that her speed was off and she found it  rather annoying to spend so much time perfecting some fancy technique when she could instead spend it with Daisy - her beautiful mare - or in nature in general.  
  
As the expedition was approaching the redhead knew she had no more excuses to give. Isabel had to take her training seriously, as promised. Good thing she found herself a loophole and decided on training both her maneuvering skills and horse riding at once.  
  
As she halted the horse by the path leading to the training grounds her eyes met a flash of a fast moving figure in the trees above. The person moved with quick precision, doing loops around the trees before quickly changing direction. She moved forward, already recognising the dark head even before the man landed at the branch of the tree above Isabel.  
  
She waved at him.  
  
After a quick explanation that, yes, she was here to train, and, no, she was not trying to play hooky, Levi made sure to test her on those words. The next hour he watched as she struggled with the exercises, forbidding her from taking a horse-riding break until she could at least complete them. Stingy.

When she thought her legs could no longer twist in the ways Levi wanted them to, she slumped on the ground on her hands and knees, panting.  
  
"Not bad," Levi simply said in approval and it was enough for her to breathe a sigh of relief. She accepted the container with water and eagerly drank from it before exhaling.  
  
She patted her knees, brushing the dirt away and then practically dragged Levi to the small pond just outside the training grounds.  
  
"I want to dip my sore feet into the water," she whined and Levi, though, grumbling, followed her lead. He refrained from wetting his feet, though.  
  
It was bliss. Pure relaxation. As her feet disappeared in the cold water Isabel felt her muscles lose their tension. She exhaled, head tipping backwards to watch a bird fly by. At first it was one, then it was joined by another two, though these two seemed smaller. It made her think of Levi, Eren and herself, and how Levi, even though he was the shortest (she wouldn’t dare tell him that, though!) was the strongest of them. The biggest in heart. A leader, a big brother, someone she could rely on. Family.  
  
"Hey," she began softly as her mind wandered. "Tell me about your mother."  
  
An expected silence followed her inquiry. She almost resigned herself to not hear anything else from the older man when he spoke, his voice low and quiet, but not unkind.  
  
"Why do you want to know?"  
  
She pressed her lips together. "Because I don't remember my own. And when I ask Eren about his, he just gets this really scary look on his face, like it really angers him to speak about it."  
  
"Hmm," the man hummed then the silence resumed.  
  
Isabel waited. She was in no hurry. The birds were entertaining enough and the water was pleasant. She inwardly smiled when she heard him speak up again, albeit reluctantly.  
  
"She was...vibrant," he quietly began and something in his voice drew Isabel to turn her eyes on him. "We looked a lot alike. At least that's what the patrons used to say. Same nose, same lips... As a baby, I was _pleasant to look at_ even if my existence was a nuisance. That didn't last long, though.” His eyes started to grow more distant as he spoke. “ As I aged, the differences started to show. I didn't put on much weight so always looked sickly and it pissed them off. Unlike her, who managed to hold on to her beauty, I was a scrawny kid with unpleasant look in his eyes to add. The more she refused to abandon me completely, the more they came to dislike me. As time went, they started disliking her also. "  
  
"Was she unkind to you?" she asked. When Levi turned to look at her, she added, "After."  
  
He frowned. "No...she was not unkind. She just didn't see me anymore."  
  
It sounded sad. While Isabel had nothing to compare it to, both her friends' experiences seemed painful enough. She found herself reaching for his hand and clutched it in both her hands. "I see you," she said with a timid smile on her face. She got one in return, albeit a small one. With his other hand, the one not currently occupied by Isabel, Levi reached out to ruffle the girl's head, his voice resonating from the above.

"Yes, you do."  
  
When her view was no longer obscured, she found her hand free from the appendage, and the older man himself was standing. As she hurried to get on her own two feet, accidentally stumbling before righting herself, Levi spoke.  
  
"I'm heading back. You coming?"  
  
Isabel pondered his question before shaking her head. "No. I think I'll stay and train a little bit more."  
  
Levi nodded at her. "Fine then."  
  
They walked the short distance to the horses together. Isabel was still reeling from the information the man had shared with her when she heard a happy sound escape from her mare's mouth. She eagerly obliged and patted the side of her neck. "Good girl."  
  
"She really likes you," Levi observed from the side, his hands busy with untying the knot securing his own stallion to the tree.  
  
"Of course," the girl said proudly, chest pushing out. She always loved animals and found no shame in admitting the fact that the feeling was mutual.  
  
As Levi caressed his own horse, she suddenly blurted out, "Why don't you leave him with me?"  
  
Levi quirked an eyebrow before asking, "Why?"  
  
"Because he likes here better," she said with a sad smile, eyes settled on her own girl. "Compared to being forced into a cramped, dark space, here he can run around as much as he wants to. He can be free," she amended.  
  
Levi didn't say anything but as she felt his presence come closer, she found reins being thrusted into her left hand. She accepted them eagerly, beaming at the raven in delight.  
  
"I'll take care of him!" the girl yelled out to the man's steadily retreating back.  
  
"Come on, Spark," she urged the horse. She lead them both to the training fields; Spark on the left side, Daisy on the right. It wasn't until she was watching the horses run around together, playfully nugging each other, that Isabel suddenly realized she actually sent Levi away on foot. While the training fields weren't that far from their base, it still was quite a distance to travel. She felt heat rush to her cheeks, a muffled squeal leaving her mouth. The horses faltered before resuming their run, leaving the girl alone to her embarrassment.  
  
She spent a good part of the day in the training fields. Part of her wanted to prevent herself from running into Levi, another was out of pure desire to stay closer to the nature, just a bit longer.  
  
She dismounted the horse by the entrance to the horse stalls and was surprised to see someone else still there so late in the evening. As she approached, the person looked up and she found her mouth stretching into a smile. "Eren!" she exclaimed, rushing towards him with the two animals still secured to her hold.  
  
"Isabel. Are you just getting back?" he asked kindly.

As the girl nodded he took the reins of Spark and helped her put the horses to the stalls. He was very tender towards the black stallion. Isabel was lucky enough to be a rare exception to the horse as he let her pet him without any distress on his part. Originally Spark had quite a difficult temper, much like his master, and unless it was Levi, Isabel or Eren who took care of him, he hardly tolerated any other human. The Captains nearly sent him away when they started to believe it would be impossible to tame the beast. A shame, too, as he was a beautiful horse. He had strong muscles, a lean body and his sleek fur shone against the light. His only flaw was probably the shortly-trimmed mane. Back in the day, when Levi was still in the process of taming the horse, he tried to give his mane a trim and he cut too much. He then tried to make it seem purposeful, even trying to imitate his own undercut but the more he was fixing it the less proper it looked and in the end he decided to cut it short.  
  
Easy to say it was a story not many knew of. Even Isabel wasn't supposed to be aware if not for stumbling on Eren teasing the raven about it, which later resulted in a wrestling match in the hay. Isabel left before she could conclude if Levi was truly mad at Eren or was just searching for an excuse to make out with him.  
  
While they were cute together, Isabel wanted no part in it.  
  
"What did you do today?" Eren suddenly asked, startling the girl back to focus on the brunet.  
  
"Oh, I went to train in the woods but then found Aniki there and we hung out a bit I guess," she said, being vague as she didn't know how much of what she heard Levi wanted to be known. He probably would tell him later. Maybe he already did. Still, she didn't feel like it was her place to meddle. With a shake of the head she waited for Eren to close up, her eyes drawing to Eren's sleeve which rolled up as he reached out to put out the fire on the torch. He caught her gaze and as he asked her about it, she realized she had been frowning.  
  
"It's just..." she began, unsure, racking her brain for the memory from what seemed long ago. "Didn't your wrist have more circles - 3 or 4?" she asked, having a flash of when she first saw the marks on Eren's wrist. Levi was putting on the bandages on his wounds when Isabel spotted them and excitedly pointed them out to Levi. She was quickly ushered out to bring back food so she didn't know how that had gone, though.  
  
But she did remember there being more circles. Now there was...one. Half of it, more like. "How did you do that? I thought it was a birthmark," she asked, truly curious about the strange phenomenon. When she heard nothing in response, her eyes found Eren. The brunet was unnaturally still; his face, even in the dimly lit shed, appeared pale. His eyes kept darting around, lost and devastated. She didn't know what she said wrong but the brunet was slowly starting to scare her.  
  
"Eren..?" she asked timidly and reached out for the boy's arm. Her touch seemed to awaken him. He jumped back, making Isabel startle in response, and with a quick word he was rushing out the shed.  
  
Isabel could do nothing more but stare after his retreating back, dumbfounded.

 

_***_

 

He ran to Levi as fast as he could. He could feel the time closing in around him, the clock taking his time away. It was like being scalded by boiling water one moment, the next being put into a freezer.

He felt the itch on his skin, where the reminder of that laid, branding him, but refused to think about it further until he reached Levi.

He knocked on the doors. Once, then impatiently twice, before they finally swung open.

“Eren? Why the hell are you knocking?”

It didn’t really occur to him that he didn’t need to do that. “Oh, I’m…” He felt lost and confused. His body screamed to be closer to Levi but he didn’t know how. He didn’t know how he could convey to Levi the severity of the situation without actually saying anything. He was possibly running out of time. He had no idea what was waiting for him on the other side. Maybe he would simply cease to exist. Maybe he would go back to a future so distantly different than his own, that he would be unable to recognize it.

Would Levi be in it? Did his future hold a future Levi which he could still be allowed to love? He didn’t know. And that unknown scared him so much, the cold sweat that travelled down his body even managed momentary trick him into thinking ice cubes were flowing in his veins, rather than blood anymore.

He was struggling to breathe, to stand properly on his own two legs and he knew he was starting to worry Levi but he couldn’t afford for the man to ask him anything. Not now. Not ever. So he took the step inside, placed his hands around the pale cheeks, and while looking Levi directly into the eyes told him the only thing he could, “I love you.” The gray orbs widened, searching wildly for some trick or logical reason but there was no such thing in Eren’s eyes. He loved Levi - deeply, unconditionally. It was simply love he wanted to express, and as his fingers brushed against the slowly heating up cheeks, he repeated again, and again, saying _I love you, Levi_ until the man was left breathing embarrassingly heavy and didn’t even realize he was being led to the table.

Eren pushed him against the edge of the furniture, trapping his body between it and his own heat. Every move of his was bold and confident. He didn’t feel like waiting. He didn’t _want_ to wait. And unless Levi punched him to get the hell away from him, he was prepared to push forward, further, until he could feel Levi’s skin just as close as his own.

Levi’s mouth felt hot and soft, tingling the brunet’s lips at their shared contact, and simultaneously making Eren lose the last of his power over his own will. His hands kept moving, kneading the flesh underneath the tightly-fit clothes, wishing he had the strength or the means to tear into them quicker. With a growl, Eren pushed his hands under the raven’s strong thighs and lifted him on the hard surface, attacking the pale neck with his mouth, roughly enough to pull against skin. He heard Levi’s breath hitch as his tongue darted out to get a taste of the skin underneath. It made him delirious; both the sensations he felt and the ones he was causing. With a sharp tug against his brown locks, Levi had his mouth covered with his own, nipping and teasing Eren’s lips, followed by lean fingers trailing down against the brunet’s back and pushing into his spine. Eren’s mouth fell open, separating their shared contact, as he stumbled, hands falling on either side of Levi. He took a couple of big gulps of air, his half-lidded eyes taking a glimpse of a sinful sight of flushed cheeks, a stark contrast against the pale skin.

Eren’s breath caught. He couldn’t believe he had a man as beautiful as Levi in his arms, just seconds prior. No. He couldn’t believe he had _Levi_ in his arms period. His eyes caught onto the glistening bruised lips, a sight that tugged against his ribcage. It made him dive right back in; mouth covering mouth, head tilting slightly to the side, pressing harder but beyond that unsure where he should go. He only thought he wanted _more_. He felt fingers fist against the back of his shirt, trailing down until one hand squeezed against his backside, making Eren’s mouth fall open and then, and _then_ Levi’s tongue was inside him and Eren could no longer hold back the whine. His hips trembled, struggling to keep him upright. One more push against his backside and Eren was falling against Levi, this time without stumbling. He moaned softly as he felt his aching arousal brush against Levi’s thigh. It was starting to get harder to breathe as tiny sounds kept struggling to come out of his mouth with each sensation of touch.

Levi was doing something with his right leg, teasing Eren as it kept brushing against Eren’s trembling thighs.

Frustrated and beyond turned on, the brunet’s hand shot out to stop the teasing, rough fingers grabbing against the strong muscles to still the limb. Perhaps that was what Levi was counting on because with a quick grin against the brunet’s lips, Eren felt hands wound up around his shoulders and in what seemed a blink he had his hands full of firm ass. Eren stumbled backwards, caught off guard by the sudden added weight but felt the approval in Levi’s gaze warm him up. Thank God he didn’t drop him.

Their mouths reconnected again. Eren could feel Levi everywhere; their shared breaths, the heat of where his body was tightly wound up against Eren, his own heart matching the rhythm of the one thumping against his chest. He felt intoxicated. Levi’s sudden sharp tug against his brown locks made him gasp and open his eyes to the hungry grays. He was drowning in them, unable to see anything else but Levi. As the raven came closer to nip against the brunet’s lower lip, he shivered, then shivered some more at hearing the man whispering hotly against his lips, “Take me to bed, Eren.”

He spun around, with Levi still securely in his hold, and took the remaining steps towards the bed. He had to gulp at the sight of flushed skin and silky black hair splayed against the white sheets. He wanted him. Eren was sure he never wanted anyone more in his life. As he felt Levi pull him back in, he went willingly, reconnecting their mouths while his hands wandered down towards the back of the man’s thigh, hooking it around his hips for better friction. He felt Levi push up his own hips, reaching out, and it almost made Eren lose it, before anything really happened. He didn’t know how far Levi would let him go but he wished he would let him go far enough so he could feel and touch the sensitive skin of another. It was hardly rational how much he desired to feel the muscles quivering underneath his fingertips.

Slowly separating their wet mouths, Eren risked a glance at Levi, his heart warming at the heat he found in that gaze, and with a gulp itched his fingers towards the edge of Levi’s pants. His previously absent nervousness reappeared full force when he got no signals to either continue or stop. For a moment he feared he read the situation wrong, that perhaps a heated make out session was all they were meant to do, but then he saw a frustrated grunt leave Levi’s mouth, and he had to widen his eyes at the feel of a hand boldly guiding his trembling fingers to Levi’s crotch.

“Stop. Teasing.” He was firm and hot under Eren’s fingers and as the brunet experimentally flexed his digits, the groan leaving the raven’s mouth made him look so wildly beautiful. He repeated it. Again and again, his fingers trailing up and down the path of its length as his eyes sought out the sight of Levi’s mouth falling open with the suppressed grunts.

Wanting to feel more, he quickly found the waistband of Levi’s pants, thanking the stars the man wasn’t still in his formal uniform for that would have taken forever to disassemble, pulled and then quickly wrapped his hand around Levi’s bare skin.

He was wet and hard, and the sounds escaping his swollen mouth made Eren dizzy. He barely had any awareness of the world outside him and Levi, his face burning with the heat they shared as he brought their mouths back together.

It was the ultimate trust; the vulnerability, the desire – he had it all. As he finally brought Levi to the highest peak, his eyes sought out to imprint the image into his mind. If there wasn’t another chance. If this was the only time he would be allowed to see Levi most exposed to him, he wanted to always remember it.

He was still painfully aroused as he watched Levi’s abdominal muscles rise and fall while he caught his breath. What he got was enough. He truly believed that, until the very moment when Levi rose to his knees and pushed Eren’s back against the wall. “Levi, wha…oh my God,” the brunet choked out, a strangled sound leaving his lips as Levi pulled his pants down and leaned down, appearing right at the level of Eren’s aching length.

There was no way, it was impossible that Levi was actually considering doing what he thought he was doing and his mouth failed to filter the first thoughts he had, “Levi, no, i-it’s dirty…”

The breath of air against his arousal made him shiver and clench his hands on the sheets. His mostly clouded mind barely registered the words spoken, before he felt heat unlike any other engulf his core.

_I know it’s dirty. Now shut up, Eren._

It was hot and wet with the right amount of pressure followed by the tingling sensations which carried out to his spine. He was feeling the kind of pleasure which made him lose his train of thoughts altogether. It was everything. Levi was everything. And as he felt the unbearable amount of longing towards the man to _keep him, keep him forever_ , he came with a choked out sob, his whole body trembling.

It felt like the world had stopped and then started spinning again. He really didn’t believe he was capable of moving anytime soon and just vaguely heard Levi settle back against the pillows, vertically opposite of the way Eren lain. The bed was just long enough for Eren to reach Levi’s feet and start absentmindedly running circles on his skin. The skin was still mostly soft, not yet used to the harsh belt burns from years of practice with the ODM gear. He quickly found it one of his favourite pastimes. Especially after finding out Levi’s ticklish side.

“Cut it out, Eren, before I make you,” the man said harshly, and even managed to throw a kick in Eren’s direction, which the brunet successfully avoided. When the next one flew, he simply caught Levi’s foot and tugged him down, his body sliding down the sheets. Huffing, Levi’s arms closed around the pillow, going underneath, when he found something there and pulled it out.

“What the hell is this?”

There was only one pair of strings which could make Eren’s heart go into a nervous override, and it was the same red ones currently being held captive by Levi. He put them there out of habit. To feel a closer connection to Levi. But the man himself was never meant to actually find them.

He hurriedly sat up, trying to wrestle the strings out of Levi’s grip. “It’s nothing! J-just something I bought back at the festival. You don’t have to mind them.”

As Levi regarded him with a raised brow, he knew his cheeks were burning. He was sure he couldn’t get more embarrassed.

“You’re more red than you were with my mouth on your dick,” Levi said bluntly and Eren had to rethink the possibly of him being unable to get even more ashamed.

“Eren,” Levi started again after the younger man did nothing except let his cheeks burn. “If you buy something as cliché as matching strings, then at least have the balls to put it on my wrist.”

Eren didn’t think he’d ever hear those words spoken out loud. Definitely not by Levi. His eyes shot out, wide and hopeful. He wanted to believe his desire to feel closer, to somehow make a statement to the world that Levi was his just as how Eren was Levi’s, wasn’t his alone. And as Levi extended his wrist towards Eren, patiently waiting for him to finally do something, Eren lunged at the opportunity.

It fit. How could it not, when it was made of strings? But somehow it was more than that. The rich red against the pale wrist, the way it reflected against Levi’s hair and eyes, it felt fitting – like a powerful statement. He couldn’t help if his eyes watered just then. He tried to brush it off but then gave up, knowing it was no use. Instead, he lowered his head to bring his lips against the inside of the wrist, where the knot laid, and vowed with all his heart that he’d find a way to stay with Levi.

 


	10. Chapter 10

 

His back felt tense and uncomfortable from the way he kept it hunched forward while trying to outwardly make himself appear smaller, less noticeable. Sweat was covering his palms, making the reins slip, before forcing Eren to grip them again. He was hyper aware of his surroundings; the cheers of the people coming to send off the soldiers, his own squad sitting on the horses nearby. He most definitely could feel a familiar presence out there in the crowd, almost like an echo of his mind.

Eren had belatedly realized that going on an expedition outside the walls also meant being exposed to all the people from his past. One, more dangerous than any other – his own younger self.

He made sure to push his longer bangs into his face, hoping it’d obscure his most prominent features from curious eyes, but he still felt way too self-conscious, thus provoking his body to hide in on itself.

He couldn’t risk the exposure. With how little he knew about time traveling, his past self seeing him could possibly destroy the world as he knew it. After all, he had no such memories of seeing himself back in his youth.

“What the hell is wrong with your hair?”

He swerved to the side, startled, when Levi urged his horse, a beautiful dark stallion, to come closer to Eren. His eyes were narrowed, with a hint of masterfully masked worry, seeking answers that Eren couldn’t possibly share. He tried to put on a weak smile, even going as far as trying to pull a joke of him trying out a new haircut. But Levi wasn’t buying it. Far from it. The man boldly leaned into his space, took a handful of Eren’s brown locks between his fingers and lifted them out of Eren’s face.

“Do you need personal help to tame this mane of yours? Because I can make it quick,” he warned, and Eren had to gulp at the sight of an exposed part of the blade in Levi’s other hand. He quickly shook his head, reassuring Levi that it wouldn’t be necessary.

As his hands fished out a bun to tie his hair with, his eyes anxiously darted back towards the crowd only to sigh in relief, when he witnessed his younger self being forcefully dragged away from the site by Mikasa. He hadn’t been more grateful for her meddling in his life.

“You need to be more aware, Eren,” Levi said, his voice seemingly soft. It made Eren avert his eyes in guilt. “We don’t know what’s out there. You can’t go looking at it half-heartedly.”

“I know that.”

As Levi’s fingers gave Eren’s shoulders one last squeeze, he felt the reluctance in it. If they weren’t in such a public place he would have probably gathered Levi in his arms.

It was staggeringly magnificent. The moment his eyes settled on Wall Maria, his limbs froze, as flashes of memories took him back to the day it was destroyed. It was weird, seeing the wall intact, all fifty meters of it without a crack in it. He was painfully used to seeing the big gaping hole in the middle of it - a mocking showcase for humanity, a reminder of the loss suffered on that fateful day.

Yet, today, for the first time in five long years, Eren got to see Wall Maria before its destruction. It looked powerful and nostalgic.

Nostalgia wasn’t only directed towards the material world, but also his family; his mother, father and Mikasa – his whole family, alive and well. He ached. It was hard to fight the urge to turn around and just run in the direction of his house.

He swallowed tightly, his fingers instinctively going up towards his neckline, half expecting there to be the golden key hanging from his neck as usual, only to come up empty. Of course, the events of that day hadn’t happened in this timeline yet. Things weren’t lost yet. He could still change it all; save both his family and humanity from the despair it felt on that day.

He would start with the basement, he decided. Even without the key, he could make his way in somehow. With Levi’s help he knew he could.

He approached Levi on the horse, and told him of his plan about coming back to this town after the expedition. Levi considered him, asking, “Why?” to which Eren only vaguely said that there was something he had to do. Levi agreed, supporting him without probing too deep, something Eren realized was quite common in their relationship. He was probably not aware what a heavy burden he lifted off Eren’s shoulders by simply behaving this way.

“Open the gate!” Keith Shadis’ voice echoed through the crowd, announcing the beginning of their journey. Immediately cheers of the soldiers followed, their blades pointed upwards like a symbol of freedom they all have been fighting for.

“We will now begin the 23rd expedition beyond the walls! Forward, everyone!”

The horses neighed as the soldiers advanced past the walls.

 

***

 

The first breeze of air was strong enough to flutter Eren’s loose locks.

He breathed in the fresh air and immediately prepared his body for the upcoming battle.

He was excited. A part of him, a wild one, belonging to his titan, always seemed to crave the thrill of the kill. As a soldier he could use that energy for good - being responsible for the deaths of the monsters that preyed on humans. As a titan - he could satisfy his inner hunger.

He was a monster, but also humanity’s ally.

Each time he left the safety of the walls, he carried that perception with him.

He was pleased to note that Isabel seemed just as affected by the new sights; the interminable fields of grass, the sky and the clouds, flowing with the speed of wind. It was a lot to take in. Even Levi had his head thrown back, gazing towards the sky. When the gray orbs drifted to Eren’s and his smile transformed into a soft one, Eren melted completely. His cheeks burned, forcing him to avert his eyes and focus on the road, with Levi’s laughter ringing in his ears.

“Titan sighted!”

The trio stiffened, when suddenly a 15-metre class titan emerged in all its naked glory, followed by two more 10-metre class titans, coming from behind. It was impossible to outrun them from this distance, so the battle was imminent. A few soldiers took off after the 15-meter titan with their 3D Maneuver Gear. It wasn’t until he was being scolded, that Eren realized he had taken out the flare to shoot the red signal. Out of habit. He had to pretend he didn’t see Levi’s inquiring looks.

The first soldier died. Or was close to death the last they saw him, before they were instructed to move forward without looking back. Eren’s thumb itched from the urge to go back and help, but he restrained himself. His life was ironic like that. Having the power to do something and not doing it.

“They’re here!”

His attention was suddenly brought back by Isabel’s warning. The pair of 10-metre titans sighted before were steadily gaining on them. Too close to get away from, despite Flagon’s orders.

Levi charged in first. Ignoring their superior’s protests, he maneuvered around the two titans, shooting the grapple towards the tree situated in between them and propelled himself forward. “Levi!” Eren yelled out on instinct, realizing his worry had to be irrational as Levi wouldn’t make reckless moves; he wouldn’t put himself in a situation without being sure he could handle it. First titan or not.

Taking hold of the reins, Eren turned towards Isabel and urged his horse to go after the second titan, the one currently not being sliced open by Levi. “Let’s do this, Isabel!”

It seemed almost like a race, which Eren honorably lost. Upon reaching the titan with crooked teeth, Isabel moved into a position to aim her blades for the giant's nape. She almost had it, when suddenly plump fingers grabbed hold of her and started squeezing, leaving the girl gasping for air.

Levi noticed her predicament almost immediately, ready to charge after the crooked-teeth titan at once. But Eren was closer, so he urged the horse forward, yelling out,

“Cut yourself out, Isabel!”

It seemed to be enough to prompt the girl into action, as she sliced against the digits, successfully freeing herself. She called out for him, retreating, as she allowed Eren to take charge and launch himself towards the back of the titan’s neck. It clumsily swatted at Eren, making it difficult to get close, so Eren instructed Isabel to aim for the tendons. As soon as the titan wobbled, Eren took his chance and sliced its nape right off.

“Yahoo!” Isabel was cheering from the ground as the result of their teamwork fell down into a smoky mess. “See that, Aniki! Me and Eren took out a titan!” she proudly announced to an approaching Levi. The surprised look was almost insulting, if it wasn’t also so comical and ego stroking. The man was honestly impressed by their skills and Eren could see some tension leave his shoulders.

“Yeah…  You guys did well.”

The uplifting mood disappeared with the arrival of Erwin Smith. He didn’t talk much, but the few comments he left for Levi to hear seemed to be enough to put the man on edge.

It only seemed to go downhill from there. The rain, while predicted, came in higher capacity than was anticipated, and it was hard to see farther than the distance of two horses.

“We should stick close,” Eren said, his eyes and ears being alert of the surrounding area. “With this heavy rain we might miss a titan before it gets too close.” As he got affirmative from Isabel, he expected the same from Levi. Instead, the man took him off guard, announcing his intentions to go after Erwin.

“I will use the rain as cover to get close to him.”

“Eh?” It was so sudden and random that it took Eren a moment to process the words. “Levi, you can’t-“

“Eren, you said you’d follow me, regardless of my choice.  _This_ is my choice,” his voice took a darker shade, deeper than Eren had ever heard. He realized then. Levi was  _serious._ He was ready to go through with it. “Erwin Smith cannot be allowed to live.”

Then he took off. Before Eren could protest more, because he would have, he gave a quick look behind his back, and was gone.

Just thinking about it made Eren’s blood boil. They had been through this. They had  _agreed._ And yet Levi managed to go back on his word, while throwing Eren’s words right back at him. He couldn’t imagine what Erwin could have possibly said to evoke such a reaction out of him.

“Go, Eren.”

“Eh?” Eren startled, his eyes blinking at Isabel in confusion. The girl had her eyes downcast, her tiny hands holding onto the reins tightly.

“To be honest, I don’t fully agree with Levi-bro either. I just wanted to save Jan, you know? And while I do think Erwin Smith is a bully, he also gave us this; a chance to run through the wilderness. I don’t want to go back there, Eren. Not after seeing how big the sky is.”

“Isabel…”

“You’re the only one who can stop Levi-bro. Go, Eren!”

It might be a bad idea. There was no guarantee that Eren could change Levi’s mind. He hadn’t so far. But he also couldn’t ignore the spark in Isabel’s eyes, the way her eyes shone at the mere mention of flying. He would try for her, he decided. For the future the three of them envisioned.

With a firm nod, Eren pulled on the reins. “Stay in the formation! Southwest should be the fastest route. I will be back with Levi soon!”

He left with a smile on his face, Isabel’s vigorous waving sending him off.

He searched. Going in the direction the duo had last seen Levi disappear to, Eren held hope that he would be able to reach him in time. It scared him to think how the world would change with Erwin dead. But as his path continued, he never saw even a glimpse of the man. It was inevitable; when he stumbled back into the formation, a soldier in charge of the flank approached him.

He squirmed, not wanting to answer awkward questions about him being way out of his position. “Get back to your flank,” they said, a disapproving frown on their face. “Just avoid the Southwest. That’s where the titans are coming from.”

Eren’s heart seemed to stop, dread filling his core.  _Southwest_. It was the direction Eren suggested for Isabel to go through.

Ignoring the soldier’s warning, he took off.

Visibility was poor due to the rain and Eren hoped he wouldn’t accidentally miss Isabel as he continued urging the horse to run faster.

He spotted the titan first.

He contemplated going back before the monster took notice of him, but as he was turning, he got a glimpse of familiar red hair between the titan’s fingers. Fear and worry gripped his core and the only consolation was the fact that she didn’t seem crushed yet, and, although only her head was visible, her eyes were open. His thumb itched. It would be over faster with him in his titan form, but he wasn’t sure he could risk it. With a shaking head, he dismissed the idea. He wasn’t ready to face the fear in their eyes, after they learned Eren’s true nature. With a beating heart, Eren took off into the air, his blades ready.

“Let go of Isabel, you bastard!” He swung the sword close to the titan’s nape but only managed to cut a few strands of hair. It caught the titan’s attention, though. Big, crimson red eyes drifted sideways, regarding Eren with interest. He spun into the air, evading the titan snapping its jaw at him, before lunging again. He danced around it for a while, never quite gaining a good angle. As he made a wide loop around the titan, thinking about immobilizing it first, the wires suddenly got twisted. He fired a new one, but it landed in the titan’s palm. With blinding speed he was being pulled towards its jaw and Eren had a split second to think to thrust the blade between its teeth before the titan devoured him. They were in a stalemate. As Eren felt blood rushing down his arm, his eyes gazed down. “Isabel, don’t worry, I-”

Cold shivers ran down his spine as his eyes took in the sight. He watched blood trail below Isabel’s head and, distracted, he hadn’t noticed that the blade between the titan’s teeth snapped, splitting in two. He almost didn’t feel it, the way his arm got separated from his body. He could only vaguely hear it landing on the ground below them through the ringing in his ears.

He thought he was saving Isabel. Throughout his fight with the titan he thought he would be able to rescue her and then together they would join Levi, take the document from Erwin and leave. He thought he was doing all this because of a short glimpse he caught - Isabel’s open eyes.

Now he realized that he hadn’t actually seen Isabel blink. He couldn’t have. Because the body being held in the hands of the titan was no longer attached to the head.

His world went dark. He let the burning pain in his chest fuel the uncontrollable rage he felt in that moment, letting it consume his thoughts and then, finally, felt his bones snapping  and stretching as he transformed. He went for the titan’s neck, immobilizing it and ripping the flesh free. It staggered once, twice, and seemingly tripped on its own two feet, landing with a heavy thud. Eren didn’t wait to tackle the titan, using its disorientation to grab hold of the titan’s arm and twisting it harshly enough to pop it out of its socket.

He lunged for the body before it could fall on the ground, carefully clutching the dismembered parts of Isabel to his chest. As the titan underneath him tried to find back its leverage, Eren plunged his nails into its face and by sheer will power alone, ripped the head off; just like it did to Isabel, he ripped it right out of its bloodied neck.

Watching the titan slowly evaporate in the air angered Eren. It felt like its existence was being erased while Eren was still ready to go, wanting to make it suffer. He almost let thoughts of revenge consume him before his own fingers twitched and he realized what he was still holding.

He almost didn’t dare to look down. His mind kept him in denial; wishing and begging for it be only a cruel nightmare and not the reality he would be forced to live in.  How stupid of him. It was painfully clear what he had seen, even with a glimpse alone. And as he unclenched his palm, he saw the horror of what happened up close. Isabel almost didn’t have a limb intact, each separate from one another. He wondered, then, whether the titan started tearing her apart from the head or picked each limb first, finishing with the head last. What if she was still alive, until the very end, when her life support was severed? He couldn’t help the whine that escaped his giant titan form. Followed by another and another until he outright growled into the rain.

He had been too late.

If only he hadn’t hesitated in transforming. No, even before that. If only he hadn’t hidden his real abilities. If only he had been more brave… He could have only told Levi and Isabel, foregoing everyone else. Others didn’t need to know. Just these two would have been enough to have a strategic battle advantage in case of emergency. In the end, being hated or not didn’t even matter. Not if the price to pay was the lives he held dear.

But it was too late now. He was made painfully aware of that as Isabel’s once vibrant green orbs stared at him lifelessly from the inside of his palm. No matter how much he wished he could fix this, he no longer could. He had the chance. He had  _one_ chance. And he blew it. He failed his squad, once again, and there was nothing left he could do for anyone; neither for Isabel, nor himself.

Those dreaded words came to haunt him just as he feared.

_Believe in us._

He should have never asked for the impossible.

He lost time. He could hardly tell how long he sat there in the mud, surrounded by bodies of the soldiers and new friends he just barely started getting to know. His whole body shook as tears kept descending down his bony cheeks. He wanted to go back. Oh, how he wanted to go back to before he let it get over his head that he was even remotely equipped to protect them. He already failed Isabel. In doing so, he also failed Levi.

In the distance he could hear the sound of hooves steadily approaching him. And somehow, in that moment, he knew, that the one to emerge out of the fog would be Levi. He watched him pull the reins in, stopping the horse, and take in the damage; mauled bodies and severed limbs scattered everywhere – all of that painted in the mixture of mud and blood.

He didn’t know where to start. Where he was even supposed to begin explaining? With Isabel’s body cooling in his palm, he was afraid to face Levi’s reaction. It was his fault, after all. And Levi would ultimately see it too. A selfish part of him wanted to be forgiven, for he too lost a dear friend, even if his own affections couldn’t compare to the depths of Levi’s. Her loss still felt painfully unreal to him and he only wished he could share this pain with someone.

He almost opened his mouth, ready to call out the raven’s name, when their eyes connected and Eren could see the immediate change in them. Levi’s whole posture went stiff and in a matter of seconds he took out his two blades, leaping into the air towards Eren. Towards Eren with those same blades turned against him, who was sitting among the carnage in his titan form. Green orbs widened, as the brunet realized his mistake, but by then it was already too late.

He barely managed to stagger on his two feet, holding out his one hand, in what he hoped looked like surrender, before Levi cut into the said palm. Eren recoiled, feeling his lost fingers trying to stitch back up. Levi attacked again. This time Eren felt him coming from behind and Eren could only try blocking it with one arm while being conscious of the body still being held in his other hand.

That was when Levi seemed to stop mid-air, his eyes wide with horror and it only took Eren a moment to realize where he had been staring at. Eren’s palm.

It was the moment Levi realized Isabel was dead.

Levi wasn’t supposed to find out this way. Eren tried to speak again, forgetting himself,  and explain the situation, but his hand gestures only managed to assist in twisting Levi’s hooks. He watched Levi leap back, do a low loop in order to straighten them out, when his foot landed on a rain-soaked body and he slipped, coming down hard on his forearms.

Then he just froze.

Instead of picking himself up from the cold, wet ground, Levi just sat there, staring ahead with a horrified look Eren had only ever seen on his pale face once before. He stayed like that, seemingly uncaring for his own safety, before his fingers finally moved an inch, slowly reaching out until eventually gripping what they were going for - the red string, attached to a severed limb. Eren's throat made a sound on its own, a garbled whine, which he tried to catch before it alerted the other man but by then it was already too late. Levi was gone from his sight.

The first cut came out of nowhere, right at his side. Another aimed at his hand a split second later, several quick slashes after that until Eren felt his palm open up. All the parts of Isabel's body fell down, except for the head, for which Levi plunged down and then gently placed by Eren's severed limb on the ground, like a testament of them both being gone.

His eyes were obscured by the rain-soaked hair that fell around his face, so Eren couldn’t see his eyes change, couldn’t see Levi gaining the spark he needed to lunge at Eren with a force intended to destroy him until nothing but a splotch of red was left, and afterwards, not even that. He couldn’t see it, but he felt it. He felt Levi’s strikes. He felt the despair in each slice; how careless and imprecise his cuts were. He was simply cutting for the sake of cutting. It wasn’t meant to be a quick death. It was a statement of wanting to make someone suffer. Badly. And Eren couldn’t help feeling like it was what he rightfully deserved.

He almost felt envious of Levi, for having a face of a monster to blame it all for, while Eren’s monsters were all dead, together with the cooling bodies of their friends. First it was his squad - Eld, Oluo, Gunther, Petra... now Isabel. He just kept failing them. One after another. He let them all die because of the choices he had made.

Isabel died because Eren decided he had the right to mess with time itself. Wishing to stay with Levi on this side… it was a joke. What was he even planning to do? Hiding his identity from his family while trying to avoid his own younger self, robbing humanity of a soldier worth hundreds. How many people would have died because of that? It was like he didn’t even care about his selfishness.

There was no meaning in his life here.

He knew even if he died right there, by Levi’s hand, his death wouldn’t change anything. It wouldn’t bring Isabel back, it wouldn’t erase the hurt he caused Levi. So the only thing he could now possibly do is to go back to the Memory Titan and try to find a way to reverse the timeline before it got too messed up. Perhaps if he succeeded in erasing his own existence from this world, he could achieve that. He could only hope that it wasn’t too late, that he hadn’t interfered too much already.

His titan was nearly half-way cut open; there was blood and steam everywhere, and Eren used them, together with the heavy rain, to hide his presence while he slid out of the titan’s nape. He didn’t risk glancing at Levi.

He just couldn’t.

He didn’t make it far, though. As soon as a wounded cry tore through his whole body, his feet locked, unable to take him further. It kept going and going, that shrilling sound, raw and uneven, piercing even through the heavy downpour. He wanted it to stop. He wanted to  _make_ it stop. If he rushed back now and fell to his knees, he could still tell Levi that it was going to be okay, tell him that he was not leaving him all alone. Yet he didn’t move. He just kept standing and listening to the sounds of anguish of the one he loved, leaving him with a cold, aching feeling in his heart.

He used to wish to hear those words spoken to him by someone special... someone that was not family, but a separate person, a lover of his own. At one point that person got a face and a name.  _Levi._ He imagined him being stubborn about it, not giving in until Eren pushed him a few extra times. But then he would still say it - softly, with a hint of crass comment to hide his own embarrassment. Eren imagined it more than once.  In more ways than one. But not like this…. This was never the way how he wanted to learn it.

He didn’t think he even deserved it.

His legs were shaky as he stumbled his way further, hoping to find a horse nearby or he would take too much time getting there. It was hard to see. The rain wasn’t letting up no matter how long he walked. He wasn’t even sure whether he was going in the right direction, going by instinct alone. But something was urging him closer and he could only hope it was what he was looking for.

He didn’t remember how long it took but by the time he finally reached the clearing he was once again missing an arm and bleeding profusely. The titans refused to leave him alone no matter where he went, causing him to transform for the second time that day and run the rest of the way.

He found the tree looking exactly the same as he remembered. The previously felt intimidation towards the titan wasn’t present in Eren now, as he took the remaining steps towards it, palms slamming against its bark with force.

“Reverse it,” Eren demanded, willing his energy to force it into submission. “Reverse the timeline to before I stepped foot in the Underground, before I ever met Levi. Erase me and bring Isabel back, you stupid tree!”

He yelled out in frustration.

No matter how much he scratched at it or pounded into it, the tree seemed unresponsive. As a last ditch effort, Eren dug his nails in, tearing pieces of fiber one after another until he finally reached the titan’s most vulnerable part - the hidden twin orbs. He swallowed, preparing himself for what’s to come, and then grabbed hold of the hard edges of the shell, harshly separating them.

He ripped them apart. The shell was all but gone as the two orbs blinked and focused on Eren’s form. A moment after, they connected to Eren’s very soul.

It was that invasive feeling again. It felt like something was forcing its way into Eren’s mind and it was agonizingly painful. He grunted, willing the titan to listen to his demands but to no avail. It probed further until Eren’s vision cleared.

Surprisingly, he knew it wasn’t the outside world he was seeing. Something inside him opened up and he was seeing  _through_ the human’s perception of sight. He saw further than the present day, further than this one reality itself and then his mind was being attacked with flashes of Levi, Underground, Isabel - a mixture of imagines, yet none clear enough to decipher. And, finally, he saw today.

As Eren watched Levi find their bodies, he screamed for the titan to stop. He didn’t want to see it. He didn’t want to see Levi finding the bodies of his friends; severed and abandoned. Yet, the more he struggled, the more the pain behind his eyes continued to grow, to the point of making him collapse on his hands and knees.

He was shaking by the time the images left his mind.

When he felt the familiar pull, drawing him further away from the reality, his instincts kicked in and he tried struggling against it. Only he wasn’t strong enough to fight against the all-consuming darkness. He left this world with Levi’s name on his lips and a heart full of regrets.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *The author has gone into hiding*


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You have been wonderful. I'm so happy to have you, everyone. Many hugs coming your way. But not fluff...let's be real. It's not the fluff's time....

 

The first sensation he recovered was touch – he felt warmth surrounding his left hand, another person’s fingers gripping his tightly. The feeling was familiar, safe, meaning to put him at ease, and although Eren realized he wouldn’t see the person he most wanted to, he dared to take a peak; his heart sank at the sight of Mikasa’s worried face.

“Eren! How are you feeling?”

His throat felt uncomfortable and dry, like it hadn’t been used for weeks, so his first attempts at speech were a failure. He gurgled the undecipherable words, making his own ears bleed from the sound it made, before someone actually passed him a glass of water. He downed it in a few seconds flat, not having realized just how thirsty he actually was until the liquid touched his mouth.

“Thanks,” he managed to say, his voice still a scratchy whisper, but undeniably clearer. He could feel Mikasa sag in relief, her trembling fingers putting an extra pressure against his skin.

“I’ve been so worried…”

Eren felt awkward, not knowing how he should respond because now that he thought about it, he wasn’t thinking about Mikasa all that much. His thoughts were too preoccupied by another person. A mere thought about _him_ sent Eren’s eye ducts to mist, wavering close to producing real tears. Thankfully, before he was forced to respond, another loud voice squealed and rushed to his side, clutching his body in a forceful grip.

“EREEEN! I was so worried about you! When you crystalised like that after connecting your eyes with the Memory Titan we didn’t know how we were ever going to reverse it. Thank God you’re back to normal.”

Eren was surprised to learn his body actually stayed here, albeit in a crystalized form, while his…soul, was it, travelled to another place. Though, as he was now, he couldn’t say he wanted to involve himself in such a debate. If anything, he wanted to quickly forget the whole thing even happened. He was too numb to feel.

“Eren, how are you feeling? You think you can move?” Hanji asked, their hands gripping his shoulders as they shook him. He could see Mikasa trying to swat them away, to give Eren space. His eyes wandered to the other side of the room, past Hanji’s shoulder, and he froze, cold sweat running down his spine.

 _He_ was here. Leaning against the wall, with hands crossed around his middle, Levi stood with a dull look in his eyes, watching Eren. Time seemed to freeze for Eren as his hearing left him and the only thing he could see or be aware of was Levi. His heart started to beat faster as the man’s eyes narrowed at seeing him notice his presence.

“Le-“ With a clogged throat he tried to make his mouth work, but was cut off by Levi’s abrupt words.

“What the fuck were you thinking?”

Eren’s heart sank. It wasn’t even the tone or the words that shook him from what seemed his core, but the way Levi’s eyes didn’t even seem to flicker at the sight of him. It was like he didn’t even regard Eren as anything worth his time. Eren had to remind himself that it had been years for Levi and while Eren was away, spending his time with Isabel and Levi, falling in love, Levi was living in this time, alone, hating Eren for everything he did. It hurt to think that, but it was the only explanation for Levi’s aloofness.

“I’m…sorry,” he choked out, his eyes darting down towards the sheets. It was over. It was all over. He was back to the present and now had to face the consequences of his selfish behavior. It was what he wanted after all. He shouldn’t be so surprised. And he had no right to be disappointed.

“You should be fucking sorry.” Levi’s harsh tone rang into Eren’s ears as the man spoke.

“Because of your little stunt, we lost a month’s worth of expedition time, wasting it on looking after your sleeping ass. Now that you’re awake, I’m going to work you so hard you won’t have time to take a shit,” he said, his voice nearing and becoming clearer to Eren’s ears. He then realized that Levi was walking towards his bed while speaking and it was starting to get harder to breathe.

He stopped a breath away from where Eren was sitting and he could feel the man throwing daggers at him, daring him to look up into those fiery eyes. Eren couldn’t. He was too scared to face everything those eyes could possibly hold, and even more, everything they didn’t – like love for Eren.

“Answer me, you shithead.”

He looked up, watching Levi through the cloud his eyes had produced, and let his heart break. _There was nothing_. The subtly hidden warmth he was becoming accustomed to seeing or the fiery passion when he was trying to hide his worry – both were gone from Levi’s eyes. They no longer held any affection for Eren. Before him stood Captain Levi, his commanding officer, someone Eren had no right to hold in his arms ever again.

“I understand…sir.”

The man grunted, that being the only indication he accepted Eren’s response, before Hanji, feeling the awkward atmosphere between the two, jumped in.

“Hey, Eren. What did you see, when you were sleeping crystalised?”

He didn’t mean to, but his eyes found Levi’s again. As his mind was once again attacked by the memories of the deaths he both caused and witnessed, his eyes sought Levi’s. But Levi wasn’t watching him with contempt as Eren expected him to. Instead, he was being indifferent, one eyebrow raised, like waiting for Eren to answer a question they both already knew. Right? It was impossible, after all, for Levi not to be aware of what had transpired that day. That was also the explanation for his behavior.

He tried it out, carefully, his eyes never leaving Levi’s. “… A nightmare.”

They didn’t waver. Even as Eren spoke the words, Levi continued to stare at him impassively, his eyes narrowing only a slightly bit, like he was curious. Which was impossible, because Levi had to know. He had to. Eren looked the same as he did back then. Six years wasn’t enough to erase all that. He felt a headache coming up, his hands clutching the right side of his temple as he took in the impossible truth – Levi didn’t recognize him.

“Ahh, Eren must be still out of it since he just woke up,” Hanji said, fussing over Eren, who still held his head in his one hand, another making a hole in the sheets from the sheer force he was holding onto them. “Why don’t we come back later and you can take a rest for now,” they suggested, Levi scoffing by their side.

“He was resting for a whole month already. Any more and his ass will go flat.”

“Well, it seems it wasn’t a pleasant rest anyway,” they argued. “Don’t be so hard on him, Levi.”

“Don’t even start, shitty four-eyes. We wouldn’t even be in this situation right now if it weren’t for you disobeying my orders to wander in the woods and then come back with nothing but a crystalised brat. It was your fucking idea from the start.”

Eren flinched at the harsh tone while Hanji continued on, unperturbed.

“We don’t know that yet. If you let me examine Eren-“

“Hanji,” Levi interrupted, his voice lowering into one of authority. “You’re forbidden from interacting with Eren from now on, unless supervised by me.”

“Ehh!? But what about my experiments regarding the Memory Titan? I need data!” they cried out in distress.

“They are finished. And if I find you repeating anything of the sort ever again, then _you_ will be finished also.”

His ears were ringing. Even as Levi left the room with a loud sound echoing throughout the room from the force he slammed the doors shut, his hearing didn’t return. Mikasa was by his side, her hands going all over his form, trying to find and erase the thing that was hurting Eren, but she couldn’t possibly extinguish the fire Eren felt in his chest.

Levi didn’t remember him. And Eren didn’t know what to do with that.

 

***

 

He wanted to refuse. He was prepared to do any and all experiments for Hanji as long as they didn’t involve him intentionally trying to crystalise his body. It had become like some sort of repulsive reaction, every time he tried to think about hardening his body, his mind would bring him back to the time of when he woke up after thirty days of sleep, back in the present, and then he would see Levi’s eyes, staring at him with a look of indifference, and he would fail. Thus, he had never managed to succeed in keeping his hardened titan body from disintegrating at the moment of their separation.

Sometimes, he would fail in self-healing also. Those times, Hanji would bring them to the mess hall, where they would try to get over all the data they possessed, thinking of the possible causes. Eren had an idea but he never voiced it out. Not with Levi constantly watching him with distrust in his eyes and a pointed glare at Eren’s bloodied bandages.

Eren clenched his fists harder as he tried to stop himself from being instinctively aware of Levi’s every move. His mind wandered, an occurrence that was becoming common to him, before Hanji’s voice registered in his mind. The topic seemed to have changed as they were already talking about a soldier, Hanji’s apprentice, who refused to go to work for days because of the trauma they had experienced _._

Levi went silent, fingers stilling against his cup of tea. The distant feeling in his eyes seemed familiar to Eren and he felt his heart pick up the speed as the man spoke in a reserved voice. “They have a duty to complete before personal affairs.”

“And what about regrets? After serving for humanity, they deserve to at least leave the world with as little of them as possible.” At Levi’s thoughtful silence, Hanji continued gently, “Surely, if you could have an extra day with your beloved, even if it is the last one, you would take it, right?”

Eren thought his heart would fly out of his ribcage as he sat there frozen in silence, waiting. He thought about running out, leaving before he could actually hear Levi speak about the events now painfully familiar to him, but something in him was holding him back. That selfish part of him. The part which always desired to connect with Levi in any way, even if by such disgraceful methods.

There was a heavy sigh coming from Levi, his shoulders slumping. “I don’t know. When knowing the inevitable, an extra day could become a cruel reminder of hopes and dreams that would never be granted. On this side of the wall, dreams are too dangerous for a man.”

“But-!” Hanji tried protesting, but Levi cut them off with a piercing look, a shade of pain hiding underneath his eyes, and Eren understood, even before the man spoke the words out. He understood what he did.

“No soldier can come out uncrippled after witnessing their loved ones being eaten by Titans,” Levi said. “We’re all ultimately too broken for dreams.”

He couldn’t hold it in anymore. Eren choked, his hand quickly flying towards his mouth in order to prevent him spilling his lunch on the table. Before he could be questioned by the occupants of the room, he ran towards the bathroom, feeling his insides churn unpleasantly while his clouded eyes stung from deep within.

Hearing Levi talk about his past like that would once have made Eren come to respect the man even more, for having gone all through that and surviving as the Humanity’s Strongest. Now, knowing the weight of those words on personal level, knowing that he was the source of Levi’s pain...he couldn’t handle the guilt that was eating him inside.

As soon as his knees hit the floor, he retched, streams of ugly tears flowing from his eye ducts. The pain of loss and guilt, while he knew couldn’t compare to the one he caused, still made his heart burn and ache _._

By the time he heard the knock on the door, he was already a sobbing mess. Any attempts of speech were a failure. His cries only increased and that probably what made the doors to swing open and the man to come to squat by his side. There was a short remark about the _disgusting mess_ Eren had made before a palm settled against the boy’s back, patting it in a steady rhythm.

It only made Eren cry harder.

If he had more shame in himself, he wouldn’t have let Levi worry about him like that. He didn’t deserve Levi consoling him. He didn’t deserve any of it. Humanity’s last hope - what a joke. He was a destroyer, a plague, taking away lives wherever he went. How many died because of him or the decisions he had made? How many lives got ruined because of his recklessness? His squad, Isabel, Levi… oh God, what he did to Levi…if only he wasn’t such a selfish bastard and actually left, when his time was up, or better yet, if only he avoided getting involved with Levi in the past then maybe now Isabel could still be flying through the skies enjoying freedom and Levi...wouldn’t have had to be left all alone. He’s the one who took Levi’s smile away from him. And he couldn’t forgive himself for it.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” he kept repeating in choked gasps, while Levi stayed silent by his side.

 

***

 

He pushed himself harder. Ever since that day when he broke down inside the bathroom, he took it upon himself to work harder than ever to make himself useful for humanity. It was the only way he could ever hope to repair at least a little bit of damage he caused.

He let his body change, focusing all his thoughts on leaving a hardened body behind –  he imagined it being something similar like the Memory Titan, or something equally as creepy. But after three transformations his body was starting to shut down.

He lost his senses. He couldn’t think for himself anymore and the only thing he was aware of was his skin burning off and the sheer need to lash out.

“Eren! Eren, calm….you have to….stop!”

Someone was calling, a distant voice Eren’s mind barely managed to register. He was so tired. He wished everyone would just let him be. As he felt a prickle against his hand, he swatted against it, his burning skin colliding with something solid. He wondered since when did bugs feel like that.

Then there were less voices and more prickling, from all sides of his body. And at one particular moment he felt like his skin was being torn apart from his body. Whoever was doing it must have been savage because it hurt so freaking much. He roared, or at least he felt his throat make some kind of protesting sound, but the tearing didn’t stop. It pulled and pulled until Eren felt naked and exhausted, without being able to lift a finger.

“…fuck, stop….fighting. Eren!”

The voice was trying to reach his ears again. It was closer. The hands gripping him felt firm and strong, a feeling painfully familiar to him. But he couldn’t see. Why he couldn’t see? A whine must have left his throat because the next moment he was being shushed. Then there was another pair of hands on him, as if he was being handed over. He didn’t want to be left in the care of the second pair of hands but nothing worked – neither his voice, nor his sight, so he succumbed to the darkness completely, finally allowing himself to escape the unbearable pain he was feeling.

 

***

 

The atmosphere in the mess hall was tense. It was like that these days whenever Eren joined them. He shut out everyone who tried talking to him, choosing to wallow in his own self-created guilt, and quicky the majority of people stopped pestering, giving him space or whatever. One never backed out, though. Even as he pointedly ignored her, spoon in hand, making swirls inside his soup, she kept leaning over his side, throwing questions.

“Eren, are you feeling better? Should I bring something warm to you?”

He grunted a reply, hoping she would stop.

“Eren?”

Of course she didn’t stop, forcing Eren to turn to glare at her. “Would you cut it out? I don’t need your help.”

“Oi, oi. If you’re in a pissy mood, that’s your problem.” Jean scowled at Eren, the disinterest in his eyes contradicting his words. “But don’t take it out on someone who is actually being considerate of your sorry ass.”

“Don’t fucking tell me how to talk with Mikasa, horse-face.”

Eren was already on his feet, towering above Jean with a dark look on his face. The other boy quickly joined him, fists clenching. It was always like that with the two of them; when the one was ready to fight, the other jumped in without question. Neither needed to ever excite the other, and this was no different. In fact, with Eren already being in a mood, he’d have loved to feel that horse’s face deform under his fists.

“I will, if you continue to disrespect her!” Jean hissed.

“It’s fine, Jean. Don’t get involved,” Mikasa said from her seated position by the table. Always calm and collected. It was getting on Eren’s nerves.

“It’s not fine, Mikasa-“ Jean argued.

“I _said_ it’s fine.”

“You should listen to the horse-face,” Eren told her, ignoring a shade of hurt passing down her features. “Put your concerns onto someone who is actually interested in listening.”

“You lost control, Eren. Whatever is wrong with you, you need to stop pushing yourself so hard.”

“You just don’t know when to stop, do you? I told you time and time again to stop babying me! I’m not your damn responsibility so can you leave me the hell alone!?”

He pushed the chair back, the sound of it scraping against the floor filling the deadly silent room. If he could feel embarrassment, he would have been ashamed for the way all eyes were cast towards him, judging him and taking pitying looks towards Mikasa, but he was past feeling shame. He was just so fucking angry. All the time. The feeling of wanting to tear into something didn’t leave him even at nights. The worst thing was that the one thing he truly wanted to tear into was himself. He wanted to end this cycle of pain and destruction he was causing but he knew he had to play out his role even if it killed him.

As he charged out of the mess hall, ignoring Mikasa’s pleas, his feet led him down the dark hallways, going past the windows. His feet halted when he spotted a figure sitting by the window, surrounded by darkness with only the moonlight illuminating his face. He was beautiful. Back then or right now, no matter his age or position, Levi always looked beautiful in Eren’s eyes. It was bittersweet, coming to terms with the fact that it was impossible for him to see Levi as anything but a man. He could never become just a Captain to him again.

And wasn’t that a tragedy.

Eren’s breath hitched as their eyes connected and for a moment he let himself believe that something flickered in them, just like before. Before it all went downhill.

He rushed out before he could let the idea grow and fester in his brain further, angry tears falling down his cheeks.

He entered his room in that state. Messy; runny nose, red, swollen eyes, painfully beating heart and a throat clogged with the need to release his frustration towards the sky.

He slumped on his bed, head in his hands, and resigned himself for another sleepless night. Then there was a knock on the doors and he found himself yelling out, “Go away!” He didn’t care for what reason he was wanted, he was allowed to have a day for himself. Tomorrow he would somehow make an effort in shutting his heart but today he just wanted everyone to leave him the hell alone.

No such luck. As if led by a sinister force, the person on the other side of the doors, pushed the barrier aside and stepped in despite Eren’s harsh protests.

It was Mikasa. Eren didn’t know if he wanted to laugh or yell further for her cruel persistence.

“I want to be alone, Mikasa,” he said in resignation, his heart growing cold when he felt the bed dip beside him. Go figure. She was never leaving him alone. The next second the same words left her mouth as confirmation. “I’m not leaving you, Eren.”

Eren huffed a breath, his whole weight slumping on his hands.

“Please talk to me,” she began, slowly, like it would make a difference at this point. “Something happened to you when you were crystalised. Tell me what.”

He thought about throwing her out one more time, but then realized that perhaps he did need to talk to someone about it. If only to prove to himself that it wouldn’t help.

“I... lost people very important to me.” He felt a hand land on his shoulder and he clutched his own in his lap, nails digging into his skin. “It was my responsibility to keep them safe and I failed. I failed all of them.”

“Eren…”

“What, Mikasa? What do you want me to say? Everyone keeps asking me what happened to me while I was sleeping in my crystalised form but nobody seems to think of a possibility that perhaps I wasn’t sleeping at all. Everyone seems to have forgotten the fact that Hanji-san kept saying how that thing could make _the mind travel_. Well, mine did. To the past, six years back. I met Levi and Isabel, a cute girl who only ever dreamed of being free to fly and then I let her die. I let her die, Mikasa, and I let Levi pick her broken body from the cold ground. And it all happened because I didn’t leave when I was supposed to. I thought I could stay there. I thought I could have it all there and that kind of thinking caused Isabel to lose her life. Is that what you wanted to hear? Did you want to hear how fucked up I was? Because I’m no hero. I’m nobody’s hope, I’m just a broken kid, who keeps hurting everyone, and I just…c-an’t…fuck.” He felt his own voice break at the end and he knew he had to stop talking. Hell, he should have stopped long ago, but as soon as he started, it was like a dam had opened and he threw everything up, exposing himself to the judgement of others as he sat barred from his soul.

He flinched, when Mikasa’s fingers clutched his shoulder tighter. He wished he could disappear. “Eren.” No. He didn’t want to talk about it anymore. She should just leave.

“Eren. Look at me.” When Eren still refused, she brought another hand against his trembling hands. Hers were shaking too, he noted. “Please.”

Slowly he put his hands down, preparing his heart for whatever he would be hearing next, but she surprised him by not speaking first. Instead, her hands wrapped Eren in a tight hug, stopping Eren’s breathing altogether before he found himself shaking and burying his face in the crook of her shoulder.

They stayed like that for a while, with Eren’s muffled sobs being the only sound in the room.

“Eren…I think, I remember you,” she suddenly said and Eren pushed himself away from her arms, looking at her with wide, disbelieving eyes.

“What? How?!”

Her eyes were downcast as she thought about it. “Your hair was longer. And you were older than the one standing beside me, but you were still you.” Eren felt his cheeks burn at the reminder of his failed attempt at stealth. “I didn’t know why there were two versions of you, but you were hiding, so I let you.”

He slumped, feeling a heavy sigh leaving his body. “What the hell, so you knew it was me all along.”

“Yes,” she agreed, then fell silent, her fingers picking up on the edge of her scarf. “Captain Levi was there too.”

Eren frowned, looking up at her in confusion, before he noticed her cheeks wearing a shade of pink. Oh. _Oh._ She knew. He gulped, feeling his palms start to sweat. “I love him, Mikasa,” he said and somehow it was freeing to finally admit to it. Mikasa didn’t comment but her eyes turned a tad sadder. Eren didn’t look at her anymore as he continued, “And it hurts so badly because I _can’t_ .” He took a shuddering breath in, wishing he could stop his heart from feeling like it was constantly on fire. “I know I’m not supposed to feel this way, I _know_ that, but it’s just…I don’t know what to do. How do I make this _stop_?”

“I don’t know…” she replied after a while of silence and Eren felt like crying all over again. He resisted, though, nodding in a resigned sort of acceptance. But Mikasa continued, “He’s the one who stopped your experiment.”

It was so random that Eren had to ask her to repeat the sentence again.

“After your third transformation, you looked…wrong, deformed, like the process was incomplete and you didn’t seem to recognize any of us. I just knew that you were in pain but it was Captain Levi who pushed Hanji-san away and pulled you out. I…hesitated. The same way I did when Annie took you. I’m sorry for always failing you.” She looked so small and vulnerable, so unlike herself, it was unsettling. Also, the things about Annie were news to him. He always thought Mikasa was the one who saved him.

“What are you talking about, Mikasa? You’re always the one saving me,” he protested, watching her bit her lip.

“No. Half the time it’s Captain Levi,” she said and her eyes didn’t waver, speaking of a truth Eren saw no point in hearing right now.

“Why are you telling me this..?”

“I don’t know. I don’t like him.”

“That doesn’t even make sense.”

He sighed, feeling a headache come up. It was not like it changed anything. If anything, it only put more pressure to his already complicated feelings. Why would Mikasa even think he needed to hear that? Fuck. He didn’t want to think about it. He felt her hand reach out for his again and this time he didn’t resist.

“Eren, I want you safe.”

“I know. I know,” he agreed, because he _knew,_ he just didn’t want the same for himself.

 

***

 

The first hit he almost didn’t feel. It was the second one which momentary kicked in his instincts to protest. He reigned those in, knowing the best was yet to come. It was hit after hit, and sometime on the twentieth or even further down the line, when he finally found himself lying flat on the ground with a split lip. It was then, when he felt like he got what he needed. A sense of satisfaction. A share of pain he deserved.

The guy kept hitting him, though.

He grimaced as a particularly hard hit landed below his eye, making him curse in protest. The guy laughed, a crazy psycho, lost in his own little world. It was mutually satisfying until Eren felt his frustration increase with every additional hit that was past their agreement. He didn’t plan to fight back but as the guy broke his tooth, his hands moved around the guy’s biceps of their own accord.

Their skin barely met before the guy was flying towards the other side of the room, grunting, and hunching over into a ball.

Eren blinked at the sight, uncomprehending, before he felt a shadow loom over his face. He forced to focus his sight through his blurry vision from the swollen eye, his breath catching when he was met with a pair of fiery gray orbs.

“Get out,” he ordered to the other guy without his eyes leaving Eren’s. The guy tried to protest, rightfully so, telling Levi that Eren was the one who started but he was quickly intimidated by the Captain and scurried off. Eren turned his face away from him, feeling bile settle in his throat.

He flinched at the feel of fingers gripping his chin, perhaps in order to assess the damage Eren had inflicted on himself, but all Eren could feel was his skin crawling at the contact of skin meeting skin. He slapped Levi’s hand away, a resonating sound echoing inside the empty room with only Eren’s harsh breathing making noise.

Levi sighed, as if he was expecting such a reaction from Eren. “Fine. I won’t touch you, so open your mouth. It’s bleeding all over the place.”

It only made Eren angrier. What right did he have to come in here, pretending he gave two fucks about Eren’s well-being? Not too long ago, he was the one who kicked the teeth out of Eren’s mouth. “You should just mind your own business,” he retorted with a glare.

Levi’s eyes narrowed. “What?”

Perhaps Eren should have stopped at that moment, but he felt a sick sense of satisfaction at rilling Levi up. He laughed bitterly. “If you want to punish me for talking rudely to my _superior_ ,” he said the word with contempt, “then go ahead. But I’m not taking the words back. Nobody asked you to step in. I wanted that guy to hit me. It was _me_ who asked him to!” he yelled out and pushed himself into a sitting position, breathing heavily.

Levi regarded him silently, ignoring Eren’s outburst completely and then calmly asked. “Why?”

Eren’s fists shook. He should at least resist hitting the man. So to prevent a disaster from happening, he slowly got up, still wobbly on his feet, but actually managed to right himself before he could collide with Levi. Or worse, lean on him for support.

“Forget it. Not like you’d understand it anyway,” he said while trying to move away, past Levi, away from this whole situation. Only Levi’s voice then seemed to change into one of anger and Eren was quickly propelled backwards by a hand on his shoulder.

“For how long are you planning to continue punishing yourself for something you’re not even responsible for?”

Eren blinked in disbelief, which soon turned to hot white rage. “How can you possibly know?” he asked in a high pitched voice, fingers balled into fists. “You have no idea what I did. If you knew, you wouldn’t be taking my side so carelessly like that!”

“I’m saying this _because_ I know,” Levi yelled back, stopping Eren’s breathing completely. “I know, because I was there with you, Eren. Six years ago in the Underground.”

 


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hold on to your hearts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can proudly say that this chapter has been practically co-written with my beta ObdurateSinner. It wouldn't be the same without you.
> 
>  
> 
> Also, have I told you guys recently how much I love you? Well, here is me saying that.

 

It felt like he was screaming. Probably. He wasn’t sure. He couldn’t hear a thing, his ears plugged from within, _the ringing_ , it kept the sounds from getting in. Perhaps that was for the best. He wasn’t sure he wanted to hear those awful, ugly sounds that kept coming out of him. He wasn’t even trying to keep them in.

His throat was sore, eyes too red, stinging, from all the tears he had already shed and was still continuing to do. He thought… For a moment he really thought he could have it - happiness. With Isabel, that small bundle of mischief and joy. He found himself caring for her in ways he hadn’t before; looking out for the girl, pampering her, being admired and loved by her. Yet her body laid cooling on the rained ground.

Where had he gone wrong? Was it today, in his choices, or way before, the day he allowed himself to care?

And the boy, the only person that made his heart beat so wildly, his _beloved_ … Why was he… No matter how much he tried to not think it, to not see it, it all just kept coming back to him, looking at him straight in the face - the red string, hanging loosely around the boy’s wrist, a body part that was no longer attached to the boy. And the blood… All of it, around him. Was he actually sitting in the river of their blood, breathing through the air they no longer could inhale?

He just wanted it back. Gone. Never to have happened. Anything but the reality he was forced to live in. Away, away from the death. From the piles of bodies and their grieving families. Away from his own tears. He just wanted it to stop.

"...en!"

His eyes suddenly blinked open, the name on the tip of his lips disappearing from his mind just as quickly as it appeared. He breathed in, finding himself staring at the ceiling of his room. Back in the barracks. Right. Swallowing tightly around the lump in his throat, he brushed away the remnants of the dampness on his cheeks, and slowly sat up. His heart still beat irregularly. It always did when he awoke from dreams about that day from six years ago. He thought he was over it. After deciding to join Erwin, he truly believed he had buried those feelings right where he stood, together with their bodies. But sometimes at nights, in his dreams, those thoughts would resurface and he would be left like this; shaken and angry by his own inability to let go.    
  
He pushed his bangs out of his face, grimacing at the perspiration on his forehead and locks, telling he'd need a good cold washing to regain his balance.  

"Fucking shit," he muttered in his knees where he curled onto himself while tearing at his hair.

 

***

 

Though he wanted to stop himself, his thoughts kept coming back to the dream he had. His mind trying to catch the face of the boy he once lost. It was useless to wallow into the past. Nothing good would ever come of it, yet he knew that a part of him still refused to let go. As he stopped by the Commander’s office, his hand absentmindedly came to rest against his right wrist, wishing he could live his life as strongly as he pretended to be.

He was suddenly shocked out of his thoughts by Erwin’s voice, telling him to come in.

“Levi,” the Commander addressed him, then motioned for the Captain to come and join him. Shutting the door behind himself, Levi crossed the room, coming to sit by the table.

A couple of minutes passed, but Erwin hadn’t uttered a single word. He regarded the raven with that calculating curiosity that was so characteristic of him, a trait Levi was used to but one that irked him nonetheless, especially when directed at him personally. With an irritated sigh, Levi decided to break the silence first. “What is it?” he snapped.

The Commander tilted his head to the side, appearing thoughtful, innocent almost; as if he hadn’t planned this conversation word for word before summoning Levi to his office. “I’m just wondering what’s been bothering you.”

 _Shit, was he being so transparent?_ Levi clenched his jaw and scowled, averting his eyes. Leave it to Erwin to go and poke under his skin where he least wanted to be invaded. At the very least, he knew - or rather hoped - that Erwin would respect him enough to leave the matter be if he dismissed it. “Nothing for you to concern yourself with.” Schooling his expression into one of indifference, Levi crossed his arms and brought his eyes to meet Erwin’s again. “Now, what did you want to discuss with me?”

For a moment, Erwin held his gaze, pointedly staring at Levi as if considering the pros and cons of pushing the matter. Levi did not budge, holding Erwin’s gaze with a dull look of his own, the raven silently dared him to push. Luckily he didn’t, and as he spoke next, Levi noticed the intensity to have lessened considerably so. It was almost a relief.

“Two things, actually,” the Commander spoke. “One is that the government wants us to capture the Memory Titan and bring it to the lab for testing.”

Levi raised a brow. “They want us to capture a fucking tree?”

“Indeed.”

“Have you told Hanji yet? They’re going to be ecstatic about this shit.”

“No, I thought I would give _you_ the honors.” Erwin chuckled at Levi’s grimace.

Erwin had to be a special brand of sadist to thrust this upon Levi. While it came as no surprise, It didn’t mean Levi was okay with it by any means. At least it kept Erwin from poking at other matters. He should probably be fucking grateful.

“Fine, I’ll bite.” Levi closed his eyes as if  waiting for the bore of this meeting to pass. “What’s the second thing?”

“It’s regarding Eren.”

What a fucking surprise. It was always about Eren these days. The brat kept causing trouble left and right, more of a hindrance than any sort of consolation for humanity, yet for some reason Levi couldn't completely shake him off. The universe seemed to be hell bent on screwing with Levi's sanity these days; plaguing his mind with nightmares about those he lost at night, and forcing him to clean after everyone's (but mostly Eren's) messes by day. It was taking a toll on him. Not that he was planning to complain. He was handling it, or he thought he was, but seeing how Erwin already started fishing for information, perhaps he wasn't as successful as he thought.

Slowly, so that he didn’t appear too annoyed at this, Levi opened his eyes and raised a brow. “What about the kid?"

“Do you think he is in control of his Titan?”

Levi narrowed his eyes. “Why’re you asking me if you already made a decision on that?”

One corner of Erwin’s mouth lifted. “I want your personal opinion.”

Frowning, Levi took a moment to think about it. While the brat’s recent breakdown wouldn’t be giving him points for self-control, it could be the side effects from staying in a crystalized form for a month. Whatever happened there seemed to have really fucked the kid up. His recent shift nearly failed when Eren hesitated for too long in responding to Hanji’s exercises and swatted four-eyes, but the kid seemed to pull through in the end.

“He’s in a rough patch right now,” Levi settled on. “Give him a few days, there should be no problems with his shifting.”

“I see,” Erwin said thoughtfully, his hand rising towards his chin and awkwardly staying there in a fist to rest on. He appeared troubled.

“What do those pricks want from us?” Levi asked harshly, provoking a chuckle from Erwin, just for a second, before he abruptly sobered up.

“They want to use the next expedition to execute Eren. And if we don’t comply, they’re going to stop all the funding for the expeditions.”

For a moment Levi found himself… stopping; a short white silence passed through his mind as the words registered in his brain. It only took a second, but it was enough to inwardly disturb the raven. Eren. Something stirred inside him at the very mention of his demise, and that bothered him. He shouldn’t be able to get attached anymore. Not like that. Lives were a fleeting thing, a phase before the inevitably of death. So why was he feeling like shit at the mere mention of the brat losing his life? His teeth slid past each other before he refocused towards the Commander.

“That’s fucking ridiculous,” he hissed, feeling his own voice taking a darker turn. “If those shitheads on top only have potheads for brains then it’s their problem, but depriving humanity of its main ace card in reclaiming Wall Maria is insane.”

Erwin hummed in thought. “They think Eren has become too unstable and dangerous ever since his month-long crystallization.”

“I can control him.”

“Can you?”

" _Yes_ ,” Levi stressed the word, eyes narrowing. “Since when did you have any grounds to doubt me?”

Erwin nodded, eyeing Levi cautiously. He only stared, and while it irritated Levi at first, the man quickly realized that Erwin wasn't just staring, but was waiting. _Waiting for what_ , Levi wondered, but just as he was about to let his impatience show, it clicked. His eyes widened as he put two and two together.

“Wait, you’re not actually thinking about this, right?”

Erwin smiled, his eyes giving a faraway look. “Of course not. That would be rather insane.”

 

***

 

“FOR REAAAL!?”

Levi cursed Erwin for the nth time that day, as his ears bled from Hanji’s torturous squeals. Since hearing the news about gaining custody over the Memory Titan, Hanji had been squealing and gushing nonstop about the prospect of getting their hands on the thing. They were already nine steps ahead in the experiment planning, and only needed the official go-ahead. Now that they’d gotten it, Hanji couldn’t shut up about more experiments that could be performed on the thing. Levi was not looking forward to it, and vowed to get Hanji a helper of sorts; not to actually aid the mad scientist, but just to get them off his damn back.

Now, however, shutting Hanji’s mouth seemed like a challenge. He said the first thing that came to mind.

“The government wants to kill Eren.” Levi ignored Hanji’s freezing on the spot; a part of him was relieved that they had shut up, while another felt uneasy that the news was enough to shut Hanji up in the first place. He sipped his tea, feigning nonchalance. “I personally think it’s ridiculous, but this certainly puts us in a difficult position if we have to go to war for the sake of keeping the brat alive.”

“We should go to war then,” Hanji said, in a voice so sure and quiet that Levi almost thought he heard them wrong. Before he could ask, though, they were suddenly in his face, a crazed look on their face. Levi barely managed to put the cup down and save himself from being scalded.

“Fucking shit, are you insane?” he hissed. “Tch, don’t answer that, shitty-four-eyes. What the hell were you thinking? This tea is hot and if this spills on my crotch so help me, I will murder you.”

He was full on glaring at Hanji, but the scientist was undeterred. They grabbed a hold of Levi’s shoulders, causing the man to hiss a profanity as they brought their faces close together. Looking at Levi straight in the eyes with the look of a madman, Hanji said, “You can’t allow them to kill Eren, Levi. You can’t.”

Levi narrowed his eyes, feeling annoyed, more than anything, by being ordered by none other than Hanji. However, that annoyance also came from the sudden clenching in his chest at what they had said. The possibility, no, the _reality_ that the government really wanted to kill Eren. So, fuelled by that annoyance, Levi said, “Don’t fucking order me what to do. If the talks fall through, the brat will die. There’s nothing to be done.”

Die. Eren would die. Eren’s life now hinged on the success of these so-called talks. A fifteen year old with a hit on his head, issued by the highest authority. Sure, that brat was a titan-shifter, but the fact still remained, Eren was only fifteen. The thought of that left him deeply unsettled, but he forced himself to ignore that feeling.

Thinking Hanji would leave it at that, Levi put his hands on theirs to push them aside, but then their nails dug further into his skin. “Oi, shitty-four-eyes,” Levi said, voice low and dangerous, “keep your paws at bay or I’ll cut them off.”

“Levi, you’re not listening to me. _You_ can’t let them kill Eren. Not while knowing how much he means to you.”

 _Me?_ Levi thought. He scowled. The insinuation of his responsibility towards Eren, that he was responsible for Eren’s _life_ , was way out of line. Even though it had his heart thrumming wildly in his chest, he kept his expression schooled; with his face perfectly neutral, he pushed against Hanji and stood up. “Move aside.” Without giving the scientist time to respond, Levi made to exit, ready to march straight to Erwin’s office. He had barely taken a step when he heard Hanji’s voice behind him, desperate.

“Don’t you remember the name of the one you lost, Levi?”

Like suddenly becoming a still-life picture, Levi stopped. He stood still for a moment, not out of shock, but because a sudden weight settled in his stomach that felt heavy enough to have him sink through the earth. A moment passed before he turned towards Hanji, and he hated how much effort he had to put into just schooling his breathing. That weight in his gut seemed to be sending an unpleasant zing through his veins, almost like adrenaline, but more potent…like absolute dread.

“ _What_?” Levi said, voice nearly a breathless wheeze.

“His name, Levi. What was his name?”

They did _not_ just fucking ask him that. He didn’t take them for being suicidal, but then again he supposed anything was possible. Perhaps while nobody was looking, a titan snacked on a part of their brain, doing irreparable damage. Whatever it was that made the scientist mad, _this_ was crazy even for them. Levi’s life before he was made captain was a taboo subject, one that not even Erwin breached lightly. For Hanji to do it…they had to have a death wish.

"Have you gotten tired of living?" Levi asked in an eere whisper, then settled his eyes on the mad scientist. "Should I introduce you to the edges of my sword? Because I fucking will, if you don't stop this shit from coming out of your mouth-"

“His name,” Hanji interrupted, persisting despite the obvious threat of a slow and painful death in Levi’s eyes.

Yet despite his irritation, a deep feeling of discomfort swirled in his gut. That weight got heavier, and the dread got stronger. A foreign feeling of panic began to spread through his body, but Levi ignored it. He huffed a laugh, not knowing how to react to what he was feeling and what he was confronted with. In fact, he wanted to laugh hysterically, but he refrained from doing that. As if he’d become as insane as the scientist before him. 

So, feigning confidence, Levi opened his mouth, letting the words fall without thinking, “His name was Er-”

Breath left his lungs as his mind supplied the name. The only name his heart ever beat as fiercely for. Eren. _Eren_. It was Eren. The name of the one he lost was fucking Eren. His eyes widened then narrowed as he tried to contain the sudden burst of feelings he got overwhelmed with. Suddenly, the dread made sense.

“Shit.” He staggered, his hand finding purchase against the wooden surface of the table.

“I didn’t realize either you know,” Hanji spoke softly, this time sure Levi wouldn’t run off before hearing them out. “It was not until I really got into digging that I realized the Memory Titan was possibly capable of not only _memory alterations_ but also _soul travel._ It brought him back. To you and… Isabel.”

Levi felt his heart clench as he was forced to remember everything now accompanied with a face he saw every day. His eyes stung and there was a throbbing in his head, memories from years past bombarding him and forcing him to close his eyes and cover them with his palms in a futile attempt to hide from the overwhelming influx of information. “Fucking shit. What the hell is this?”

He was supposed to be free of feeling like his world was crumbling beneath his feet. He was supposed to be past feeling vulnerable and helpless to his core. He sure as hell was supposed to be past seeing his hands tremble with the unsteady beating of his own fucking heart. As he felt his legs start to give, he slumped in the nearest seat, feeling more exhausted than from a fight with several titans.

“What’re you going to do?” they asked, but Levi could only shake his head. He didn’t know. He had no fucking idea. The revelation, while changing everything, also changed nothing. It didn’t change the positions the two of them held; it only changed the feelings. Useless, stupid things that only got in the way in this line of work.

But as much as he wanted to pretend like nothing happened, from that day on, his eyes sought him out, eagerly trying to catch a glimpse of a slowly deteriorating boy he once loved. Eren was crumbling before his eyes and Levi did nothing but watch from the shadows, observing him with an excuse of a Captain. No wonder the boy lashed out at his misguided concern.

“Why are you not making a move yet?”

When Hanji had the galls to ask him that, Levi threw them a look full of disdain.

“He’s a fucking child.”

“He’s the same person you fell in love with. It’s not his fault you alone got old.”

“Thanks for your crappy insights, four-eyes.”

“I’m just saying-“ they argued.

”I know what you’re fucking saying, Hanji!”

Hanji sighed. “Does his age _really_ bother you that much?”

He tried to make himself say that yes, a fifteen year difference was reason enough to deter anyone from considering a relationship, but he knew better. Those kids, _young men_ and _women,_ they were soldiers. They saw shit most adults never did in their entire lives. If their minds were capable enough to digest that much cruelty, they surely had enough of a mind to make their own decisions about whom to fuck.

With a resigned sigh he spat the word out. “No.”

“Then what is the actual problem?”

The problem? What was _not_ the problem? For years, Levi was content with his life. He fought because he had a purpose to fulfil as humanity’s strongest soldier, and while he fought to preserve his own species, he never fought for something. Or someone. He never had anything to lose, he never had a reason to be scared on the battlefield. For years, his skill kept him alive and not his actual will to live. If he were to pursue something, anything, with _him_ , it would change the very way Levi fought. How the hell would he even begin to explain that to shitty-four-eyes?

A chuckle left his lips instead of words; it sounded sad, even to his own ears. He ran a harsh hand through his hair. “Shit.” He shook his head as he realized what Eren being alive truly meant for him. “Then this means that I, once again, have something to lose and I don’t know what the fuck I should do with it.”

“We’ll figure it out, Levi,” they said, a reassuring hand covering his shaking one.

He didn’t believe it for a second, but he agreed anyway. “…yeah.”

 

***

 

It was impossible. As soon as Levi finished retelling his side of the story, Eren was left shaking while standing on his own two feet. Levi was supposed to not remember Eren. It took him a while, but Eren realized that Levi not remembering him was actually a blessing. It was simply too complicated to burden him with something like hating his own subordinate, constantly restraining himself from ending Eren's miserable life while actively trying to pretend whatever past they shared didn't actually exist. It was simpler that way. Oblivion was always an easier road than hate, and truth be told, except for those very first seconds after waking up, Eren never actually thought he'd have to face Levi, the one he fell in love with in the Underground. The sudden confrontation sent him reeling.

The apology left his mouth before he even realized. Then another and another. He kept apologizing until he felt Levi’s smell reach his nostrils. He was close. Too close for Eren to keep his mind sane.

“What are you sorry for?” Levi asked then and in brunet’s mind it sounded harsh, like Eren should know better. As he felt the air shift, Eren half-expected to be hit, finally; a deserving outcome. His mind stopped thinking the moment he felt Levi’s arms come up around his middle, head buried against his shoulder.

Eren could only stand still, frozen in shock, wondering if it was a new sort of punishment, making Eren’s mind go crazy before going for the finishing blow. But Levi only huffed, seemingly exasperated by Eren’s behavior. “Hug me back, would you, you fucking shit,” he huffed, startling Eren by both the familiar tone the words were spoken in and the effect it still managed to have on Eren’s poor heart. He felt his eyes sting as he slowly put his arms around Levi’s back, carefully. When he felt no resistance but only Levi’s arm going up his back for a better hold, Eren finally gave in, clutching on the body with all his might. “Levi,” he whispered, gaining a hum in response. “Levi…. Levi…”

Later they were sitting with their backs against the cold wall, side by side. Eren forgot how many times he opened his mouth to apologize for failing Levi, but each time Levi said it w _as okay, it wasn’t his fault,_ Eren knew he didn’t believe it himself and apologized again.

“Did you you kill the one that did it?” Levi then asked, startling Eren out of his misery.

He swallowed tightly, remembering the thrill it gave him to tear its head off. “Yeah.”

Levi nodded. “Then that’s good enough.”

”How can you stay so calm about this? Even after everything that happened…”

”Because unlike you, I had six years to come to terms with the loss. Yours is still fresh.”

”And did you?” he asked, green orbs searching Levi’s but never actually gaining a response, and perhaps that was all the answer he needed. He felt the dark thoughts coming back to him full force. Repeating like a mantra. _His fault. His fault._ Then Levi spoke again.

“You were also dead.”

”What?”

”For six years, you were also dead to me,” Levi said and finally let Eren take a look at his gray orbs. They were shining. In the dimly lit hallway, surrounded by the walls in which their friends and soldiers resided in, Levi was crying. For him. Eren swallowed a lump in his throat, his hand coming quickly to cover Levi’s in his own. It shouldn’t make much of a difference but the familiar act made Levi smile; only one side of his mouth lifting, but nevertheless, a smile he hadn’t felt like allowing on his face for the span of those lonely six years.

Then Levi’s other hand came up to rest against their clasped ones and he slowly pushed Eren’s aside, making the boy’s heart sink before flipping around once more at the sight of Levi pushing back his shirt’s sleeve. There, on his right wrist, laid a familiar pair of red strings Eren thought he would never have an opportunity to see again.

As Levi untied one and took Eren’s hand in his, the boy found himself asking, his heart beating a million miles an hour, “What do you mean by this?” Levi didn’t answer as he rolled the string around Eren’s wrist. Neither did he answer as he tied the knots on the inside of his wrist. By the point he brought his lips towards the said knot, a reenacting of a time painfully similar to this one, Eren had stopped hoping to hear the answer, his heart already knowing it. But Levi surprised him once again. With a smile that burst a dam inside Eren’s chest, Levi brough their foreheads together and cast all Eren’s worries away with a single sentence.

“It means that I’m prepared to love you, stupid brat.”

 


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi takes a chance on love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this chapter may or may not be pushing the definition of M rating...but I think we're still safely in it, so no harm done, probably.

 

It was impossible to not see him. To not be aware of his presence. He would be going down the halls, making rounds after dinner, and then he would hear someone laugh; a sharp, high-pitched sound, and he would know it’s _him_. As soon as his feet would start luring him in towards the sound, he would hear a resonating pair of voices coming from the same direction and his feet would slow, then halt altogether.

The steadily rising frustration inside him felt foreign, yet the effect it had felt like an echo of the past long since forgotten. Levi no longer could walk past the room without his eyes involuntarily seeking to catch even a glimpse of the brat, nor could he stop his heart from giving a sharp tug each time their eyes would meet. He hid it well. Or at least he thought he did. Disguised as an annoyance with the incompetent young soldiers, he would bark out the orders, then glare Kirschtein into submission each time his hand lingered around the shoulders of the person he wished to touch daily, yet couldn’t.

It was like a dam had opened. All his suppressed feelings were trying to jump out of his skin in an impossibly short amount of time, only to leave him dizzy and wanting. He craved to be near the brat. As much as he tried to fight the feeling, he couldn’t stop his mind from wandering, his eyes from seeking or his heart from aching. Yet a part of him was still reluctant to take the final step, the initiative to bring their relationship back to how it was. Before.

While he was the one who gave Eren back the bracelet, that action alone wasn’t enough. He knew the brat was too scared, or still too self-pitying to actually make the first move. So it was left to Levi to act. He needed a push - a small excuse for his conscience to justify why he was unable to resist the charms of a fifteen year old while knowing fully how tragically it could end for them both.

The excuse came with the announcement of Commander Erwin Smith arriving for the briefing of the upcoming expedition. The unease for the battle and the short timeframe they had left were the signs that finally pushed Levi over the edge.

He didn’t remember what he told Kirschtein exactly. Whether it had something to do regarding Eren’s cleaning or training, the only thing he could think of as he waited for the brat to arrive with a pounding heart, was the prospect of finally getting to see him in private.

The abrupt knock on the door made him jolt. For a moment, he second-guessed what he was about to do, but then the thrill of what was yet to come won out; the prospect of kissing Eren, of holding and touching him, was enough to destroy all the doubt in his mind. He confidently, and a little over-excitedly, strode to the door and opened it with a lot more vigor than needed.

His fingers blindly grabbed hold of the olive green shirt, pulling the younger boy in with a strength that made him yelp and stagger over the threshold, Levi catching him just before he could land on the hard wooden floor. His whole body was vibrating with the thrill, the need, the unsated desire to _taste_ and _touch,_ and he soon found himself raising up on his own toes to close the distance between them. He hummed into the kiss, hands going around the brunet's neck to get closer, to feel more of their shared body heat which was unfortunately still mostly dampened by the clothes they wore. Levi wanted to tear into them - rough and fast - so that he could reach the tanned skin and mark it with his own mouth. A breathy sigh escaped him when he found himself unable to move, his body being held captive in a tight hold against a firm chest.

As their mouths moved against each other, lips and tongues dancing and teeth nipping eagerly, he felt a hand press against his back. The touch was light but sure, fingers fiddling with the hem of his shirt until they found their way up and under the fabric. He felt a push against his spine, causing his body to shake as his hips unconsciously moved forward, bringing their clothed arousals together. A hiss left through the miniscule gap between their lips, followed by a moan, and for a moment, Levi didn’t know which sound came from his lips and which from Eren’s. Not that he cared. He just wanted to devour the boy before him, claim what was denied to him for more than half a decade.

 Levi adjusted his hold against Eren’s neck, fingers reaching for the younger man’s nape. The brush of fingertips against that sensitive spot caused Eren to gasp, and Levi used the opportunity to deepen the kiss. That gasp morphed into a wanton moan as Levi pushed himself against Eren’s body with more force, needing the contact of every inch of Eren’s hot skin more than he needed air to breathe. The brunet was eager to comply, hands grabbing at all that they could to keep the smaller, stronger body against his own. Lost in desire, they ate of one another, but the more they consumed, the more they craved.

He was prepared to start working against the buttons of Eren’s shirt when he felt a subtle push against his shoulders. He ignored it at first, but then a second, stronger push came. That push ended their kiss, but by the way Eren's lips chased after Levi's retreating ones, it was clear that the boy did not want to separate. With face flushed and eyes half-lidded Eren was a beautiful sight to behold, but even while feeling his own cheeks burning, Levi managed to form a deep scowl, hoping it sent the point across.

It did.

Eren squirmed under Levi’s piercing glare, trying to talk through the teasing Levi was giving to his body; soft, tickling touches against the back of his overly sensitive neck. His eyes fluttered close, hot breath escaping his lips.

“Wha-t…” his voice caught, making Levi silently smirk at the caused effect, but the brat was anything if not stubborn, and after clearing his throat he was determined to get the words out. “What about cleaning? Jean said you wanted to see me regarding my shitty-done job.”

Levi gave him an unimpressed stare. “Don’t be so fucking slow.” Sighing, he hoped he wasn’t going to be expected to spell everything out. After all, some things were only desirable through spontaneity. But, judging by Eren’s clueless expression, Levi knew he had to spell _this_ thing out.

“I was obviously trying to get you alone.”

 He could see he took the brat off guard. Eren’s eyes widened before a shaky breath left him.

“Oh.”

Levi didn’t mind it much, as long as it now meant they were both on the same page.

He brought his hands up to thread his fingers through Eren's thick brown locks, pulling the boy's head down to the level where he could reach those glistening lips. His own wet lips hungrily attacked them, holding their kiss for an immeasurable moment as he just took in the taste of the boy that was finally his. This time the hands reached for his body faster, dug into his flesh deeper as their tongues danced together, leaving filthy sounds behind. Yet, he could still feel some of the reluctance present. He wanted to ignore it. He wanted to yell. Most of all he was so awfully frustrated that he pulled their lips apart in a fit of surging anger.

“If you’re backing out, do it now,” Levi said in a deep voice, an edge of it bitter and dark. “I’m not playing games with you.” He then made to shift his body backwards, away from the heat that Eren was emitting, and prepared his heart for rejection. The brunet didn’t let him to do any of that. Before Levi’s hands could fully retreat, he was quick to grab hold of them, and place a soft kiss against each digit.

 “I’m not. I want you,” he said with eyes burning with intensity only Levi was familiar with. He cursed how easily he was swayed, forcing himself to glare at the brunet despite the shivers running throughout his body.

“Then what is it?”

It was a sweet, shy smile that played on Eren’s cheeks that made it impossible to stay mad at him. He was as red as a boiled lobster, and if Levi wasn’t so annoyed at that moment, he would have found the brat adorable. Scratch that. He was weak for him anyway, even when he wished to throttle the boy and be done with it. “I mean…” Eren started, the green in his eyes barely visible through his dilated pupils. “N-now? We’re doing it…now?”

“When else? I’m not having a sore ass a day before the expedition,” Levi said offhandedly, missing the way Eren’s breath hitched at the words. “You heard what Erwin said. We’re leaving in two days.”

 This time Eren was the one to close the gap between them. He was tentative with the way his lips moved against Levi’s; nipping and sucking, then coming back for a casual brush. He knew Levi was purposely being difficult, refusing to assist Eren and only letting the brat do as he pleased, but he wanted him to be sure. He kept his eyes half-lidded, watching the flushing in Eren’s cheeks increase as he massaged Levi’s mouth with his own. When his eyes opened, Levi expected him to pull away, probably out of awkwardness at staring someone in the eyes while kissing, but it seemed like he was determined. He closed his lips around Levi’s lower one and pulled it with his teeth, eyes laughing at making Levi’s eyelashes momentary fall shut.

Finally losing his patience, Levi pushed forward, bodies sighing as he let himself cling to the person of his desires.

They continued making out by the entrance for a while, before Levi maneuvered them towards the bed. Hands and mouths never left each other, as Levi pushed against the toned chest, still being covered by the shirt, and made to straddle Eren.

He shook. His whole body did, so badly that Levi had to lean back and ask him, once more, if he was sure he wanted to proceed.

“I don’t know what I’m doing,” Eren confessed in a small and unsure voice, eyes dipping downwards. Levi used his finger to tilt his head up and brought their lips for a chaste peck, reassuring him with body contact, before speaking, “You never do. And I don’t expect you to.”

It didn’t seem to be the reassurance Eren was expecting, and Levi could only curse his own inability to be affirming in sensitive situations like these, so instead he decided to try and show him, instead of telling. After all, actions speak louder than words. He took Eren’s fingers in his and guided them towards the edge of his pants, while his lips traveled a path along his neck, whispering the words against heated skin.

“Touch me like you did before.”

Eren swallowed, his fingers flexing against the material under his fingers. It was like he was trying to suppress his desire to buck his hips into Levi’s, holding onto the man with vice force. Levi did it for him without hesitation. He gave a languid roll, making sure to catch their crotches together, reveling in the the sweet sound of a whine escaping Eren’s throat. “B-But that’s not-” he tried protesting, once again, overthinking instead of acting, something that shouldn’t even be a trait visible in the brunet. Levi found his lips before he could trip on his own words, swiping them with his tongue, and after successfully making the desired mouth open in a shuddering surprise, dove inside, leaving no corner unexplored.

“One thing... at a time, brat,” he whispered between kisses, humming as he felt Eren’s fingers dig into his backside and push him for another roll against his crotch. He complied, his hips finding a steady rhythm while their mouths never stopped their dance. With the air growing hotter, their patience started to thin. Their touches grew bolder, harsher, the friction of them pressing against each other coming closer to the point of being painful. It only increased their desperation, the need, the ache to take more, to take it all.

Eren was the first to fall to his desires, take the initiative in helping Levi undress. Even while his fingers shook from the nerves he so desperately tried to hide, he no longer restricted himself; it was like a switch had flipped in his mind, turning Eren from blushing virgin to a man ready to take what was rightfully his. His one palm trailed down the path against the skin of Levi’s back, while his other kept kneading the still-clothed backside, making Levi chuckle at the renewed impatience he was showing. As soon as Levi was bare from the waist-up, Eren took his time in relearning his aged and more calloused body. If he had a fleeting thought of feeling self-conscious, it quickly evaporated with Eren’s fingers not shying away from touching each and every new scar, lips trailing down the path of his neck, collarbone, chest - everywhere he could reach, as if reassuring the older man of still being beautiful in his eyes.

Levi sighed in Eren’s embrace.

It was more comfort than passion at that point, but after the shitty things they had to go through, it seemed fitting. Eren was still unsure, he could feel it. Even though he _wanted_ Levi, if the hard flesh hidden by his trousers was anything to go by, he still doubted himself. He still didn't _believe_ he could actually bring Levi the pleasure he needed. Oh, how naïve of him. From the moment he took a step inside the room, Levi was already ready and willing to accept everything they could share. Still, it wasn't about him. It was about Eren and the experiences _they_ could share, together. So he let Eren set the pace; slow, sensual, at times frustrating, grinding strokes, which seemed to lead nowhere while feeling so self-satisfying. Their lips never separated, doing most of the talking, and at some point, when he felt Eren had relaxed enough, he went to open his pants.

As cold hands reached Eren's heated skin, his initial reaction was to freeze, a small, berating curse leaving his mouth which Levi quickly swallowed by saying _it's okay, it's just me, relax._ He continued tenderly kissing him while his hand waited, still and unmoving until it was given a green light to go ahead.

It wasn't their first time but it might as well be. They were never together as they were now - the Captain and the Titan Shifter. Yet as he caught a glimpse of those emerald orbs, he wondered if there was any point in thinking that. At the end of it all they were just _them_ \- Eren and Levi. As if to prove that point, Eren's hand came to circle around his wrist, and squeezed. Levi then tilted his head back to take a look at him, and had to smile at Eren's flaming cheeks, a glimpse he caught before he was once again being kissed by a hungry mouth.

He hummed in Eren's mouth as he felt him grow stiffer with each passing moment, lips less responsive and eyes lost in desire. Levi loved seeing him like this. He looked wild and untamed. He looked _free._ Levi wanted to see more of that look, more of Eren just being _Eren_ and not everything the world wanted them to be. He ran his fingers up and down before squeezing, sliding his thumb along heated flesh and that seemed to be enough to send Eren over the edge, his body going taut with a soft cry, before slumping against Levi.

As he was waiting for Eren to recover, he had to bite the inside of his cheek to not burst out laughing at the frown on the brunet's face, who was pointedly glaring at Levi's still unattended arousal.

"Eren…" he spoke in a whisper to bring his attention back to him while caressing the back of his scalp. Eren blinked at him, observing, before dislodging his hands.

In a second flat, Levi was pushed to lay on his back, gray eyes blinking to stare dazedly at the sight ahead; Eren, propped on his knees, with the muscles of his torso stretching as he pulled against the fabric of his shirt. He looked sinfully delicious; with his pants riding low on his hips and knees pushed to straddle the raven below, Eren looked everything like a man, and nothing like the brat he was used to.

Curious, Levi reached out with his fingertips to caress the heated skin, an action that left Eren's muscles underneath constrict and the surface to leave goosebumps at the mere contact. He trailed his path upwards, sliding his hand up, slowly, to savor the tremors he felt at the pads of his fingers, until they stopped just a breath away from his nipples. Eren stiffened while Levi plunged forward; taking the hardened nub between his fingers, he pulled and teased, his nails grazing the tender skin.

The response was instantaneous; gasping, Eren swayed, hips bucking at the electric sensation, a move that forced Levi to steady him with a hand on the hip, yet not to relent his movements. Eren's whole body continued to buzz, to emit the highly aroused energy as he struggled with the battle of staying upright. Levi squeezed his hip, a reassurance that he would not let him topple over, while watching Eren slowly getting used to his explorations - Eren at the mercy of Levi's hands. He could admit it to himself, that it was everything he wanted but didn't get a chance to do the last time, all those years ago. But now… Now he could; he could _touch_ , he could _look;_ short breath, glistening skin, and a wild look in his eyes - Eren looked more alive and _beautiful_ than ever. Immediately Levi felt himself stir with painful need. He wanted _more_ of him.

Before Eren could fully recover, Levi slid the other hand down towards his hip, using it for leverage to haul himself up and pressed his lips against the sweat-covered skin, swallowing the heat, taking in the gasp that came from above, and just let himself _taste;_ licking and nibbling, followed by a few open mouthed kisses along Eren’s torso.

"L-levi…" Eren's voice was hoarse, switching between hissing and pleading for Levi, asking, though not yet aware of what.

Levi continued mouthing against the tanned skin, his hands soon joining the exploration; while kneading the flesh, he kept pulling around the edges of the pants, fingers dipping underneath and grazing the skin there, until Eren was positively vibrating with desire. At one particularly sensitive spot on Eren's hipbone, he yelped, hand shooting out to grab hold of Levi's shoulder, squeezing, at which Levi only gave a hum in response, never stopping. He was panting heavily, gasping out _Levi's_ name, yet he still seemed to have enough sanity to hold back. _Not for long_ , Levi though.

Seeing as his pants were already undone from their previous explorations, Levi brought one hand around Eren's backside, to keep him steady, before reaching inside, underneath the damp fabric to pull out the hardened length. Air left his lungs, before a long hiss went past Eren's lips, eyes squeezing shut. Propping himself up, Levi went to trail his tongue against the wildly beating pulse against the brunet's neck while his other hand continued to stroke him, bringing him towards the hill once again.

Eren's breath came in short gasps, a sign Levi took as Eren not being able to last for much longer. Levi was all too happy to bring his lover to the second orgasm; he increased the speed of the movements of his hand, rolled his hips into the tanned skin so that their sweat-covered chests would slide against each other, all the while mouthing against the heated flesh.

He didn't expect it then, when in a sudden move Eren wrenched Levi's hand away from his pants and brought him back to the bed, pinning the hands on either side of the raven head, as if preventing those hands from teasing him again. He thought he heard a growl leave those lips, before they were on him _;_ rough and demanding, with a hint of teeth, that left Levi hissing and aching with need. He tried to struggle from below, his body wanting to seek warmth of another, but soon found himself unable to, not without risking injury. Eren's hold was unrelenting, together with his mouth that kept taking and taking until Levi was gasping for air.

Well, if teasing got Eren to _this_ Levi sure wasn't complaining.

His chest was rising and falling, mouth still open, that's why he let that indignant sound leave past his lips. Eren was… With hands still holding him down, Eren had his mouth pressed on Levi's chest, doing everything and _more_ he was just taught, minutes prior. Levi hissed as a sharp sensation travelled through his body. Fuck. Were those teeth? Fucking brat, was he… Levi couldn't think anymore as he was struggling with both stifling his voice and continuing to breathe while Eren tortured his body with skills he shouldn't even have. Shitty brat and his instincts. He was a natural. He just needed to be led in the right direction, _provoked,_ which Levi surely did, and here they were - Levi once again at the mercy of a brat half his age.

He keened, head tossing to the side at the continuous licks and biting, as one hand left his and traveled towards the hip. Another soon joined, pausing to take hold of Levi's pants and then pulled them off in one swift move. Eren made sure to fold them properly and lay them on the edge of the chair, a small gesture Levi didn't miss but was getting frustrated by at this moment.

Then he came back.

Crawling on the bed by his feet, Eren took one in his tanned hand - caressing and putting a kiss on the ankle that still ached for Levi on the colder days. His heart soared at the sight. _Eren._ He wished he could express how much he truly meant to him; be it words or actions. Everything he did seemed inadequate. Swallowing his overwhelming thoughts, he brought his hand towards Eren's and entwined their fingers, letting the sight of their shared pair of strings get imprinted into his mind. Eren squeezed back, with his eyes glistening in the dimly lit room. Parting his legs to accommodate him, Levi pulled Eren back towards him, legs locking behind the strong back as he took Eren's mouth into his for a scorching kiss.

When their lips finally separated, leaving both pairs glistening and bruised, Levi took his time to only look into the rich green orbs, knowing the same desire he found there was reflected from his own grays. He brushed the longer brown locks by his ear, which Eren was yet to trim, and brought their foreheads together, finding comfort in the hands that held him.

He wanted him. Inside him. Around him. Any form he could get, and the pain in his heart was only reminding him of how real this moment between them was.

Pushing his feet on the mattress, Levi went to sit them again, taking Eren's mouth into his before he could question him. He kept Eren’s attention focused on his face while he prepared himself to make that final connection between their bodies. Eren asked, and after being refused, teased with his fingertips against the lower part of his back, even being as bold as dipping his fingers into the cleft of Levi’s ass. That only got him a sharp bite against the juncture of where his neck met shoulder, retaliation for the brat’s impatience.

He would never forget the choked out sound that escaped Eren when their bodies finally connected as one. While it had been a while for Levi, and it was rather painful, the sight of Eren; both in pain and unbearable ecstasy, was almost his undoing. He clung to Levi with his blunt nails, crushing their bodies together as if to prevent him from disappearing and just kept calling his name with desperate groans.

Levi pushed himself up before going down, creating a steady rhythm as much as he could maintain in his half-dazed mind. He forgot what it felt like. Or perhaps the problem was that he never _did._  Not like this. And the more he gave of himself, the harder it was to hold back, to not moan in shameless need. Eren's hands, Eren's breath, Eren's smell - it was all coming crashing down at him all at once and he wasn't sure how to handle it. Eren wasn't thinking, and he was on a thin line himself. After a while he gave up; burying his head in the crook of Eren's shoulder, he relaxed his hips and let Eren take him from below, with his teeth biting onto the flesh to stifle his groans.

He could tell when Eren was getting closer. His breath became uneven, shorter, hands holding the pale body straining with the effort to not to hurt him. But Levi wanted him to let go, so he pulled them back onto the bed and dug his heels and fingers into the tanned skin, urging him on.

Eren nearly sobbed as he took the hint, his whole body shaking, hands too unstable to hold him properly up, before he took a breath in and seemed to collect himself. His mouth dove in to taste Levi before his arms came to twist him in a way which made Levi's head flop back against the sheets with a low moan. Fuck it. He wouldn't be able hold back anymore. Throughout it all, Eren kept calling his name, hoarse and thick with passion, sounds filling his ears to the point where it was making him delirious and he found himself snapping at the brunet to _shut the hell up._

He didn’t. Instead he increased his speed, each thrust making Levi lose that bit more of his control over his voice, his heart, and as his own breath started to quicken, he found Eren holding him that much closer to his body, asking him, begging him to not hold back. Maybe it was because of the way Eren looked at him that Levi couldn't find it within himself to refuse him, or maybe he was just too far gone at that point to care, so he just held onto Eren, biting his trembling lower lip one last time, before a sharp cry was ripped out of his mouth, his whole body going stiff and shaking from the aftershocks.

Later, with both their bodies deliciously exhausted, Levi stared at the ceiling of his room, mind pleasantly void of thoughts. He could feel Eren’s fingers playing idly against his skin, traveling the path around his chest, stomach, navel and then going up again. It was tickling, a bit uncomfortable even, but he couldn’t find the strength to voice it out. He felt good. After a long while, it felt peaceful. It felt perfect.

He then felt Eren shift around in the sheets, his front reaching Levi’s side, before soft lips descended on his shoulder, words being murmured against skin.

“I want this to last… “

Levi kept silent. It was bittersweet to hear the words, which, while undeniably true, held no real future.

He wished Eren never spoke them.

“I’m sorry…I didn’t mean to say that,” the brunet said quietly, both of them seeing the lie in it.

“Yes, you did.”

“I’m sorry,” he repeated and Levi’s heart went out for him. He twisted his neck to look at the saddened youth, brushing a stray tear that left the emerald eye with the pads of his fingers and then let himself be pulled against a hard chest, hands tightening against Levi’s stomach. “Can I hold you?” he asked. A formality, since he was already doing so. Still, Levi thought he should play along.

“I warned you about spooning, didn’t I?”

“Just...for tonight?” he asked, face already settling in on the pillow. And Levi could do nothing else but hum, allowing them both a secret moment, which held no promise of ever getting a repeat.

If he only slept a couple of hours that night for the sake of imprinting the feel of those hands against his body to his brain, there was nobody besides Eren who needed to know that, with eyes as red and sleep-deprived as Levi’s own.

 

***

 

His ass fucking hurt. As he managed to crack his sleep-deprived eyes open to glare at the world ahead, the only thought in him was of murder. Whoever spewed that bullshit about sex making people feel like they are on cloud nine the next day clearly were over in their heads. Or Levi was simply too old for those experiences. And fairy tales usually didn’t speak about thick rods being shoved into holes not meant to accommodate that kind of pressure. He grunted as he felt a sharp sting travel down his backside from simply rolling over to his side. Thank fuck he had the forethought to actually try this thing out with Eren a few days before the expedition. He wouldn’t have known what to tell Erwin otherwise.

As his eyes landed on an oblivious sleeping youth, a part of him wanted to pretend he had it in him to retaliate for the pain caused, but as soon as his fingers settled on the brown mess, which Eren called hair, they stilled. Instead of pulling them out their roots as Levi originally planned, he started massaging his scalp with gentle precision. As Levi's fingers felt around for the soft locks, his eyes kept scanning Eren’s face; he took in the dark eyelashes that fell over the cheeks, felt the slight breeze of air from the sharp exhales tickle his face, and then his eyes narrowed onto the trail of saliva coming out of the slackened mouth. He looked like a shitty brat. On most days, Levi could find no reason why he would find this sort of sight adorable. As if to prove his point, he pinched the tanned cheek and watched Eren’s features scrunch, a soft mumble, which could be identified as “Levi”, leave his mouth, before he settled back to sleep. Not even _remotely_ adorable.

He indulged himself for a few more moments before the need to get himself back into working gear won out and he forced himself out of the bed. By the time he had washed, changed and limped-his-way-without-showing-it to the mess hall, the deep scowl on his face was a permanent fixture. He wished at the very least to have a quiet morning before they all had to gather for the strategy meeting.

Unfortunately, Erwin was already seated in one of the chairs, awkwardly chopping against a bar of butter. His eyebrows drew together as Levi prepared his mind and body to stop showing signs of how literally fucked he was, before clearing his throat to alert Erwin of his presence. Erwin seemed slightly surprised to see him up so early but was quick to offer Levi a seat on his left side.

“I’m not spoon-feeding you, if that’s what you’re implying,” Levi said while he gingerly sat down on the seat. The amused look on Erwin’s face was making him paranoid that he actually failed in being subtle about it. Not that it was any of Erwin’s business who he was fucking. But considering Eren was put under Levi’s care and the whole mess going with the government, knowing about their improved relationship status would likely not give them any sympathy.

Levi chose to watch Erwin’s fingers battle with the butter instead. When the man nearly managed to drop the week’s worth portion on the floor, Levi grabbed both the knife and the butter from Erwin’s one helpless hand and while glaring at his own hands mechanically cut them both their share. He could see Erwin watching him but he refused to acknowledge the stare, which usually meant the man was psychoanalyzing him.

“It was not your fault,” he said in a voice soft and comforting like Levi was the one unable to fucking hold a knife properly. He cut into the piece with more force, the blade catching against the table, as he spat out, “Didn’t say it was.”

Erwin didn’t say more. Good. He wanted to drop the whole thing anyway.

It was by the time Levi poured them both a cup of tea and was sipping on his own when Erwin told him about getting the funds for the next couple of expeditions. Levi glanced at him with a frown on his face. “What did you pull?”

If he expected to get an answer to that, he didn’t get one. Instead, he felt something brush against the back of his head, on the threshold between his undercut and longer hair. He slapped the foreign hand away, the sound of it echoing down the hall. “What the fuck are you doing?” His voice was collected, but the bite was there. Levi didn’t appreciate being teased and Erwin used his non-existent privilege one too many times.

“Bed hair looks cute on you,” the blond man chuckled. While Levi couldn’t control his cheeks against heating up from the memories from the previous night, he could make sure the scowl on his face was dark enough to make the man drop the topic. “Stop talking creepy shit, and better tell me how tomorrow is going to go.”

Erwin hummed, still a hint of mirth visible on his features. “I’ll tell you together with everyone else. No point in repeating the same thing twice,” he said while looking at his now-empty plate. He appeared calm and collected, his demeanor not changing even when Levi loudly pushed his chair against the floor and sat himself facing the Commander, his eyebrows raised.

“Well this shit is going to have to be repeated a lot more than twice seeing as how we’re going to have a new Commander for the expedition.”

“There will be no new Commander, Levi,” the blond man said with a sigh. After seeing Levi ready to protest, he amended, “Not yet. I’m joining you in this expedition.”

“Your sense of humor seems to have gone to complete shit since the last time we talked,” Levi talked roughly, while his fingers quickly took a hold of the knife he had been using for food and with a spin, harshly stabbed it into the wooden table. “What do you plan to do with that one arm of yours exactly, when you can’t even hold a fucking butter knife properly?”

“I’m touched by your worry,” Erwin said while his eyes watched the freshly created crack between the planks. “But it’s something I gotta see for myself. Both the capture of Memory Titan and the expeditions. Commander is not only a soldier but also a spirit, Levi.”

“So what, you’ll give us a pep talk and march off to your death?” Levi asked incredulously. “You gotta be joking. You’re no use to me if you’re dead.” Suddenly the raven stood up, his shorter frame looming against the seated man. “Should I break your other arm?” Levi asked in a dangerously detached voice, eyes wide and piercing. Before the man could answer, lean fingers grabbed hold of the fabric of Erwin’s shirt, pulling him close. “If you so wish, I can make you paralyzed all the way down so that only your mouth is working with which you can continue giving us your shitty speeches.”

Erwin smiled, softly, then his hand slowly rose and settled against Levi’s trembling digits. He squeezed, and while looking straight at the turbulent gray orbs, pulled the hands away. “I have already decided, Levi. Don’t waste your breath.”

“You’re a real piece of work, you know that?” Levi said, and then with a shake of his head, pulled back with a frown. “Fine. I’ll follow your lead.”

“Thank you,” Erwin said, pleased to see Levi’s usual grumpy side reappearing as the raven sat back down in his seat.

Before long the main group of soldiers that would be going for the expedition started piling into the room. Levi watched everyone gather with a practised indifference, though, the frosty air around him prevented anyone from sitting to him closer than two seats over. His ears picked up a loud voice cursing and spitting into what he could see a bloodied napkin. Levi was one second away from throwing Kirschtein out and warning him to not come back unless it was with a bucket to clean after himself, when Arlert’s voice made him pause. “Jean! What…happened? Don’t tell me you fought with Eren again?” While the short blond fussed around the pissed-off looking friend, Levi found himself frowning, staring at the damage that went way past playful. “Fuck if I know, Jeager is being a bitch only because I tripped him.”

While Erwin was giving the opening speech, Levi’s eyes were cast on Eren. The brat was one of the last few to show up, having to stand instead of sitting. That didn’t explain, though, why he chose to stand at the farthest corner of the room, emitting a murderous aura that he occasionally would throw in Levi’s direction.

He hoped he was wrong.

Because what the fuck did the brat have to be pissed off about? If anything, it was Levi who wanted to stab someone every extra passing hour he had to sit on the hard wooden chair. If it was yet another scuffle between him and Kirschtein, he could deal with it. But since even the young soldier didn’t seem to be aware of the problem, it put Levi in a difficult position.

He tried to catch the brat’s eyes in hopes of conveying to him to take the stick out of his ass at least for the length of the meeting but he seemed to be set on ignoring Levi.

Levi was beyond pissed and frustrated by the time Erwin finally started addressing the matters of true importance. “There will be two main groups in this expedition,” the man talked. “The first one will be responsible for the successful capturing of the Memory Titan. The main forces will be lead by me, Levi and Hanji.” Levi glanced at the man as Erwin gave a purposeful pause. “The second will be responsible for attracting the nearby Titans and luring them away from the Memory Titan. That group will be lead by Eren.”

There was a moment of silence where several gasps echoed down the hall before Levi intervened. “That’s a lot of shit that just left your mouth. The brat is nowhere near ready to lead the troops nor is his Titan anything close to being reliable. Plus I’m responsible for whatever shit he does, so putting me in a different flank is out of the question.”

The mere thought of being separated from Eren put Levi at unease, but he knew that _logically_ they couldn’t be separated on the battlefield. Even Erwin had to see that. Of course then Eren had the galls to step up and protest, “I can do it.”

Levi scoffed at him. “Stay out of it, Eren. It’s not a decision for you to make,” he spoke roughly, being more forceful than he meant to. He realized too late that he fell back into the pattern of how he used to treat Eren before - not as his lover, but as his commanding officer. It was frustrating that he now had to juggle between the two, but Eren’s none too subtle glare told him he already failed in even trying.

For fuck’s sake.

“You should have more faith in your subordinate, Levi,” the blond man said, putting even more unnecessary pressure on Levi. He didn’t need to be told that. Him believing in Eren and knowing when a soldier was ready for responsibility were two separate things. For whatever fucked up reason Erwin thought it made sense to question Levi’s judgement now.

“I’ll do that when it’s worthwhile of my faith,” he said lowly with a scowl. “He’s not ready,” he added, pointedly ignoring Eren’s indignant glare. He was about ready to follow that thought with a bunch of colorful words when he met Erwin’s piercing gaze.

“Levi.”

His tone wasn’t loud, but the command it held underneath spoke it all - any more and he would be speaking out of line. Even now, he could see the soldiers watching their exchange with a renewed sense of interest. If Erwin’s position wasn’t so fragile at the moment, perhaps he would have continued arguing, but he knew he couldn’t confuse the soldiers with a power struggle the day before the expedition.

So he backed out.

“Fine. Eren can lead,” Levi spat out, the words leaving a sour taste in his mouth.

Afterwards Erwin went through the remaining details over the formation and each group’s responsibilities. Eren was nodding the whole time, fully immersing himself in the freshly appointed role.

Levi still thought it was a shitty idea.

As soon as the meeting was over, he was prepared to catch Eren and talk it over with him again, in what he hoped would be a more civilized manner. Sadly, he had a little shit for a lover, who could be stubborn beyond his years, and no matter how much Levi hinted at him to go somewhere private, Eren would only answer that he was very busy, having to prepare for tomorrow with an added “Sir” at the end.

Levi wanted to throttle him.

“Fine, you little shit. Be like that,” Levi spoke roughly, forgetting all about trying to appease Eren with kindness. It didn’t come naturally to him, but he sure as hell wasn’t going to beg while being spat upon. He mustered the darkest glare he could, before he spoke his piece.

“I don’t know what pissed in your tea today, but you’re acting like an annoying shit. Taking charge of a group of people is not a fucking walk into a park. Essentially you're put to be responsible for whether those people live or die. And while there has been a lot who died for you before, I don't think you're quite ready to make that call directly."  
  
"I am," Eren replied stubbornly. "And since Commander Erwin entrusted me with the task, I don't need you making decisions for me, _Sir_!"  
  
"Oh? Then that's all fine I guess. No matter who lives or dies in the long scheme of things, it's just a number. What's a hundred more graves to dig, right? If we run out of manpower, we can always use your titan powers to help us anyway."

"Why are you telling me all this?" Eren gritted out through his teeth, fists trembling. "Do you enjoy torturing me with the imagines of those that died for me? I know I failed them, you don't need to remind me of that!"  
  
"Of course I don't fucking enjoy it. I'm telling you because I don't want to see you go through that _again._ " He hated the way his voice wavered on the last syllable, but after a quick thought, he decided against feeling shame over worrying about the brat. It was painfully obvious that he was and Eren couldn’t fault him for that. Especially knowing their history.

"Well, that's impossible, isn't it?" Eren asked, his voice unnaturally calm, and as their eyes connected, the raven felt his heart tighten. "Because it's the world we live in."

He wanted to argue more, but as he opened his mouth, his throat felt dry. He selfishly wanted to shield Eren away from the world he was already born in. He was being irrational. But though Eren might be right about having the right to choose his path, it still didn’t explain why he was keeping his distance from Levi, why was he avoiding Levi’s touch. It bothered him. He was ready to get to the bottom of the issue when Erwin suddenly called for his attention.  

Levi silently cursed, turning to Eren to tell him they should resume their talk later, but by that time the previous spark seemed to be gone from Eren’s eyes, being replaced by a frustratingly familiar detached hostility.

“It’s fine,” he coldly said, eyes not meeting the raven’s. “You should go back to the Commander. Maybe he has something else to tell you in private.” And before Levi could comment on Eren’s rather abrupt dismissal of Levi or his bitter tone, the brat was already showing the raven his back without glancing back once.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I must apologize for the delay in the update of this chapter. I tried to space it out until I'm done with some changes. Currently chapters 14 and 15 are undergoing some major rewrites and I have to ask you to be a little bit more patient. Between my exam period and other responsibilities I'm physically unable to sit and do those rewrites right now, but I'll try to do my best in catching up.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No, this is not a drill. This is a resurrection of a dead civilization, ehem, fic. There are not enough words in the vocabulary to apologize for the long wait. I just felt like my ending made no sense and had to rewrite it. And somewhere along the way the princess by the name Inspiration had left me and...yeah. Whatever the case, I AM working on the end and it SHOULD appear much sooner than this chapter. I mean, it's kind of 3/4 pre-written already, so let's at least try to be optimistic about it, huh? 
> 
> P.s. this chapter is not fully beta-read.
> 
> Okay. Me gone.

**Chapter 14**

 

He needed to get his hair trimmed. As Levi watched few stray brown locks getting caught by the wind and then swing into the boy’s face, he felt his fingers itch, wanting to grab hold of them, push them aside to get a better view of the vibrant emerald eyes. Though young, he didn’t look like a child in Levi’s eyes. He was almost there, losing the last bits of baby fat on his face, showing the signs of sharper, more defined features; his jawline, wide lips and the intense eyes, which made Levi’s heart skip an unsteady beat every time they were cast upon him. He looked good. Sitting in the front of his own designated flank, with back held straight and face showing a serious look, Eren appeared every bit like a soldier ready for a battle ahead. Still, Levi couldn’t help but feel uneasy. It was worse when the brat was hell bent on ignoring his very existence, resolutely staring ahead, despite Levi’s constant staring. There was no way he wasn’t feeling the intensity of the waves Levi was sending towards him, yet whatever he was stuck upon seemed to be more important than having a proper talk with the older man. 

He was acting like a fucking brat. 

 It was putting Levi on edge; the vulnerability, the sensation of no longer being the master of his own emotions - feeling lost and confused despite standing so close to the battle. The ache in his heart - so persistent and unyielding, something he thought himself to be immune to. _To be hurt._ It was almost laughable, how a simple lack of eye contact could make him feel so affected - so _alone_ \- making him question his own resolution in pursuing anything romantic with Eren. Perhaps he would finally agree to talk to Levi if he told Eren his uncertainties. But then again, he was far too prideful to appear like a fucking teenager himself. 

By the time Hanji reached his side, Levi made sure a deep scowl was properly set on his face, and no other emotion showed. “Eren leading, huh?” they sighed dreamily, a spark in their eyes indicating their excitement. “At this speed it won’t take long before he’s made captain.”

 Levi scoffed. “Wouldn’t count on it. He’s still a shitty brat, who can’t function like a human being unless provoked,” he spoke, bitterness seeping through his tone. He felt Hanji’s imploring gaze fixed onto him, but refused to acknowledge it. They pushed forward on their own, arm slinging around Levi’s stiff shoulders.

 "Don’t say that, Levi,” they lectured while joyfully grinning into Levi’s frowning face. “You should support your lover in things like these.”

 Levi was sure a lover shouldn’t behave like a fucking shit to him, but hey, one could argue his shitty personality deserved such treatment. 

 “Not like he gives me a fucking chance,” he said, and immediately regretted showing how affected he truly was. His brows furrowed further down as he felt a tugging sensation in his chest. 

For fuck’s sake. How could a fifteen year old manage to manipulate his feelings like that? Even more so, how could he possibly let himself be this influenced? Eren was just a brat; he was nothing. There was a battle looming over their heads and here he was mooning over a fight. A fight which happened directly after their shared intimacy, he might add. Fuck. He was not going down that road. It’d only make him feel even more pathetic. He could feel heat overtaking his temples as he rubbed against them. 

Fucking hell. 

He was startled out of his thoughts when fingers pressed on his shoulder. “Levi? What happened? Did you fight?” they asked in wonder, their eyes showing concern. He cursed himself and then the person themselves. 

“Back the fuck off, shitty four-eyes. You’re making it look like a scene,” he hissed, making sure he straightened up before someone could catch wind of it. 

“Sorry sorry,” they said with hands placed before them in a placating manner. “I just can’t believe it. You both suffered so much when being separated. Why did you fight now?”

“How should I know?” he barked, his tone surprising Hanji as they leaned back. Or maybe it was the words. How pathetic it was when he was as clueless as any passerby what went inside the brat’s head. “I don’t know what the fuck that brat is thinking,” he hollered out and took the reins in his fists, successfully ending the conversation. 

Honestly he was tired. Having to keep up with everything that was happening recently was seriously taking a toll on his psychique, and Eren being the shithead that he was, only added to his already enormous headache. He wanted peace. He wanted to go back to before he was so easily swayed by his emotions. But he couldn’t, because he was in fucking love with probably the most difficult person within the walls. 

Sometimes he really hated the part of himself that was in love with Eren. 

After Erwin’s encouragement speech, which Levi totally missed out on, his brain being filled with useless thoughts about a certain brat, the men were finally ready to march into the battle. The whole formation went through the gate as one, but soon it was starting to split into groups. Eren’s flank separated from the main troops first, as the titan shifter was responsible for luring the titans away, and soon he was out of Levi’s sight completely.

While absolutely nerve-wrecking, having the brat away made the raven also more at ease. He could finally give his full focus on the scenery before him, his mind regaining its sharpness and vigility. Just in time, too, because as soon as his hearing came back full force, he heard the unmistakable sound of heavy footsteps coming their way.

"A fifteen meter abnormal has been spotted!” someone shouted, giving his flank a head’s up before the titan with big doe eyes came running into them. Erwin was the closest, being on the outermost right, for whatever fucked up reason. He should have been in the center. Levi cursed as he watched the man urge the horse to leap out of the titan’s way, but that also meant that he couldn’t hold onto the blade, leaving him on the defence. 

Someone was trying to assist the commander, rushing into the titan’s visual range, and despite Levi’s strict orders to fall the fuck back, one lone man didn’t listen well enough, his body hanging from the titan’s burly fingers - limp and void of life. 

Levi shot out, his body flying with speed towards the messy dark head of the titan. He landed just in time to avoid being swatted away where the nape of the giant resided at. Its movements seemed uncontrolled, limbs crashing around as if catching flies. Perhaps that was all humans were to them. When he spotted a figure below start moving again, Erwin, the titan’s eyes also followed, arms reaching out to grab onto its new prey. Levi used that moment, and while tightly gripping his blades, swung right at the nape, successfully bringing it down before it could reach the Commander. 

As Levi landed on the ground, he was not happy, and Erwin was the first to be shown just how much. “What the actual fuck were you thinking?” he yelled out, eyes blazing in fury. “You were supposed to stay in the fucking center.”

“I was the closest, thought I could take it down,” Erwin said somberly. 

“Tell it to the man who died while saving your sorry ass.” He didn’t care if he was speaking out of line. It was the truth. Erwin fucked up. They haven’t even reached their destination yet, and it was already affecting the overall mood of the soldiers. While most fresh recruits wore horrified looks on their faces at both witnessing the fragility of life and the tension between the Captain and his Commander, there were some, particularly two soldiers, who just stood frozen in the middle of the field, their eyes big and wide as they watched the prone body on the ground. Levi grimaced as he recognised that look. He was probably a friend to the other two.

"Oi," a steely voice called out, making the two young soldiers jump, and cast their eyes on the dangerous looking Captain. "How long are you going to keep staring at it? He was your friend, wasn't he? Do you want his body to be lost, never to be recovered, like so many before him, or are you actually going to move your asses and bring the body to his mother?"  
  
"Ye-es, sir!" They only hesitated for a second before their bodies moved and the two saluted him. Levi's eyes narrowed at them, when they kept standing frozen on the spot.  
  
"Well? Aren’t you moving?" His piercing stare nearly made the lower rank soldiers trip onto their own feet as they pushed forward, gingerlily carrying the broken body to one of the carriages. Levi's eyes followed the two friends in a mournful silence. After a few moments he took hold of the reins and rode back into the formation, taking his position at the front. He felt another presence soon join his. 

“You were right,” Erwin began in a quiet voice. Levi only grunted in acknowledgment. “I… Fucked up, as you said. Thank you for coming to my rescue.“

“Don’t make me do it again,” Levi huffed, brows pinched together, and then galloped down the path. 

They managed to reach the part of the forest without further incidents. Mainly because of the lack of titans in the near vicinity. It was eerily quiet for a time in day when the sun was high into the sky. The place should be swarmed with titans. No sooner had they reached into the clearing with the massive tree, the answer presented itself in the view of a titan herd being bundled together. Levi could barely see a peak of brown head in the midst of the titan circle, and it freaked Levi the fuck out. 

The brat was fucking insane. And if he thought watching him play tag with a herd of a dozen titans was some kind of entertainment, then his brain was seriously fucked. Levi almost froze for a second, his brain yelling at him to go straight to Eren and bring him out, but before he could fully entertain such thought, masses of people were yelling for his attention and he was forcibly brought back to reality. 

Right. He had a titan to bring down. 

They decided it was the safest bet for them to put the explosives at one vulnerable point of the Memory Titan and let it fall. Then several carriages would bring it back to the walls. Levi had to frown as he took in the sheer size of the titan. It was thick and long and he had doubts if the carriages they brought would be sufficient. 

“All ready! Step aside!” the soldiers were yelling and he, together with his men, took cover while the explosives did their work. As the thing’s lower part of the bark exploded, it started to wobble and soon enough it was reaching for the ground. Levi could barely tolerate Hanji’s excited squeals as they danced around their specimen. Erwin, too, had a…content look on his face. It was weird enough to make Levi frown at his profile. 

“Alright, good work, everyone!” he spoke from atop his horse. “Everyone, pull back. We’re heading back to the walls.”

As Levi hoisted himself up, he was suddenly startled by Mikasa’s shrill cry. He glanced to his side and true enough, Eren was slowly but steadily moving further into the woods. Perhaps he had been since the moment they set up the explosives. 

“What the fuck is he doing?” Levi cursed under his breath. 

As he watched Mikasa’s determined look, he was pretty sure she was seconds away from rushing in. He held his hand up, blocking her path. “Pull back. I will take care of it,” he said while looking her in the eyes. She glared at him in defiance. “The soldiers need you as backup to safely reach the walls,” he clarified. “I’ll bring Eren back. Now go.” 

Their eyes held, two pairs of intense, yet emotionally devoid eyes, unless it came to a certain brunet. She probably found something in his gray ones, or perhaps it was because of Kirschtein and Arlert’s urgings that she finally let herself be swept away with the troops, the carriages leaving with the Memory Titan securely tied inside. 

Levi heaved a sigh. While he partially trusted Eren to know what he was doing, he was aware of the brat’s stamina. Soon he would tire out and would be unable to regenerate from the onslaught of that many titans and it was up to Levi to take him out before anything of the sort could happen. 

Momentary putting aside his frustration with Eren’s reckless behavior, Levi readied himself to leave in the direction of the titan herd, when his eyes caught on Erwin. For whatever reason, the commander was still lurking around with a small amount of soldiers, giving out orders - a cleanup job that should have been left to a captain, not the main man in the troops. Exasperated by Erwin’s antics, Levi addressed the man. “I’ll go after Eren,” he announced, his hands already full of reins. “You go back with the men first. We’ll catch up.”

His eyes went towards the faraway part of the forest where he was hearing increasing roaring. He recognised one roar. It was Eren when he was starting to reach his limit. Shit, he took too much time. His heart stuttered, and he sharply turned towards Erwin to get a quick approval, only to be met with a pair of blue eyes, staring at him with a cool expression. It made Levi stop. Something was irking him from within. Like a bad feeling, which was growing stronger and stronger, to a point where he was almost feeling nauseous. 

“You fucking shit,” he whispered, eyes wide. “You actually made _that_ kind of deal.”

Erwin didn’t deny it. He didn’t even appear surprised Levi figured it out without him saying anything. He only held their eye contact and while looking at Levi’s shocked expression, repeated himself once more, 

“Pull back, Levi. That’s an order.”

He felt time stop as his mind fully registered what Erwin wanted him to do. He felt cold and hot all over his body, his heart beating like crazy inside his chest. 

He never truly forgot the fear, but he was no longer used to it; the dread of losing someone, the crippling paranoia of feeling scared for someone else’s safety. Not just a subordinate or a colleague, but someone who had an actual power to squeeze the air out of his lungs and leave him gasping. Having loved and lost, Levi never wanted to feel that again, and he succeeded, for years nobody came even close. It was going well, until _he_ came back into his life. 

It forced Levi to remember it all; the fear, the burning desire to win and live, no longer alone but with someone he craved to wake up next to. It was blinding and all-consuming – his breath quickening, heart beating wildly inside his chest, his hands, holding the blades, trembling at the mere thought of failure. 

He couldn’t bare to lose again. He refused to. 

Gritting his teeth, Levi forced himself to regain self-control, focusing all his energy on a single goal. He knew he was about to go against everything he swore he believed in for the past six years, but he couldn’t find it in himself to care. There was only one purpose he saw in that moment and it wasn’t in Erwin’s direction.

He harshly took hold of the reins and after throwing Erwin a look filled with both disgust and disappointment, pulled the horse around, and disappeared into the dark shadows of the woods.  

 

***

 

For a long time he wasn’t aware of any other sounds except for the horseshoes treading down the forest path and his own harsh breathing biting through the eerie silence. His mind was unnaturally quiet, afraid to make a coherent thought. He dreaded if he were to voice his fears, they would all inevitably come true. It was always like that. Every time he went past those walls, he would return with a piece of himself missing. And each time he was afraid to ask himself - why was his strength not enough? 

He picked up speed. Soon his eyes spotted movement, a flash of green fabric and his fingers quickly pulled onto the reins to make a stop. He watched the sight with detached silence - the Wings of Freedom insignia laying abandoned on the cold forest ground, its pearly white wings stained in red. Bodies, tens of men were laying in pieces. Men he knew, soldiers who would no longer be returning home. And suddenly Levi understood why Eren chose to pull back further into the forest. 

Stupid self-sacrificing brat. 

He heard the rumbling sound of heavy feet running, followed by a roar - a familiar deep, prolonged cry - and urged his horse towards it. As he came into a clearing, he spotted the elf-eared titan at once. Eren was in the middle of wrestling against four, no, five titans, with two of them clinging to his body with their teeth attached deep into Eren’s flesh. The damage he had taken was severe. Levi could see Eren’s ribs showing and he was missing chunks of flesh, gaping holes all over his body from where he was unable to regenerate fast enough. When one titan with a buzzcut started aiming for Eren’s back, Levi didn’t hesitate in propelling himself forward to make a clean cut of the monster’s nape. He spun around and aimed the grapple hooks for the second and the third titan that still surrounded Eren’s titan body. 

Afterwards, he landed on the branch, his eyes following Eren give a finishing blow to the remaining two titans that soon joined the half-dispersed bones already covering the ground - he could see six smoking bodies in the closest pile but further down the path there was more of them, maybe even a dozen. He did good. Despite undertaking severe damage, Eren managed to defeat a lot of his opponents and Levi was silently proud of him, unashamedly smiling at Eren’s massive frame….that was until he crumpled before Levi’s very eyes. 

Eren’s name barely left Levi’s mouth, before he found himself propelling himself towards the smoke emitting from Eren’s collapsed body. The heat was almost unbearable - it stung his eyes, and scratched his skin through the clothing, but Levi was paying it no mind as he dug into the titan flesh with bare hands. 

When he finally pulled Eren out, he was still tightly wound to the titan. More than any time before, his connection made it hard to recognise which part was safe to cut and which not. Sweat pooled against Levi’s temples as he cut through each part with unseeing eyes. Eren showed no signs of life. No matter how many times Levi called for him, yelled for him to the point of becoming hoarse, Eren appeared dead to the world. Levi kept cutting. With each connection severed the dread in the pit of his stomach became more and more evident and as he placed the last piece of muscle against the blade - his fingers shook. 

With the last cut made, Levi pulled Eren’s body out completely, laying it down on the grass. There was a pulse, but it was weak and fading. He placed his hands against Eren’s chest and pushed down, again and again, leaning down to provide some air between the intervals. He wasn’t a medic. He didn’t even remember ever fighting for another life so desperately. Lives in this world were feeting. The most fragile thing in this world was a human’s life outside the walls. How many dead men had he seen? Dozens, hundreds - he no longer knew. Yet in all those moments of their final breath he never even imagined himself fighting it. Why? Because it was over. Only the lucky ones got away with a few limbs missing. Most of the time, once you get bitten - you die. So why, why was the one time when he finally decided to fight against all reason had to be today? Today, when it was him, who had never brought a life back from the dead, fighting it? 

“...damn it…” The curse escaped through his clenched teeth as his hands momentary lost coordination, but then resumed its pacing. “...damn it. Damn _you_. Don’t you dare do this to me again, you piece of shit.” Even as he cursed, his body was already shaking. “I’m not going through that again, you hear me? You’re going to live. You have to. So fight, damn it. Eren!”

It was suffocating, and so damn painful. He just remembered calling Eren’s name again, and again, until everything came to a screetching halt – a sight of a foreign hand on his own shaking fingers and a steady rise and fall of the chest undernearth them. He froze, before lifting his gaze towards the forest green orbs slowly blinking at him. He kept silent - too confused to react, be it by hugging the brat fiercely or by strangling him for the scare his heart wouldn’t be over soon. 

He felt a hand reach his cheek, and thumb brushing against it. “I made you cry again,” a slightly hoarse voice said. “Sorry. I won’t do that again.”

A shuddering breath left his lips, and the next moment Levi found himself helping Eren sit up and gathering him in his arms. Just feeling a steady heartbeat against his own chest, made all of the energy seep out of Levi’s body. “Fuck… I hate you so much.”

He could feel Eren’s laugh vibrating through his body, before it subsided. “I know. Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize, you shitty brat,” he said and gripped Eren tighter. “Just live.“

“Okay.”

 

***

 

“I’m going to give you a ride. But I don’t know how in control I’ll be. Probably not much. So...be careful, okay?”

Once the initial shock had faded and Levi intimidated Eren into swearing to never repeat that kind of shit ever again, the two started discussing their return trip. Spark, Levi‘s black stallion, was nowhere to be seen. It was a small blessing, since the horses they had found were laying in pieces and otherwise squashed to the ground - likely by the earlier herd of the titans. Levi’s gas supply was also close to nonexistent. They had a total of one set of unblunted blades left, and no way of closing the distance to the walls. That’s how Eren proposed the idea of transforming yet again. 

The only clause was - they would wait for the sun to set. 

Protesting was useless. At this point they both knew that they were risking it all. Levi had to squash down his worries about Eren not being able to return to normal after this, while Eren kept frowning with his eyes cast down over being a danger to Levi. Exasperated, Levi closed the distance to pull against Eren’s cheek, then let it go with a painful smack. 

“Ow, what was that for?” Eren complained while rubbing his sore cheek. 

“Stop with that face. Nothing’s going to happen to me.” Seeing him still wanting to protest, Levi reached out for Eren’s nape and pulled his head down towards his shoulder. Getting the message to lean down, Eren wrapped his hands around Levi and squeezed. “You won’t hurt me. Trust me,” Levi said while rubbing Eren’s firm back. “I won’t give you a chance to.”

They departed with the sun falling down the horizon, Eren’s transformation echoing loudly against the otherwise eerie silent forest. Levi kept himself at the back of Eren’s neck, both trying to protect it and wagering on the titan growing a sense of trustworthiness in him. As soon as Eren’s feet reached the ground, he started running, only the pair of grapple hooks in the titan flesh keeping Levi stable enough not to topple over. 

The further they went, the faster Eren seemed to get, gaining speed with every leap. While the speed they were going at could come in handy, Eren wasn’t being smart about it. Or more like he _couldn’t._ He was running in a straight line, disregarding anything in his path - be it a lone deer under his feet or a ten-meter titan - he rushed into them straight on, plowing his path. It was left to Levi to cut against the clinging limbs of the few immune-to-nightfall titans, cutting down their fingers or the whole arm. He didn’t risk going for the nape as he was pretty sure Eren wouldn’t wait around for him and would very likely leave him - without a horse, surrounded by titans in the middle of a field with no terrain to assist him in using the ODM gear.

He knew Eren’s brain was probably swelled and shit from exhaustion, but it still sucked so damn much. He gave no indication of recognising Levi. He also wasn’t listening to anything Levi was telling him and at one point the raven had to start wondering if he kept Levi on his back simply because he wasn’t aware of the human, and maybe once he became aware, he’d start considering him prey. Fucking shit. He didn’t want to experience something as traumatising as considering Eren nothing but a monster, a _titan_ , he was expected to kill.

As Eren leapt over some debris in his path, he wobbled on his landing. At first Levi thought it was a mistake of foot position but then he heard the unmistakable sound of something breaking, gray eyes witnessing just in time a chunk of bone landing on the ground.

Something, no, _Eren_ , was breaking from the inside.

Levi already had his blades ready to cut him out when Eren suddenly stopped and roared, loud enough for Levi to have to cover his ears at the deafening sound. It was a long and sharp sound and despite Levi throwing insults in Eren’s immediate direction, his complaints were left unheard. The next moment he was running, giving Levi only a second to dig his blades into the flesh to keep his balance.

Eren was running with his last strength, his sole focus on the walls, and he made the last hundred of meters by sheer will alone - crawling on all fours like a lizard Levi used to joke about. In reality it wasn’t as funny.

Honestly Levi didn’t expect much, if at all, to find when they finally reached the walls. He certainly didn’t expect to see the light shining from atop the walls or for a made-up lift to be lowered to the ground for them. 

“Oi, Levi, Eren! Get up here!” Hanji’s voice seemed like a godsend in their desperation-filled situation. From where he stood with a now collapsed Eren by the foot of the wall, Levi could see that Hanji wasn’t alone. Jean Kirschtein was also with them, together with a ginger-haired guy Levi used to see hanging around Hanji's lab. 

Pulling Eren out wasn’t pretty. Though he didn’t seem as attached to the titan body as before, he had little control of his body and nearly swatted the soldier trying to assist Levi in the process. It took a combined effort afterwards to lift Eren’s limbless body to rest on the top of the wall. He let himself take a few breaths and sat down, setting the blade down beside him as Hanji attended to Eren. 

He was glad to have Hanji take over, if only for a moment.

His momentary piece was disturbed by a wet sensation against his cheek, followed by a gust of warm air. He felt a smile appearing in the corners of his mouth as he reached out to rub the stallion‘s neck. “Where did you find him?“

“Oh. He came before you two,“ Hanji said as they put bandages around Eren‘s limbs. “Kept whinning until we let him up.“ As if to deny the fact, Spark lifted his head and shook it wildly while snorting, before suddenly straightening up and trotting away. Levi watched him go with a fond smile.

“We’re gonna need a cart,” Levi said. “Can’t exactly carry the brat when he got no limbs attached to his body.”

“Then, I’ll-” Jean started, before getting interrupted by Levi.

“Forget it. He won’t listen to you. Hanji.” Their eyes met for a moment, then Hanji nodded and left. 

Jean was still casting doubtful looks in Eren’s direction, a sudden concern surprising to say the least, that it made Levi speak up. “He’s going to be fine.” 

He could tell he took the boy off guard, as he jumped from being addressed to. “Huh…”

“I thought you hated him,” Levi added, from his sitting position. 

“No. That’s not hate, it’s-” his words were left unheard when Levi spotted a figure approaching from the reflection on the blade. 

The sound of metal clashing echoed loudly against the silence of the night. The eyes that met his were wild ones - scared and desperate - yet he knew his own weren’t showing the needed compassion of a captain. Instead they were dangerous and glaring. 

“Have you gone mad? What the _fuck_ do you think you're doing?” 

“I-it’s not right…” the ginger-haired boy whispered while his fingers kept a firm grip on the blade, seemingly not even seeing how it kept cutting against Levi’s flesh.  

Levi’s eyes narrowed. “What’s not right?”

“We shouldn’t let this--this abomination into our homes.”

“What?”

A sharp laugh escaped the younger boy, a soldier, whose eyes seemed no longer to be seeing. 

“You, the captains and the commander think you got us all fooled, huh? Thinking we’re the brainless sheep, none the wiser. You think we’re not aware of what’s going on, huh? But let me tell you this - I know - I know that whatever bullshit was being spewn about the importance of the research on that damn tree is just that - bullshit. Instead, you want to see how it can fuse with Eren further, right? They already fused once, what’s to say they can’t again, eh? And then what? Are you going to use Eren to brainwash us all, like he did to you, captain Levi? Is that your ultimate plan - making us into more of a pathetic fodder than we are?”

His words seemed to ring louder than the tone they were spoken into. Nobody spoke for a while, only the harsh breathing of a soldier echoed loudly in the eerie silence. 

“Floch, seriously, man, calm down. You’re making no sense.” Jean tried to cut in, putting a hand on Floch’s shoulder which he harshly shook off. 

“It's true, though! The Captain Levi we know wouldn't have went against a direct order like that. But now he’s suddenly become the loyal dog of the titan? Does _that_ make sense to you? To any of you?” he addressed the soldiers that slowly gathered after hearing the commotion. 

They were interested. Seeds of doubt were being planted in the eyes of the soldiers that lost too much and gained too little. Fear. Pain. Those two emotions were poison to a soldier‘s heart. Often times lethal. Levi knew that better than anyone. He witnessed it firsthand how they paralyzed the body and mind, making it unable to move forward, to breathe – to live. He knew, but he could not reassure them. He could not explain it in a way that would make their loss more worth it. Kirschtein‘s attempts seemed pointless.

“Floch, you don’t know what’s been happening exactly-”

“You’re right, I don’t,“ Floch agreed. “But he _has_ changed. Ever since Eren woke up from his crystalised form. He _must_ have been brainwashed by Eren and the Memory Titan. Let's be real. We're already one misstep away from losing the Commander, are we going to lose Captain Levi too?! Then we might as well go offer ourselves to the titans below now and forget about the mission of reclaiming Wall Maria. We can't win like this!”

“For fuck's sake-”

“Please step aside, Captain Levi, and let me put an end to this.”

Watching the eyes of a young soldier, made something unpleasant stir inside Levi. He never thought he would find himself picking up a sword and pointing it at his own comrades in order to protect his own ideals. It was selfish. It was too human. Everything he avoided to associate himself with. But if it was to keep Eren safe, he would do it; he‘d shed his rank, severe his connections and stand as just a man. He would no longer waver in his choice. As soon as he felt renewed resistance against the blade, Levi adjusted his stance and grip.

"No, it's _you_ who needs to step back,“ Levi growled in a deep voice while pushing the tip of the blade that was tearing into his skin away. “Without Eren humanity doesn‘t even stand a chance at reclaiming Wall Maria. Stop acting on your emotions and sheathe your sword.”

His words were bitting and cold, as he kept his ground, unwavering. He watched the determination in the soldier’s eyes dim a little, being replaced by something akin to devastation. 

“You don’t see it, huh? You really are…”

His words were swallowed up by an arrival of Hanji and a few soldiers in her command that surrounded him. No matter how understanding Hanji wanted to be, there was firmness in their eyes as they addressed the young soldier. 

“Floch, you have to calm down or we'll use force. I don't want to do it, but you'll leave me no choice.”

"Do it! Go ahead! It's better than letting that _thing_ mess with our heads." He spun around to point precisely at the Memory Titan in the carriages. As the soldiers in Haji’s command started to approach, his voice took on a desperate tone. "Please wake up, everyone! Are we really going to take a Devil back into our homes? We're dooming ourselves. Please, listen to me!" he kept struggling while being held face down until Hanji finally put him to sleep. 

"I'm sorry."

The atmosphere afterwards was unbearably tense. The eyes of the soldiers kept glancing in Levi’s direction warily, who still stood at a protective stance by Eren's side - bleeding, with a half-blunted blade and a murderous look on his face. 

"Eren is coming back to the barracks with me. For those not in agreement… come!" he announced loudly, every muscle in his body tense and ready to strike at an earliest provocation.

That was enough to make people shrink back and avert their eyes. 

Levi  kept his back tense until Hanji joined him with eyes full of regret. “It was my mistake. I thought a mission would bring back his will. I didn't realize how far he was gone…"

"It doesn't matter now,” he said as he took in the faces of the fellow soldiers. "The damage has already been done." He could see Erwin approaching from the mass of the soldiers, still strong, still respected, even after being the cause of the mess that was happening. It made Levi’s blood boil, but he kept standing still, and hoping his eyes spoke of the hatred he felt for the man in that moment. Hanji cast him with a comforting look, before putting a hand on his shoulder and stepping aside as Erwin approached. 

“Levi. We'll discuss your actions in my office later.” His eyes fell down on Levi’s arm and stayed there. “For now you should take care of your wound and put Eren in the carriage. We're heading back.”

The hypocricity of it all made Levi sick. Clenching his teeth, he gritted out, “It's fine. I'll carry Eren with me.”

“Levi-”

"I don't trust others to not slice his neck while I'm not looking.” He made sure to look at Erwin in the eyes, as he added, “Either of you."

There was a tense moment of silence between the two before Erwin’s face twisted into an understanding smile "Very well." 

It pissed Levi off. "What's so damn funny?" 

"It's nothing. Just the fact that after all those years, he's still the only one capable of stirring you up so much," he said with a faraway look, missing how Levi’s eyes widened at the words. He wanted to grab hold of Erwin and seek out answers but then he was roughly pushed back by Mikasa, who came running full speed before sliding down on her knees before Eren. 

"Eren!"

“Come on, move aside, I’ll carry him,” Levi urged, beginning to adjust Eren’s body on his shoulders, until it was tugged back. He glanced at Mikasa, who was glaring at him while clutching onto Eren’s broken body. 

“No,” she protested darkly. “I will carry him. Don’t. Touch. Him.” 

Levi glared back, impassive, ready to stand up and carry Eren on his own when he felt his leg give a sting and he stumbled, forcing Mikasa to catch them both. The sharp look she gave him was humiliating enough for him to recede and let the girl do as she pleased. Still, he refused to get any assistance in getting back on the horse and left straight after Mikasa, the soldiers finally returning home.

  



	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At long last the conclusion to the story has arrived. I don't know if it's everything you hoped for, but I was very keen on making it so that it'd make sense. At least to me. Hence why I went about it the way I did, tying up loose ends and such. 
> 
> Even if it's for the last time, please, enjoy. 
> 
>  
> 
> P.s. chapter is partly beta-read.

 

The recovery period was the hardest. It took days for Eren to show even a sign of waking up, and when he did, his mind wasn’t clear, still clouded by whatever nightmare he was stuck in. 

Levi stayed by his side. He would sit by Eren on the edge of the bed, watching over him in tender silence. Other times he would bring some paperwork to finish, using it as an excuse to avoid seeing Erwin. He was afraid he didn’t have enough resolve to stay calm in the blonde man’s presence until Eren woke up. 

He awoke one time, looking lost and confused, and asking Levi to hold his hand. Levi had to bit on his lower lip to refrain from commenting about the state of his limbs, instead choosing to cover his fingers against Eren’s elbows and telling him he was holding him. 

“You’re lying,” Eren whimpered, his eyebrows pinched together as if in pain. “I don’t feel it. Why don’t you want to hold my hand?” he asked in a broken whisper before tossing his head back against the pillow and murmuring into it a string of curses directed at Levi. 

“Get back to sleep, Eren,” Levi told him, watching the lines in his forehead smooth over before falling back to sleep, leaving the raven alone with his thoughts.

The next time he came back to consciousness, Levi was sitting on the top of the covers, Eren snuggled against his side. He felt the boy shift, his mouth mumbling short, clipped words Levi had trouble deciphering. Immediately his hand shot out to brush against the brunet’s head, giving it a caress, before he felt Eren’s shoulders tremble from within. Levi gave him a squeeze, calling out in a quiet whisper, “Eren, you up?”

The boy only buried his face farther into the raven’s ribcage, a string of words coming out of his mouth. “... didn’t mean to… angry… stupid… stuck up blonde… “ More words were muffled by the fabric, before a quiet sob emerged from his mouth. “‘m sorry… Levi, I’m so sorry… Don’t hate me.”

Levi pulled him into his embrace and tried to soothe him while the boy kept apologizing and professing his undying love to Levi, making the older man’s ears heat up in embarrassment from the words alone. 

“It’s okay,” he told him while caressing Eren’s back. “Just don’t do that again, you shitty brat.” 

He had to admit that a huge part of why he was spending his days bundled together with Eren was to reassure his shaken heart. He had been scared. For a moment he thought he would have to relive the loss he felt six years ago. The worst was coming to a realization that it wouldn’t be the last time he had to live with these heavy feelings and thoughts. The life they led prevented them from having a real breather, and he was more than aware how thin the line between life and death was. 

The frown was back on his face as his fingers kept brushing circles over the brunet’s skin. He was immersed, but not enough to not notice a dark and gloomy presence looming over the threshold. He leveled the girl with a steady look. “What do you want?” 

He could see her eyeing his fingers suspiciously, fist clenching as if that alone would be enough to keep Levi apart. “How long are you staying?” she asked, her voice suggesting she would prefer him to get out right this moment. 

“As long as necessary,” he calmly replied, but seeing her anger rise, decided it would be best to have this conversation outside, without disturbing Eren. He shifted on the bed, the movement causing Eren to mumble in protest, and reach for Levi with the few digits that were now regenerated on his right hand. Levi gave them a squeeze and then slowly pushed his lower body away, leaving Eren with a pillow of where Levi was resting on as his only replacement. 

He indicated for Mikasa to follow him, his pace quick despite his short legs. After passing the first corner, though, two young male voices reached their ears. 

"...’s there even a fucking point in us taking watch? Captain Levi doesn't leave his side either way. What's supposed to happen to him? Will he fall off bed or something?" The young male had a sharp voice that echoed clearly down the halls even though it was spoken in half a whisper. His friend, had a voice of higher pitch, and though not as sharp, it still rang clearly in the two Ackerman’s ears. 

"Imagine him waking up for a piss and realizing he got no legs and arms and just crawling on the floor the whole way. And since he got no limbs, there'd be nothing to open his pants with..." he trailed off, the words followed by a sound of a slap on what one could assume shoulder. 

"Ugh, man, that's nasty."

"Not as disturbing as actually regrowing what's been chopped off."

There was a moment of tense silence. Levi could feel Mikasa by his side - fist clenched, and about ready to launch herself at the two immature kids. Levi wasn’t completely unbothered himself, _per se_ , he was just more accustomed to hearing nasty things being whispered in the late hours of the night. Though no matter how detached from the situation he wanted to be, his heart betrayed him, skipping an unconscious beat when his name fell from one of the two young soldiers’ mouths.   

"I heard it was captain Levi who did that. And then threatened anyone who came even close to Eren. Don't you think that's just fucked up? Like, you should either want to chop him to pieces or protect him, pick one, man."

Suddenly he was back in that moment. In that horrible moment of decision when he realized that in order to protect Eren from other people and from his own monstrous self Levi would have to be quick and merciless, holding him down with vile force despite wanting to treat him gently. That was also the moment when he realized it was a foreshadowing of what he will be forced to do again and again. 

He was slowly losing sense of reality, the tips of his fingers going numb, as flashes of flesh, blood and his own stained hands kept appearing before his eyes. It was Mikasa who suddenly brought him back, with nails digging deep into his arm. She took a step forward. Glancing up, Levi was surprised to see her staring at him, as if waiting for his permission to move forward and tear those two young soldiers to pieces. 

His eyes narrowed.

“Don’t act rashly,” he spoke in a low whisper, gaining a deep glare in return. No surprise there. What surprised him, though, were her next words. 

“Idiots need to be taught a lesson.” It _almost_ sounded like she was defending him. Almost. 

“There’s no point. If you can’t change the root of their thinking, punishment without results is futile,” Levi said before quietly adding, as if to himself, “Besides, they’re not completely wrong.” Not being able to stand there any longer, he turned and walked further down the hallway, already hearing the following steps behind him. But just before they could fully disappear out of the earshot, they managed to catch the last bits of the biting conversation. 

"Is he really a captain anymore, though? More like Eren's laptog," the soldier spoke through the fits of harsh laughters, his companion soon joining him. 

"Well said. At least we know who's got the highest chance of survival now, with the bastard having two of them on either side..."

Levi held his breath the whole way to his office. As soon as they emerged inside, Mikasa was onto him, her eyes accusing. Levi should have known. He sighed.

“If it's about what was said, drop it. It's not worth getting you worked up for.”

“No. It's not.”

“Okay.  What is it then?”

“You hurt him,” she said, a statement she refused to follow up, thus forcing Levi to finish the thought process for himself. Something like _You hurt him, so now you don’t deserve to be with him_ or _He will never be happy with someone like you_ \- he knew it all, his mind kept supplying him fresh ideas like these daily. 

“Yeah,” he agreed to the former statement. 

“Can you promise you will keep him safe?” she asked, her eyes scanning him as she waited for his answer. His mind had a flash of a green cloak, laying dirty in the puddle, Wings of Freedom stained in blood, then an image of red string resting on a severed limb. His appearance on the outside was calm, but inside he shuddered as a cold shiver ran down his spine. No. There was no way he could promise that. 

With a sigh he told her as much, nearly getting his head being chopped off by her enraged tone, but then he cut her off with a stern look and clarified, “But I can promise you his safety is important to me.” It was as much as he could promise and after a prolonged staring, it seemed to be enough to placate the young girl. 

“Fine,” she said in a clipped voice, her back already turning to him. He would reprimand her on the lack of respect some other time. Though before she could leave, he stopped her. 

“Hold on. There’s something I need to ask you to do.”

 

***

“Come in,” Erwin’s strong voice carried through the doors, inviting Levi to push the doors open and step inside. 

He was seated on the other side of the hardwood table, opposite Erwin, the two of them sharing a look - Levi’s deepened scowl in response to Erwin’s composed form. He was told about the reprimand issued for him for his insubordination and he agreed about the logical aspects of it, nodding where his opinion was required. That lasted until the man inquired about Eren’s well-being and Levi couldn’t hold back biting out a harsh, “That’s none of your concern.”

”You sound bitter,” the Commander noted. “Is there something I should know about?” he asked with one curious eyebrow raised, appearing calm and collected - guiltless - like he didn’t fucking know why Levi would be pissed at him. 

Levi put him under a glare, before choosing his words carefully. “You tell me, Erwin,” he began. “When you first recruited me, I disliked you enough to kill you, but after you picked what was left of me on _that day_ , I decided I’d dedicate my life in following you.” 

Erwin hummed in acknowledgement. “Has that changed?” the man asked, then went for the bookshelf, fingers grazing against a wooden stand holding a pipe in it. Levi eyed the object with disgust, but not having enough goodwill to actually chide the man on poisoning his already ailing body further.

Erwin was stalling, he knew, and Levi wasn’t impressed. He ignored Erwin’s offer for a smoke and tightly clasped his hands together to keep his composure while he asked. 

”How long have you known Eren was the one I lost that day?”

The man’s eyes flickered to him for a fraction of a second, but then settled back towards the shelf, waiting. Levi’s eyes narrowed, having caught the man behaving uncharacteristically sketchy. Erwin was a pretty straight forward guy until he meant to purposely mislead his opponent. As such, here he was neither. Perhaps the Commander was unsure where he wanted to go with the information he held himself. 

“Have you always known?” the raven asked, because that seemed like the only plausible conclusion. 

“Yes,” the blond admitted simply.

Erwin then went onto a prolonged explanation how after the _unfortunate_ events on the 23rd expedition, his curiosity about the boy didn’t leave him and he used his resources to dig up the information. He was surprised to find a young boy, who couldn’t be older than nine years old, living in the Shiganshina district and who had a striking resemblance to _Eren -_ the boy his squad had known.

“Don’t make me into a bad guy here, Levi,” the man said, after noticing Levi positively seething from his seated position. “Not only was I saving you from harbouring conflicting feelings for a child, I was also trying to protect humanity from being destroyed by your own very hand.”

“The fuck are you talking about?” Levi growled darkly, the armrests creaking under the pressure of his fingers. If Erwin had noticed, he didn’t comment on it and calmly carried on. 

“If you had approached Eren before, you’d have inevitably changed the future.”

“I’m not some deranged piece of shit to not know when to not mess with the future.”

“No?” Erwin raised an eyebrow. “So you would have stayed and done nothing while little Eren begged you to save his mommy?” As Levi kept quiet, jaw tightening, Erwin continued, “You hadn’t met him before he was fifteen and I made sure it stayed that way. If it wasn’t for me, you could have done irreparable damage - maybe even prevented Eren from getting his powers. And you know that without his titan shifting abilities he would have never even went to the past and met you.” His voice lowered as he regarded Levi with a look. “Admit it, I did you a favor. I always did what was best for you, Levi.”

“You did what was fucking best for you,” Levi snapped, upper lip curled in disdain. 

They fell quiet - Erwin resting his hip against the side of the table, waiting, while Levi continued his feeble attempts to put the blonde’s hair on fire by his look alone. The Commander’s shoulders sagged a little as a thought crossed his mind. 

“Being with Eren seems to have reawakened your rebellious side,” he quietly said. “You weren’t like this anymore.”

Levi frowned at his insinuation. “I was always like this. Being with Eren only reminded me that I actually had a brain of my own before you came into picture.” Shaking his head Levi suddenly stood up, stopping to dig his fingers into the surface of the wooden chair. He was barely holding on. “You might have an excuse for keeping Eren’s existence from me for these past six years, no matter how shitty it is, but that doesn’t explain why you looked me in the eye and told me to fucking abandon him in the middle of the battlefield.”

“It was what the government wanted,” Erwin said. “I had no choice if I wanted to keep the expeditions going.”

A breathy laugh escaped Levi. What the goverment wanted, huh? 

“I didn’t peg you to be the government's dog,” the raven said with a pause, then lowered his voice. “But I guess everyone has their price.”

“Be careful with your words, Levi.”

“Or what?” Levi challenged. “You ordered me to kill my lover, knowing full well what his existence meant to me…no, perhaps it is because he meant so much to me that you couldn’t stand the thought of that. Ever since before, you always wanted to remove Eren from my side, always had that weird, creepy possessive side in you…” Levi suddenly stopped talking, his eyes widening as he slowly realized where this was going. “Wait-“

“Yes, I’m in love with you” Erwin admitted as a matter of fact. 

“Shit. Don’t fucking _say_ it,” he hissed, eyes clenched shut. The man didn’t seem even the least bit perturbed by the bullshit that left his mouth. Shouldn’t he at least feel an ounce of shame? Levi was feeling uncomfortable enough to want to crawl out of skin just by hearing the words.

“Why not? It’s not that complicated, Levi.”

“Yeah,” Levi agreed then focused his eyes on him as he spoke, “So let me uncomplicate it further for you. I’m not yours, Erwin. Even if you were the last human on Earth, I’d still not be yours.”

The man exhaled into a laugh. “Does my arm repulse you that much?” he asked, his voice steady, but Levi knew, or at least he thought he knew, the man better to see past his bullshit. 

“Your arm is not the fucking issue.”

“Then what is?”

“Your shitty personality,” Levi retorted. “It’s because you’re a manipulative, lying prick and I can’t fucking stand you,” Levi finished with a huff, his fingers clenching at the sides. 

Instead of flinching, as was the usual response to Levi’s anger, Erwin had a hint of a smile playing around the corner of his mouth. He was amused and it only infuriated the raven more. He took a step closer despite Levi’s warning glare, making it so only a few inches separated them and reached out for the raven’s shoulder. At the initial contact Levi tensed, feeling fingers squeezing him before a feather-like touch reached the side of his neck. “Hate can fuel passion, Levi.”  
  
Levi regarded him with a quiet silence, gray orbs staring intently at the twinkling blues looming over him like some giant playing with his prey, and inwardly cursed. He took a firm step back, pushing against Erwin’s hold on him with his forearm as he separated the contact between them.  
  
“You don't love me, Erwin. You just like the power you have over me. Well guess what, I’m done following after you.”  
  
In a sudden move, Levi found himself being slammed against the wall. “What’re you-” words filled with confusion and frustration left his mouth before it was firmly covered by the one hand that was still intact on the blonde man’s body. Seeing his current predicament, Levi started to seriously consider remedying that. 

Levi’s body was tense, eyes harsh and glaring as he held on the last bits of his sanity to make Erwin let him go. Before he had to severe a limb or two. He pushed back against the mass of mucle that was holding him down but the man wasn’t budging. In fact he didn’t even appear to be looking at _him_. His sole focus was on the doors, as if listening in. Levi heard it too. The faint voices behind the door, the hurried steps disappearing down the hall. 

_What the fuck was going on?_

Slowly the hand holding him retreated. “Explain,” Levi said in demand. A wry smile reached Erwin’s lips before he put some space between their bodies, though leaving their faces close. 

“I needed to create a misunderstanding in order to buy us some time.”

Levi’s eyebrows rose. “A misunderstanding? What kind of fucked up mi-”

“We got no time, Levi,” Erwin cut him off sharply, then leveled him with a look. “When those soldiers get back here, you’re going to take the gun I keep underneath the table and proceeded with your plan of escape.”

Levi failed to conceal his surprise, inhaling sharply. He knew. Erwin fucking knew about their escape plan. And yet… he was helping them? He couldn’t keep the bite out of his words. “Don’t fuck with me. You were the one who abandoned us and left us to die. And now what, you’re suddenly on our side? Helping us escape? The fuck is wrong with your brain?" Levi took a bunch of fabric from Erwin’s shirt, glaring at him from below. 

“I was always on your side, Levi,” Erwin said, forcing Levi into stillness. 

“If that‘s true, you have a shitty way of showing it." 

Erwin sighed, slumping. "My goal has never changed. Levi. I once told you, didn't I? I want to see it… the vision my father has seen. Over the years I struggled so much to find an answer for it, but now I think I've finally found it.“ As he leaned in even closer, Erwin‘s eyes seemed to sparkle.  "It's Eren. Eren is the only one who can bring about change in this stagnant world.”

“Yet you abandon him to die alone-”

“-he wasn’t alone. He had you.” Erwin’s eyes didn’t waver, they held strong, speaking the truth. It made Levi wonder if the perception of the man he had was all wrong to begin with. “This world...it’s sick. The upper class try to cover it up with their riches, but it’s rotten to the core. I want to believe there’s more out there. The outside world. The potential. I want to uncover it all. I'll do anything to make that happen."

Levi swallowed, feeling uncomfortable at what it all meant. "Anything including manipulating me to do your bidding." When Erwin said nothing, Levi knew he had his answer. "Was there even a point in us going for the expedition this time?"

"There was a 10% chance that bringing Memory Titan to us would bring about any results."

Levi shook his head at him. Fucking unbelievable. "So all those people died for nothing? For a measly 10% chance?" 

"I took a chance, Levi,” Erwin argued back. “But it wasn't on the Memory Titan. It was on you.”

“Why the fuck would you gamble on me? _You're_ the Commander, you can-" 

"I _can't._ Unlike you and Eren I'm in one of the most vulnerable positions. I can be replaced anytime. Especially now…“ His voice trailed off, eyes involuntarily going towards the gapping absence of a limb. Levi kept silent. "For the sake of reclaiming Wall Maria, I can only bet on you and Eren. The expedition was but a test to see your resolve."

All strength seemed to seep out of Levi. A test. A gamble on lives. And all of it was on _his_ head? Fuck it. Fuck it all. He slumped into the nearest chair, looking down to his freshly polished boots. “And? Did I pass your shitty test?”

He heard shuffling before a man twice his size once again knelt before him to stare Levi straight into the eyes as he spoke. “Yes,” he said, his eyes hardening. “That’s why I’m going to give you your final order, Levi,” Erwin said with a hidden smile; it was soft, almost tender, making Levi feel the need to squirm at the intensity of it all. “Forsake it all - your duty, friends, me. Live for Eren alone, so that one day you may uncover the secrets of the world and live to tell the tale.” 

Levi felt his fist slackening against his knees, two pair of intense eyes staring at each other. He swallowed harshly. “Erwin, you…” He couldn’t finish the sentense. What was he even to say? What was he to say to the man he was never meant to fully comprehend?

They heard shuffling behind the doors. It was time. “Go, Levi,” Erwin said, then he placed his much bigger fingers on Levi’s that still were held into a loose fist. He bent his head slightly and kissed Levi’s knuckles, and before he could react, Levi was already stumbling from his seat by a sudden shove on his chest. It seemed like Levi only blinked once - the vision of  Erwin’s smiling face and distant eyes passing by - then he was moving towards the table, his fingers going underneath the surface. 

With one shift movement he had the gun aimed at the window to his left and pulled the trigger, the glass shattering at the impact. He could hear the commotion outside and voices coming from the inner parts of the headquarters, drawing close, and knew he wouldn’t have long before the place was swarmed with soldiers.  
  
He then jumped into the frame of the now open window, his fingers grabbing hold of the sills to keep balance, before Erwin called out to him.  
  
"Levi."  
  
Levi gave him one steady, patient look and turned his back to him, hands digging into the window frame despite the sharp residual shards nicking his skin.  
  
"I'll do it. But don't expect me to thank you for this," he said before letting go of the window sill.

He felt the wind against his face as his body descended, feet landing on the cart below. He rolled over, softening the impact, then jumped off the cart and started running. He could vaguely hear Erwin’s booming voice behind his back (an act perfectly executed) and the hesitant shuffling of the feet, soldiers moving after him. He took a sharp turn, hiding his body in the corner between the two buildings - his small frame fitting into the space quite nicely - and stayed there as his eyes kept track of the soldiers jogging down the street. He waited a while longer before stepping out, senses hyper-aware of his surroundings. He kept quick stride as he walked down the streets, foregoing running until it was necessary, because a fast moving target was always easier to spot as an irregularity and he wanted to prevent having direct contact with them. Not when he was without any equipment. 

He ducked towards another alley, walking closely to the right wall between the two buildings, stopping just short of coming into the clearing. His eyes scanned the crowd, filtering between the men and women until his eyes landed on a bulky man in a waist-long dim gray coat and a hat to match, slowly dragging his feet while his eyes were busy scanning the newspaper in hand. Before the man could pass him by, Levi grabbed hold of his collar, halting him. 

“You,” he addressed the man with a sharp glare. “Come with me.”

Covered into a massive coat and a hat to hide his rather rare hairstyle, Levi continued his pacing down the streets, until his legs collided with something solid. Or rather something crashed straight into him. 

He glanced down at the _kid_ , a young girl in fine silk clothes, who now laid on her butt with a dazed sort of expression. Levi could already see her lower lip start to tremble and quickly crouched down, picking her up in one fluid movement. She flailed a little, her big brown orbs staring at Levi in wonder, when something flickered in them and her cheeks split into a wide grin. 

Levi blinked, surprised to find such a young thing recognise him in the state he was in. She was already opening her mouth up, when Levi spotted movement from his peripheral vision, followed by a practised pattern of steps - _soldiers._ His eyes turned sharply to the girl and while he cursed his luck for being unable to intimidate a kid into silence, did the only other thing that came to mind - he put a finger to his mouth and stared at her. The girl gaped at him for a second, and then slowly her face morphed into grin, finger mirroring his. Levi grabbed hold of her hand, lowering it, while he kept her under his intense stare, just in time to feel a couple of soldiers pass them by in hurried steps, cursing amongst themselves. He threw a look into their direction with a smirk. His ears then picked on a soft giggle and he glanced, curious, at the girl who was making wide motions with her hands. 

“Big,” she said while making half a circle with her tiny hands, then pointed at Levi’s chest with one finger, poking him. “Strong.”

Levi raised an eyebrow at her in amusement. 

“Mary!”

He heard a woman call out for someone in an anxious voice and watched the girl immediately startle. His lips formed into a small smile as he reached out to ruffle the girl’s hair before standing up and disappearing into the crowd before the girl’s mother could reach them. 

His feet led him a few streets further, until he reached an inn, a small place, mostly frequented by merchants, and went inside. He made a beeline for the counter, his fingers digging into his uniform’s pocket for a forest green pouch and bringing it on the top. The older graying man by the counter gave him one furtive look before nodding, and speaking in a low whisper. 

“You’ll find what you need in the storage, the wooden doors behind the counter,” he said and passed Levi an old rusty key. Levi snatched it up and, with a quick indication of appreciation, went to the room.

Inside was awfully dusty, cobwebs covering the corners - a hellhole Levi normally would rather die than find himself in - but as his eyes scanned over the abandoned boxes, he found one on top of the other being void of any dust. Still freshly placed. He went for it and felt his shoulders sag at the sight of the gear sitting inside. On top was a small note, words scripted in an elegant handwriting, yet the darker shades around the edges of the letters managing to give it a menacing look.

_You better take care of him or I’ll hunt you down. It’s a promise._

Levi snorted at the familiar threat, and after securing the ODM gear on his hips, left the storage through the back doors.

 

***

Getting out of the city and the main human population was easier than he had anticipated. 

After leaving the inn, Levi went for the rusty horse stall and pulled one horse away, not without forgetting to leave its worth’s share for the owner. It was heartbreaking to leave Spark behind, but the stallion would be too dangerous to bring with. Sacrifices. He had to wonder how many more he would be forced to make in the journey he had chosen.

He sneaked out undetected. Even with the soldiers swarming the area, his path seemed to be clear.  All part of Erwin’s plan, he supposed. That thought alone made him uncomfortable. Once, he thought he knew Erwin better than anyone. Nowadays he had to wonder if he even knew the man at all. Was he friend, foe? Or just a selfish man, desperately trying to fulfill his ambition? 

Erwin might never be mellow or selflessly kind, and his outrageous fascination with Levi was more than a bit disturbing, but in the end, he proved to be trustworthy. If they could actually come back from this, if it meant a more secure future for him and Eren, he was going to put his trust in the Commander, one last time. 

Before long he was on the open path towards a village, about half a day’s ride north from his current position. It was a peaceful ride, with little to no people except for a few farmers. When a modest wooden cottage appeared in his vision, he let the horse go faster, suddenly feeling eager to reach his goal. 

He pulled onto the reins just a few yards in front of the house, wrapping up the leash around the tree. His heart kept unsteadily beating inside his chest the last couple of steps, in both anticipation and nervousness. 

He knocked. 

When a tall and lean man opened the doors, Levi’s breath caught. He felt like he was thrown back into the past, memories and faces of those he once knew all came rushing in. He didn’t outwardly show it, of course, though he suspected the man knew anyway. He smiled warmly at the raven. “Hello, Levi. It’s been a long time.” 

Levi nodded through the thickening in his throat. “Indeed it has, Farlan. I’m glad to see you doing well.”

He was then ushered inside. It was a cosy little place; a wooden table by the window, covered with today’s meal, a fireplace in the nearby corner, a couch and a pair of stairs, one leading down to what was possibly a basement and one leading upwards, likely to the bedrooms. He smiled at the blonde, happy to see his friend doing well for himself. A part of him felt guilty for staying away for so long, unsure about the man’s life, but he knew it was impossible to do, when he still felt so guilty over his, _their_ loss. That unexpectedly changed when he stumbled into Farlan in the market, around a week ago. 

Shaking his head out of heavy thoughts, he found his eyes involuntarily moving around the room. He couldn’t help it. The whole road ahead he kept anticipating this. “Is he here?” he asked, and felt his shoulders sag at the nod, feeling relieved enough to not mind Farlan’s knowing smirk. 

“In the back with Timm.” 

 _A child’s name_ , Levi realized. Farlan had become a father. 

Patting the taller man on his shoulder in silent gratitude, Levi went in the direction he was pointed at. 

He wasn’t prepared to be caught off guard at seeing the brunet but perhaps he should be getting used to that. He kept surprising Levi, frequently, showing the raven sides of him that he never knew he had. 

With the young child in his arms, the brunet almost seemed older, something about the task of taking care of the youngster was making the brat look more mature. Levi watched him put Timm down, eyes following tiny hands taking hold of a pair of wooden sticks to poke Eren in the ribs in what seemed to be a poor imitation of titan killing blades. Eren was grunting and wailing, doing a shit’s job at keeping his theatratics believable. Levi couldn’t help it then. A chuckle escaped past his lips, immediately redirecting the duo’s attention towards him. The smaller boy regarded him warily, seemingly not noticing Eren’s sudden agitation. 

“Who are you, mister?”

“A friend of your father’s,” Levi replied evenly, casting Eren a look to behave, to wait it out. 

The child still seemed distrustful.

“You have the same clothes on as Eren. Are you a soldier?”

“Yes, I am,” he said and then found himself staring at the big brown eyes gazing at him from below. 

“You’re short.”

He thought he heard Eren snort at that. 

“Yeah, well,” Levi began casually. There was no way he was letting a child get to him. He reached out to pat Timm on the top of his head. “You’re not much better, shrimp.”

“I’m still growing,” the boy protested, then looked Levi up and down. “Unlike you.”

Okay. Eren was definitely snickering right now, that little shit. 

“Height doesn’t help you being good at your job so why don’t you run back to your father now, I heard he needed your help.”

That seemed to be enough to make the little brat disappear back in the house. As his ears still picked on the soft uneven sounds escaping the brunet’s mouth, he made sure to fix him with a glare.

“Not a word.”

Perhaps another time Eren would have continued teasing until Levi was positively seething or calling him out to train his ass twice as hard if he had so much time to talk shit, but in this very moment it was all it took - a short pause - for two pairs of eyes to connect and the next moment they were both in each other’s arms. A shuddering breath left Levi as warmth like no other reached his cooled body. Finally, he was where he was supposed to be. Unconsciously he snuggled deeper into the embrace, the corners of his lips lifting. 

“Everything okay?” he felt Eren ask against the back of his head. He nodded, then tilted his head to answer against the firm shoulder, “Yeah. Everything’s fine.”

For once, he actually believed in the words spoken. 

“I missed you,” Eren admitted and the raven felt his arms wind up tighter, digging deeper into his flesh, as if he felt Levi would disappear otherwise. He wouldn’t. At least he didn’t plan to. “When I woke up and you weren’t there-”

“I wrote you a letter.”

“I know, I read it.” Eren blissfully sighed. “Thanks for that, by the way. It was very…sweet.”

“Wasn’t going for sweet.”

It was true. He really wasn’t. Above all else he just wanted to make his point across. It went basically Levi warning Eren not to lose his shit and to follow the instructions he left until Levi came to him. Apparently Eren had doubts he would. Stupid brat. 

He felt arms around him slowly starting to shake and for a moment he wondered if the brunet was crying. But no sound accompanied the tremors, so he just brought his fingers into the brown locks and combed them while letting Eren hold on to him. “I’m so glad you’re here. I was afraid… so a-afraid I won’t get to see you again. That something will go wrong and you won’t make it here.”

“I’m here.”

“Yes.” Eren nodded. “Yes, you are.” He felt warm air reach the side of his neck, before Eren whispered, “Levi.”

“What?”

A smile reached his neck before soft lips were pressed against his skin. “I love you. A lot.” 

That shitty brat. 

Eren’s soft laughter rang in his ears as his body shivered, heart giving an involuntary clench. Loving Eren was the scariest thing he ever did, more times than not he found himself lost and confused, literally at his wit‘s end, yet he could not imagine it any other way.  

“I know, brat. I know,” he sighed against the soft fabric, before pulling onto the brown locks to tilt Eren’s head back and while staring straight into the wide-eyed brat, told him with a confident smirk of his own. “I love you too. Even if you’re a pain in my ass, I do.”

Eren just laughed and held onto Levi tighter. 

It might not be the freedom they have once envisioned, not yet. But it was _their_ freedom, something they worked hard through blood, death and separation to achieve.  And until humanity managed to regain its freedom, as long as they got to stay together, perhaps it was enough. 

 

_**Fin** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my, this is it. It really is. I hope I managed to create a story that not only I liked to imagine and write but also you guys enjoyed to read. Not everything is perfect, I know, but I'm really glad to have been given a chance to express these ideas out in the open. I was lucky to have you. Thank you, thank you so much!
> 
>  
> 
> FOR FURTHER READING, if you find yourself craving for more my-kind-of-style angst, let me redirect you to my one-shot [The Fallen Feather](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19435777)

**Author's Note:**

> Your feedback is a life force to a starving artist.


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